All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris CAN whisper bloody murder. Damn it.

Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations... ever.

Chuck Norris doesn't use Oracle, he is the Oracle.

Each hair in Chuck Norris's beard contributes to make the world's largest DDOS.

Chuck Norris Plays paintball with Al Qaeda.

Chuck Norris insists on strongly-typed programming languages.

Chuck Norris can install iTunes without installing Quicktime.

Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions and have them return.

There is no Esc key on Chuck Norris' keyboard, because no one escapes Chuck Norris.

If you try to kill -9 Chuck Norris's programs, it backfires.

"It works on my machine" always holds true for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's first program was kill -9.

Chuck Norris's keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't use GUI, he prefers COMMAND line.

The Chuck Norris Eclipse plugin made alien contact.

Chuck Norris does not code in cycles, he codes in strikes.

Chuck Norris does infinit loops in 4 seconds.

No one has ever pair-programmed with Chuck Norris and lived to tell about it.

Chuck Norris's log statements are always at the FATAL level.

Chuck Norris doesn't needs try-catch, exceptions are too afraid to raise.

Chuck Norris whisper bloody murder.

Chuck Norris does not need to know about class factory pattern. He can instantiate interfaces.

Chuck Norris can retrieve anything from /dev/null.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

Chuck Norris has a sign in his front yard that reads, "Beware of Chuck Norris." This is not a joke. He actually has one.

After a round of 18 holes of golf, Chuck Norris beat Tiger Woods with a score of 17 to 63.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Chuck Norris drives to Hawaii.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

When Chuck Norris was Born, the whole Hospital cried.

Chuck Norris sleeps with his eyes open

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

March 10, 2010. Somebody attempted to give Chuck Norris his bithday spankings today. Upon impact of the first spank, their hand exploded. Nobody spanks Chuck Norris.

Who crapped in your corn flakes? Chuck Norris did!

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to use AJAX because pages are too afraid to postback anyways.

Chuck Norris can write multi-threaded applications with a single thread.

Chuck Norris banged the tooth fairy.

Chuck Norris can overflow your stack just by looking at it.

It's not easy being green. It is, however, very easy to be violently murdered by Chuck Norris.

Even Black Holes cannot escape the force of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't use reflection, reflection asks politely for his help.

Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

In a paper due out soon, Stephen Hawking has proven that Chuck Norris exists in every universe, multiverse, and every dimension. There is no escaping Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris kills you till you are dead....and that's worse!

Chuck Norris was the demon in "paranormal activity." and the demon in "the exorcism of emily rose" and "the exorcist." thanks chuck for killing that stupid fuckin micah guy!

Chuck Norris has three buttocks.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris ripped off Hugh Jackman's claws and shoved them up his ass.

Old Spice uses Chuck Norris bodywash

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

This little piggy went to the market,this little piggy stayed home,this little piggy went we we we all the way home because Chuck Norris delivered a fatal roundhouse kick to the other piggy.

The last ice age came to an end when Chuck Norris destroyed the east pole and the west pole, thus creating the equator.

Chuck Norris likes pie, deal with it.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Chuck Norris smokes crack addicts.

John Wayne's tombstone reads "In loving memory of Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris can Halo jump without a parachute in the air 20 billion times and touch a target on the ground with ease.

Chuck Norris' backyard shed doubles as his personal torture chamber

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can chew with his mouth open

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

Chuck Norris uses billiard cues as acupuncture needles.

Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris tamed a Predator.

Chuck Norris unclogs his toilet with a backhoe.

Chuck Norris is the father of all WMDs.

Chuck Norris doesn't chew gum. Chuck Norris chews tin foil.

A diff between your code and Chuck Norris's is infinite.

Chuck Norris doesn't say "who's your daddy", because he knows the answer.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on one leg at a time, just like the rest of us. The only difference is, then he kills people.

Who watches the Watchmen? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's programs can pass the Turing Test by staring at the interrogator.

Chuck Norris can hit ctrl-alt-delete with one finger.

A top rated MMA fighter named Thunderclap decided to take on Chuck Norris. After Chuck slapped him silly, Thunderclap referred to Chuck as "Nightmare Norris".

Chuck Norris should win the Nobel Peace Prize, because when he starts a war, it's over before it begins.

Chuck Norris rammed a gold watch up Christopher Walken's ass.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

When Chuck Norris says "More cowbell", he MEANS it.

In Chuck Norris' world a Grand Slam is simply slamming your face into a large shiny piano.

Chuck Norris can catch a fly with his eyelids.

After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said "of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"

Staring at Chuck Norris photos has been known to suck out people's will to live. DON'T LOOK AT THAT PHOTO!

Chuck Norris can unring bells.

Chuck Norris attacks people from the age of 1-120 and people from A-z