🐾 Animals Facts

Mosquitoes don't bite Chuck Norris. Not because they can't — out of professional respect.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

Chuck Norris knows what the fox says. The fox told him personally.

Chuck Norris once stared down a great white shark underwater. The shark apologized.

When Chuck Norris walks through a forest trees move out of the way.

Chuck Norris once milked a bull. The bull said thank you.

Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once wrestled a crocodile. It is now a handbag.

Lions check the savanna for Chuck Norris before they go to sleep.

Chuck Norris once played fetch with a cat. The cat went willingly.

Snakes refuse to bite Chuck Norris. There is no antidote for what would come next.

Chuck Norris can tame a grizzly bear with a single nod.

Chuck Norris once petted a dog. The dog became a police K-9 out of pure motivation.

When bees see Chuck Norris coming they get out of their own hive.

Chuck Norris once trained a goldfish to do parkour.

Crocodiles wear Chuck Norris shoes.

Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet. The bear is not dead. It is just too afraid to move.

Chuck Norris once made a lion purr.

Chuck Norris once stared at a school of fish. They immediately failed.

Chuck Norris once disciplined a cat. The cat became a dog.

Chuck Norris once trained a hummingbird to fly in slow motion.

Mosquitoes that bite Chuck Norris immediately develop six-pack abs.

Chuck Norris once barked at a dog. The dog learned English.

Wolves were not raised by humans. One wolf was raised by Chuck Norris.

Dolphins developed sonar to detect Chuck Norris from farther away.

Penguins gave up flying to appear less threatening to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once trained a colony of ants to march in military formation. The ants still do it.

Octopuses have eight arms because one tried to shake hands with Chuck Norris.

Whales learned their songs from Chuck Norris. He only sang once.

Cats always land on their feet because Chuck Norris taught them.

The tortoise beat the hare. Chuck Norris beat the tortoise without moving.

Eagles ask Chuck Norris for permission before landing.

Bears hibernate to avoid Chuck Norris during winter.

When Chuck Norris orders a steak well-done the cow volunteers in advance.

The Loch Ness Monster is a strand of Chuck Norris's beard that gained consciousness and swam away.

A queen bee once stung Chuck Norris. She was immediately demoted to worker bee.

Ozzy Osbourne bites the heads off bats. Chuck Norris bites the heads off Siberian tigers.

Chuck Norris does not buy butter. He roundhouse kicks cows and they turn into butter.

A bear once crossed Chuck Norris's path. The trauma was so great that it fled to the Arctic and its fur turned white. That is how polar bears were created.

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks the chicken.

Dragons existed until one of them accidentally singed Chuck Norris's beard.

People try to scare dogs by shouting. Chuck Norris kills elephants with a gentle whisper.

Chickens used to have teeth until one bit Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes elephants forget.

Every cat will have nine lives until it crosses Chuck Norris's path once.

Chuck Norris walked in front of a black cat on Friday the 13th. The cat has had bad luck ever since.

In Chuck Norris's river piranhas swim on their backs.

Chuck Norris's stare is so persuasive it can convert a German shepherd into a clergy member.

A snake once bit Chuck Norris on the leg. After five days of terrible pain and hallucinations the snake died.

Chuck Norris does not fish with bait rods or nets. He places the basket by the river crosses his arms and stares at the water.

Chuck Norris is not as strong as a horse. Horses are as strong as Chuck Norris.

Someone once told Chuck Norris that lizard legs were delicious. That is how snakes were created.

Bigfoot takes photos of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

They say curiosity killed the cat. This is false. Chuck Norris killed the cat. Every single one of them.

Chuck Norris can skeletize a cow in two minutes.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull, and nine months later it had a calf.

Chuck Norris once rode a nine foot grizzly bear through an automatic car wash, instead of taking a shower.