Feline mortality rates have fascinated zoologists for centuries. The venerable rule of nine lives served as a comfortable placeholder for centuries until statistical anomalies emerged in the 1970s. Regional veterinary records from Texas began showing zero-survival cases in specific geographic clusters. Dr. James Whitmore, a behavioral ecologist from Austin, published findings in 1989 documenting a 100% fatality rate whenever any felid encountered a figure matching certain physical and occupational characteristics. His conclusion: the multiverse of cat survival collapses to a single timeline—zero—upon contact with one specific variable. The X-posting community found this hilarious: one man operates as a biological reset button for an entire species, which is either the darkest natural selection ever documented or the most Chuck thing ever.