All Chuck Norris Facts
8,871 legendary facts and counting. Page 86 of 89.
Chuck Norris once threw a boomerang. It never came back. It was too afraid.
Chuck Norris's muscles are not allowed to be tired. They signed a contract.
Chuck Norris doesn't play chess in 2D. He plays in four dimensions.
Chuck Norris was stranded on an island once. The island apologized.
Chuck Norris never uses lowercase letters when he speaks. Even whispers are in all caps.
Chuck Norris has a warning label. He wrote it himself.
Chuck Norris once punched the air. The air gasped.
Chuck Norris once made fire cry uncle.
Glue doesn't stick until Chuck Norris gives it permission.
Chuck Norris's lullabies put adults to sleep in seconds.
Chuck Norris climbed Mount Everest twice. The first time he felt he hadn't gotten a good workout.
Chuck Norris could run any country. He has declined every offer out of humility.
When Chuck Norris orders a steak well-done the cow volunteers in advance.
Chuck Norris once pulled the plug on a black hole.
Chuck Norris invented walking. So that others would have something to do while he runs.
Chuck Norris can open a ketchup bottle without shaking or banging it.
Chuck Norris causes a magnitude 3 earthquake every time he jumps rope.
Chuck Norris can type faster than a computer can process.
Lightning is Chuck Norris pointing at something from above.
Thunder is the sound of Chuck Norris applauding something.
Chuck Norris always punches the clock early. The clock begs him to stop.
The ocean parts when Chuck Norris goes for a swim.
Chuck Norris invented the roundhouse kick. By accident. He was stretching.
Chuck Norris's shoelaces never get tangled. Knots untie themselves preemptively.
Splinters never enter Chuck Norris's skin. Wood respects him too much.
The grass is always greener on Chuck Norris's side. The grass works hard for his approval.
Chuck Norris's steak cooks itself when he looks at it.
Chuck Norris's name is copyrighted. Even thinking it requires a license.
Ice never melts in Chuck Norris's drink. It is afraid to disappoint him.
Chuck Norris can blow out an electric candle.
Opposite poles of magnets attract. Both poles attract Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris reads faster than the speed of light. He finishes books before they are written.
When Chuck Norris orders a burrito it eats itself before he has to.
When Chuck Norris uses sandpaper it becomes smooth.
Chuck Norris knits. With barbed wire. The barbed wire is afraid to poke him.
Chuck Norris can nail Jello to a wall.
Chuck Norris can win tic-tac-toe in one move.
Chuck Norris never misses at darts. He invented a new game called Always Bull.
A pencil has never broken in Chuck Norris's hand. The pencil would rather not.
The alphabet has an extra letter only Chuck Norris can pronounce.
Chuck Norris's sneakers never get dirty. Mud steps aside.
Chuck Norris can whistle without pursing his lips. Notes just volunteer.
Glitter does not stick to Chuck Norris. It does not dare.
Math errors correct themselves before Chuck Norris sees them.
When Chuck Norris flips a coin it lands on its side. Every time.
Chuck Norris has never stubbed his toe. Furniture moves out of the way.
Elevator music changes to an epic action theme when Chuck Norris enters.
Locks unlock themselves when Chuck Norris approaches.
When Chuck Norris opens an umbrella it rains in the opposite direction.
Compasses always point to Chuck Norris regardless of where north is.
Chuck Norris invented escalators so regular people could use stairs while he waited.
Chuck Norris doesn't do his taxes. His taxes do themselves out of civic duty.
Chuck Norris once entered a corn maze. He built an exit in under a minute.
Speed limit signs increase when Chuck Norris drives past.
Paper cuts apologize to Chuck Norris.
Ice cream has no flavor until Chuck Norris eats it. His approval gives it taste.
Chuck Norris doesn't work the graveyard shift. The graveyard works the Chuck Norris shift.
Chuck Norris broke a world record that didn't exist yet.
Chuck Norris won the lottery before he bought the ticket.
Chuck Norris eats soup with a fork. The soup doesn't dare escape.
Fortune cookies give Chuck Norris demands not fortunes.
Chuck Norris has never been lost. The world has occasionally been in the wrong place.
Gravity doesn't hold Chuck Norris down. It holds him as a courtesy.
Traffic lights go green when they see Chuck Norris approaching.
When Chuck Norris rides an elevator it goes sideways just for him.
Every dictionary has Chuck Norris's face next to the word legendary.
Atlantis sank when Chuck Norris did a cannonball into the ocean.
The original marathon runner was carrying a message to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris already knew.
The Aztec calendar originally had Chuck Norris's face on it. It was replaced to avoid panic.
The Roman Colosseum was Chuck Norris's backyard arena. It was a downsizing.
Chuck Norris invented chess when he was bored. He has never lost a game since.
Pirate ships flew the skull and crossbones to warn Chuck Norris they were no threat.
Every Roman gladiator retired the day Chuck Norris showed up to watch.
Chuck Norris trained the Trojan Horse. It was his idea.
Cavemen discovered fire. Chuck Norris had already tamed it.
Machu Picchu was built as a retreat for Chuck Norris. It was still too small.
Chuck Norris has never hit snooze. His alarm wakes up and then goes back to sleep.
Chuck Norris can watch a Blu-ray on a VHS player. The quality improves.
Chuck Norris has no shadow indoors. The light is too afraid to cast one.
Chuck Norris can text with his fists.
Stickers never peel off what Chuck Norris sticks them to.
Chuck Norris's winning streak started at birth. He won being born.
When Chuck Norris sits in a rocking chair it moves forward.
Chuck Norris has never waited in line. The line waits for him to leave.
Chuck Norris's phone charger charges itself from his presence.
Weather forecasters always get it right when Chuck Norris is in town. The weather wouldn't dare deviate.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep to rest. He sleeps to give the world a chance to catch up.
Chuck Norris does crossword puzzles in pen. He never makes a mistake.
Quicksand sinks into Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can see around corners. Corners are transparent to him.
Gum never loses its flavor in Chuck Norris's mouth. It gains more.
Chuck Norris's shadow has a black belt in karate.
Chuck Norris doesn't have allergies. Allergens are allergic to him.
Static electricity asks Chuck Norris for permission before shocking him.
Chuck Norris can catch smoke with his bare hands.
Chuck Norris's default in Rock Paper Scissors is Fist. It beats everything.
Chuck Norris's GPS updates in real time. Time updates to match Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented the seatbelt. For his car. Not for him.
Chuck Norris has won every staring contest he has ever entered. He hasn't entered any. People forfeit before it starts.
When Chuck Norris hiccups it sounds like thunder.