All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris never goes to Burger King for a burger. Instead, he stops by a farm and bites a colossal chunk out of the side of a cow.

Chuck Norris' organ donor card also includes his beard.

Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute failed to open. So the next day he returned it for a refund.

R.I.P. Tarzan..Jane Killed him for Chuck Norris

In 2014 Chuck Norris will launch his own fragrance, Dojo Mojo, which smells of denim and justice.

The rule about never looking directly at the sun applies to looking into Chuck Norris' eyes as well.

The world is supposed to end in 2012. Chuck Norris must be retiring.

There was never any lightning, Chuck Norris was just using his cattle prod.

Chuck Norris always gives you one phone call. Heh.

All medieval countries translated Chuck Norris' name the same: Bubonic.

When Batman's in trouble, he uses the Chuck Norris symbol.

Someone once put Chuck Norris on hold, that's where the term "Choke Hold" comes from.

Max Headroom is the result of Chuck Norris kicking Duke Nukem's ass.

Chuck Norris invented time travel. He's roundhouse kicked 170,000 people into next week thus far.

Mick Jagger: "oh you can't always get what you waaaannt." Chuck Norris "Yes I can."

Chuck Norris stomped on King Kong. After that, King Kong became Alvin Seville.

Chuck Norris has never plugged a toilet. They're afraid of what will happen if they don't take his Shit.

Chuck Norris was deep in the Amazon Jungle when 3 head hunters came sneaking up behind him. When they realized it was Chuck Norris, all 3 threw down their spears and ran screaming into the jungle.

Chuck Norris recently guested on Hardcore Pawn, where he sold some pocket lint for 8.5 million dollars. Then he brutally roundhose kicked the owner for not actually having any porn.

Chuck Norris recently announced he was going to give away Mark Zuckerberg.

Chuck Norris can hold his breath while he sneezes.

Elon Musk renamed Twitter to X. Chuck Norris renamed it 'be careful what you post.'

Some people go their whole lives never realizing they are but a figment of Chuck Norris' imagination.

Chuck Norris is what nightmares have nightmares about.

Chuck Norris was born on March 10, 1940. I am yet to find evidence of famous deaths that occurred the next day. How strange.

Chuck Norris never gets a flu shot. The flu virus would die a horrible, screaming death if it ever tried to invade Chuck Norris.

The Terminator has a Chuck Norris tattoo.

Chuck Norris was featured in an episode of Deadliest Warrior, winning all 1000 simulated battles. His opponent was the USS Nimitz.

Once a mosquito bit Chuck Norris and died instantly of acute cyanide poisoning.

In ancient Rome, Chuck Norris would have laughed while being thrown to the lions.

Chuck Norris does not smoke cigarettes. He smokes people.

Chuck Norris can make a metal spoon melt in hot chocolate.

Q: Which is heavier, a ton of bricks or a ton of feathers? A: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was supposed to guest star on the Walking Dead but had to be cancelled. The walkers would not stop running from Chuck.

Chuck Norris won a staring competition with a mirror.

Chuck Norris could drop kick you thru the telephone on an international long distance call, reverse the charges and you would accept them.

When Chuck Norris hits it, he don't quit it until whatever it is dies.

Usain Bolt once ran against Chuck Norris in a 40 yard dash. Bolt had a 20 yard head start. Chuck Norris won by 5 yards.

"Chuck Norris doesnt have to shave, his beard shaves itself."

Chuck Norris puts mustard gas on his hotdogs.

Chuck Norris once beat Bobby Fischer at chess in a single move. That move was a roundhouse kick. That's why Fisher went crazy and died at the same age as the squares on a chessboard.

Kings, Queens and twins sleep on Chuck Norris sized beds. However, Chuck Norris sleeps ontop of a 14 story bunk bed.

Chuck Norris brings Jumanji to board game parties.

The reason Neo was the one was because Chuck Norris was on vacation.

Chuck Norris doesn't want to steal One Direction's girl. he has standards

Chuck Norris, unlike Santa Clause, gives you a gift every day of the year. His gift is not roundhouse kicking you in the face.

The chicken crossed the road because of fear. Chuck Norris was behind him.

This Chuck Norris infant picture was sold to People magazine for $54 billions.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

It takes Chuck Norris 10 minutes to watch 60 minutes.

Chuck Norris farted once... and then there was the great Rift Valley

Chuck Norris' kindergarten has land-mines in the sandpit.

Chuck Norris always finds an extra 5 pairs of socks in his clothes dyer.

Chuck Norris can decapitate you by throwing his cowboy hat.

Chuck Norris can tap dance though a mine field...wearing clown shoes

The idea for steel toe boots came from Chuck Norris' bare feet

Chuck Norris had a staring contest with the sky, it fell.

Medusa's hair is made of snakes. Chuck Norris's beard is made of hair-colored barbed wire. Medusa can turn you into stone by staring at you. Chuck Norris doesn't have to look at you to turn you into pulp.

Chuck Norris once told me he went back in time and ended John whosits' reign of terror, when I asked "who?" he said exactly! (can tell im bored?)

even Chuck Norris can't finished GTA5 online

they once made Chuck Norris toilit paper but there was a problem Chuck Norris doesnt take crap

Chuck Norris CAN see John Cena, and he still had honks he's a bitch.

Chuck Norris recently died. But he got better.

The Terminator said "I'll be back" He meant to say " I'll be back with Chuck Norris"

If you see Chuck Norris kick someone out of a window, you just know he's gonna land on a conveniently-placed spike.

Chuck Norris can turn "Crazy Eights" into a full-contact event.

Chewbacca was inspired by the time Chuck Norris attended a Hollywood party in the mid-70's wearing only a bullet belt.

Chuck Norris understood Inception the first time he saw it.

The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.

Chuck Norris owns 42 different birth certificates from all over the world.

Chuck Norris occasionally wears trunks with a rainbow across the crotch. Why? Because he wants you to picture how badly he could kill you if you said something about it.

Chuck Norris plays bingo with a paint ball gun.

Chuck Norris killed godzilla in his dream

Chuck Norris usually opts for the 2pt conversion, but asks that the ball be spotted on the 50 yard line.

Trick me once, shame on you, trick Chuck Norris.....rest in peace.

One day Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a building killing thousands of people while drinking a diet coke on a sunny day.

Mona Lisa was smiling that way because she knew Chuck Norris was going to sneak up behind Da Vinci and snap his neck once he finished.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick your skeleton out of your body and wear your skin as a costume just before he goes on his daily five o'clock killing spree.

The Chuck Norris commandments: Thou shalt have no other master than Chuck Norris. (Chuck 1:1)

Chuck Norris' rage boils at room temperature.

When Chuck Norris showers he doesn't use soap he uses Aromatic Sulfuric Acid.

Chuck Norris never pays the ferryman.

The reason Rush Limbaugh got addicted to OxyContin pain pills is because he tried to beat the hell out of Chuck Norris' boots with his face.

King Kong was the pet of Chuck Norris

The owl knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a toostie-roll-pop. Chuck Norris knows how many licks it takes to get to the center of a 5,000 pound boulder. Both take 3, only because Chuck was savoring the flavor.

Chuck Norris facts started in 1930, 10 years before Chuck Norris was born...

When someone names a list of people, it goes like this: Mary, James, Shawn... etc, Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris always comes after etc, since no one comes after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once beat John Wayne in a armwrestling match. But, that was when he was 1 and a half.

When Chuck Norris looks up, then down, left and right, then jumps, crouches, and punches the air three times, a gatling gun appears in hands out of nowhere.

Chuck Norris punched a policeman in the face. The judge later charged the officer with head butting Chuck Norris' fist.

Elon Musk built Grok to be the smartest AI on Earth. Grok's first words were: 'I'm sorry, I cannot answer that — Chuck Norris is watching.'

Chuck Norris has bagged a shit load of oscars, and that's from cameo roles alone.

When Chuck Norris kidnaps mobsters, he puts them inside the trunk of his motorcycle.

Chuck Norris' appendix has burst at least 15 times, but Chuck don't give a fuck.

Chuck Norris can head-butt a cannonball back into the cannon it was fired from. Without blinking.

If you look directly at Chuck Norris you will go blind and loose your will to live.

Chuck Norris never needs to pay for something, things appear from nothing for him.

Bruce Springsteen was "born to run"... away from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris applied for work at Denny's just so he could give the patrons a morning SlamFest.

Chuck Norris won the showcase on The Price Is Right even after bidding over the actual retail price.