All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris can kill an ender dragon without any potion, Armours and weapons in Minecraft.

Chuck Norris once had a zoo, he said that most of it tasted like chicken.

Chuck Norris doesn't avail for a broadband promo. he reaches out through the satellite in space.

A Chuck Norris divided against himself can still stand.

To Chuck Norris, every zoo is a petting zoo.

America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship, after Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris can make you disappear with just a blink of an eye, literally.

Chuck Norris is nothing compared to DavidV. DavidV drowned a guy in fire.

Chuck Norris stood up next to a mountain, and chopped it down with the edge of his hand. He then picked up all the pieces and made a little island. The only surviving witness was Jimi Hendrix.

When the sun goes outside,he puts on Chuck Norris glasses.

Chuck Norris cuts his fingernails with a hatchet.

Chuck Norris' lawnmower is equipped with a battery of hellfire missiles.

If "Evil Dead" had starred Chuck Norris as originally planned, it would have shattered box office records and be hailed as a masterpiece of modern cinema.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he tuns into Hulk. When Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris, when Chuck Norris gets mad, RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Norris once got a 500 in bowling. Without a ball. Or pins. Or oxygen.

Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris invented the boat

The day of letting bulls go behind people in Spain is in fact the day Chuck Norris have to feed, so bulls had to escape.

So you hate Chuck Norris? Well it was nice knowing you. I hope you had good life.

After he was born, Chuck Norris immediately ate his own placenta.

Chuck Norris once Round-House kicked a man so fast, his foot went at the speed of light, i't traveled back in time and killed the dinosaurs. Meteor? No, Chuck Norris.

According to Rocky Balboa, Chuck Norris has 'the eye of the tiger'. He keeps it in a pickle jar.

Chuck Norris had a bit of a mean streak, even as a child. He regularly enjoyed scaring his pet Grizzly Bear.

Chuck Norris taught Pai Mei from kill bill 2 the Five Finger Heart Exploding Technique.

Each time you rate this, Chuck Norris hits Obama with Charlie Sheen and says, "Who's winning now?!"

Ironically, Chuck Norris once drowned an elephant in a 5,000 gallon vat of peanut oil.

The original idea for the show Survivor was to put people on a island with Chuck Norris.............there were NO survivors and no one is brave enough to go retrive the footage!

Chuck Norris wishes that he could understand this 'fear' shit.

Chuck Norris recently invented The Internet 2.

The only reason Chuck Norris didn't win an Oscar for his performance in "Sidekicks" is because nobody in their right mind would willingly give Chuck Norris a blunt metal object. That's just suicide

Chuck Norris created the Sasquatch by setting fire to a Yeti with a flame thrower.

Chuck Norris can speak English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Russian, Italian, and Elvish- all at the same time.

If Chuck Norris has 5 apples, and you take 2 away, you have about 3 seconds to give them back.

Lindsay Lohan was actually on her way to having a great acting career before Chuck Norris sodomized her.

Chuck Norris will not be in The Expendables 3 simply because Stallone never wants to feel that terrified again.

Calvin Klein always used to wear Chuck Norris' discarded slacks.

Chuck Norris & the Late Chip Reese played a hand in the men's toilet in one casino in Las Vegas. The toilet is now known as 'Bobby's room'.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy called Phil. Afterwards Phil became known as Empty.

as a kid Chuck Norris beat the hell out of 1 of the beatles. next time dont piss him off.

Chuck Norris is a one army guy and he won world war 1 and he didint use a gun!!!

Chuck Norris once beat a ghost to life.

Chuck Norris won the NBA Slam Dunk competition by just holding the ball.

Chuck Norris KNOWS where Waldo is.

Chuck Norris does not need a toothbrush when he brushes his teeth

While playing Blackjack, Chuck Norris can bust without hitting. He just chooses not to because Chuck Norris never busts

Chuck Norris invented awesome sauce by drinking hot sauce and spitting it out.

After reading about the April protests in Baltimore, Chuck Norris decided to attend the Orioles, White Sox game to protect the players. No protester or thug dared attend.

Chewbacca says "Sir" to no one except Chuck Norris

Albert Einstein's hair used to be neatly combed...until the day he met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows the meaning of life. In fact, Chuck Norris IS the meaning of life.

Some men have been able to pull large objects like cars or trucks with their teeth. Chuck Norris is able to pull the entire U.S. Navy Seventh Fleet.

When Neil Armstrong stepped onto the Moon, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him 900 yards and said, "That's one giant leap for a man, and a long damn wait for me."

Chuck Norris once slipped River Phoenix a mickey.

Chuck Norris was constipated only once. So he ate 5 pounds of chocolated Exlax but it only resulted in one single "shart".

Hell was created when Chuck Norris walked into a sauna.

If you ever see Chuck Norris' O face, you will turn to stone

Chuck Norris' microwave has killed many a creature.

Chuck Norris put his rows in a duck.

In lieu of shark week. When Chuck Norris goes shark diving. It's the sharks that jump into a steel cage for their protection.

What happened to the crew of the Mary Celeste? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is so modest that his ranch isn't called "Chuck Norris's ranch." It is simply called "Texas".

When Chuck Norris ironed his clothes the steam was blood

If Charlie S+heen is winning, its only because Chuck Norris isn't playing.

Chuck Norris beat Mark Spitz's Olympic and world record 200 meter butterfy time by swimming through the WAL*MART concrete parking lot while chained to two dead bull elephants and a pregnant rhino.

SpaceX is planning the biggest IPO in history. Chuck Norris once went public and the stock market retired.

Chuck is short for "Charles".......Chuck Norris is short for "I'll fuckin kill you!"

Kryptonite is Chuck Norris' birthstone.

Hot news from the Vatican...white smoke appears. Chuck Norris has been elected Pope! All ye of faith, welcome Pope Charles deNoir-iz Kikyorectumis.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat Oreos.... He eats Norreos.

Hannibal Lecter wears a "Chuck Norris is a badass" T-shirt.

Chuck Norris can flip a coin and make it land on both sides at the same time.

There is a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not the frieght train called Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not checkmate. He Chuckmates.

After rigorous medical testing it was agreed that Anabolic Steriods are an exact match to Chuck Norris's urine

Chuck Norris recently created a new genre of music, by fusing country music with East Coast gansta rap and Swedish death metal while incorporating elements of Tibetian throat-singing. He calls it Norrisound.

Chuck Norris was once offered the title of "The American Man" but declined it, For Chuck Norris is to awsome to be claimed by any country.

Before the Boogyman goes to bed at night, he checks in his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can un-spike punch.

Some people show off by ripping phone books in half. Chuck Norris can rip them back into one piece.

Chuck Norris said Daryl Dixon is almost as much a badass as me. Almost.

The drink doesn't choke Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris chokes the drink.

The real reason dinosaurs are extenct is because Chuck Norris went back in time.

While some people prefer peanut butter or jam on their toast, Chuck Norris prefers napalm.

When Chuck Norris goes for broke, he always ends up with millions more.

Superman is afraid of only two things, kryptonite--and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once pissed in a gas tank of a semi truck as a joke......that truck is now know as Optimus Prime

Chuck Norris will only eat a Plantain Split.

Chuck Norris won the 2011 Texas Holdem championship by bluffing the last hand while his down cards were the Joker & the Old Maid.

Chuck Norris famously once said: "With great power comes great responsibility. But sometimes, y'know, fuck it."

Chuck Norris is so hard he jumped from the effiel tower broke both his legs and walked to the hospital

Chuck Norris walks into a bar. The bar says ow.

In an objective, scientific sense, looking at an image of Chuck Norris erodes your soul.

Chuck Norris is allowed to put Baby in the corner.

The only time Chuck Norris ever displays any sort of mercy is when his hemorrhoids are bleeding.

At some point during his annual week long African safari hunts, Chuck Norris always finds the time to enjoy atleast one night of elephant tipping.

Facebook, not only a social networking site but also the shape your face takes when roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

Every pet Chuck Norris has owned could shoot laser beams out of there eyes

The Truth will set you free; Chuck Norris will set you on fire!

Only one person ever disagreed that the BIg Bang was the birth of Chuck Norris and survived, Stephen Hawkins

Chuck Norris recently broke Harrison Ford's ankle while he was busy banging Carrie Fisher on the Star Wars set.

When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt.