All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris once sued the makers of the game 'Command And Conquer' for stealing the name of what he likes to do when attending a frat party.

Chuck Norris hungers only for vengeance.

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris let the dogs out....then roundhouse kicked them through an oldsmobile.

Bigfoot has a picture of Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris says he has the power of attorney, he simply means he has the power (and desire) to beat you to death with one.

Chuck Norris can beat the impossible game......without dying.

Chuck Norris is a lot like Dr. Dre: you should never, ever forget about him. Similarly, nor should you talk about guns like he ain't got none.

Chuck Norris doesn't swim. He beats the shit out of the water until it takes him to where he wants to go.

Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter

Chuck Norris knows the meaning of every word known to man... except mercy.

Once at a college frat party, Chuck Norris copleted a 2 1/2 gainer in tuck position from a chandelier into a punch bowl.

Once Chuck Norris installed an internet in his windmill.

Chuck Norris is so tough he scares the shit out of toilet paper.

For Chuck Norris, pain truly is the cleanser.

Chuck Norris once punched a smartass so hard he was stopped for speeding 6 blocks away.

The police routinely question Chuck Norris just because they find him interesting.

After Chuck Norris takes a dump, he sprays his bathroom with a can of Glade Floral Spray. That helps and makes it only smell like a hippopotamus took a shit in a flower garden.

Chuck Norris is the only true American patriot. If you suspect that .... you are gonna die by a swift roundhouse kick to your face. Nobody has ever found out who the kicker is.

Chuck Norris does not brush his teeth with a toothbrush and toothpaste. instead, he uses steel wool and hydrochloric acid.

Chuck Norris completed his bucket list when he was 14. He officially retired that year.

Chuck Norris can beat The Impossible Quiz with 0 losses.

The California Redwood forest is Chuck Norris toothpick factory

Why did Colonel Sanders throw away his military career to fry chicken? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can run so fast, he can actually shoot an apple off of his own head

looking at Chuck Norris stare at me on this web page is scaring me

"The Bride of Chucky" might be a scary movie. But "The Beard of Chuck" is even scarier... Chuck Norris FTW......

The so-called imaginary numbers used to be real numbers, till Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked them to oblivion. This incident is also responsible for most of the mysteries of the Universe.

Chuck Norris once started a forest fire by clanging the wrecking balls down his pants together.

Chuck Norris has his own brand of cereal. Roundhouse Crunch

Chuck Norris has a beard made of Brillo Pads

An average guy going up against Chuck Norris would be like Woody Allen going into the ring with Mike Tyson.

Chuck Norris doesn't pay attention, attention pays Chuck Norris.

"If it bleed... we can kill it" Chuck Norris on the set of Predator trying to steal Arny's job.

Whenever Chuck Norris gets mad he beats up the pillows in his couch.

Chuck Norris demanded he be awarded a Nobel Prize or else he would destroy the world. To appease the great destroyer, the Nobel Committee awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for 1947 to Chuck Norris and Gandhi. Chuck Norris killed Gandhi the next day.

Chuck Norris breathes fire, has laser eyes, spits acid, and pisses lava.

Chuck Norris CAN see John Cena, and he still thinks he's a bitch.

Chuck Norris has so many friends on facebook, he needs 3 accounts

All is Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris is All.

Chuck Norris was the first actor cast to play John McClane, the movies were originally called "Kills Easily"

Chuck Norris is edgier than all the ghettos of Detroit.

A man once created a voodoo doll to exact vengeance upon Chuck Norris. As soon as he finished it, it immediately came to life in his hands and choked him to death.

Unlike a Timex, Chuck Norris' opponents take a licking and they don't keep on ticking.

Chuck Norris' house pet is The Kraken. If you approach Chuck Norris' house uninvited, Chuck Norris will "release The Kraken".

Chuck Norris has been there, done that, and got the t-shirt, cap, the mug and spoon set, and the woman who handed all that shit to him.

Whenever you knock on wood, that's Chuck Norris' cue to hack an orphan to death.

Mickey Mantle's longest home run travelled about 565 feet from home plate Chuck Norris' longest home run travelled about 565 light years from home plate.

Chuck Norris is going to kill you if you read this and hes gonna do it with a feather that is how he rolls

Bruce Lee didn't actually kill Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris was just bored of fighting so he took a nap

Stephen King refused to write Chuck Norris' biography, as he considered the story too 'scary and gruesome'. An enraged Norris ran him over in a panel van, then framed a hillbilly for it.

Chuck Norris can hack the shit outta you with a samurai sword and make it look like you died of natural causes.

Facebook was originally Chuck Norris's personal webpage of pictures of the people he has roundhouse kicked in face.It filled up with so many people it leaked onto the internet.

Prophet Muhammad is afraid to draw Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris turned lead into gold.

If you see Chuck Norris fighting a bear, don't help Chuck Norris, help the bear. "

Chuck Norris can slap a schizophrenic sane.

When Chuck Norris goes to the beach, he doesn't need sunblock, the sun needs Chuckblock.

When E.F. Hutton spoke, people listened. That's because his friend Chuck Norris was ready to throttle any dumbass who wasn't paying attention.

Chuck Norris does not have a shadow. Who wants to get caught sneaking up behind Chuck Norris.

Hemorrhoids are a pain in the ass. And in legal terms so is a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to 'said same'.

Chuck Norris made a pair of toy X-Ray vision glasses really work.

Chuck Norris once developed a severe case of upset stomach after eating an entire live rhino. He had to pull the pin and swallow a live hand grenade just to be able to burp.

when the devil went down to georgia, he wasn't looking for a soul to steal, Chuck Norris got in and took over hell before anyone could tell him to get the fuck out.

Chuck Norris can shoot men with a knife.

Chuck Norris' calendar always has February 29th. Nothing skips Chuck Norris, not even time.

Chuck Norris knows 10 different ways to spell Bob

Chuck Norris was kicked out of the the NFl for refusing to wear a helmet or a pad of any kind...

Chuck Norris convinced a dinosaur the earth is 6000 years old.

If God knows all, sees all, and hears all, then God must be Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris falls in a pit with hundreds of Rattlesnakes. The next day he emerges with Rattleskin boots,belt,hat,jacket and noticeable weight gain.

Chuck Norris is in the death star trench run; Obi one kenobi: use the force chuck. Chuck Norris: F*** you old man, I use round house kick. Period The death star blew up with only one roundhouse kick and the universe was saved.

Chuck Norris does not eat Honey, he eats the bees

When Chuck Norris plays pokemon red, his starter pokemon choices are: Darkrai, Arceus, and Missingno. He, of course, takes them all and is ALREADY a pokemon champion.

A Chuck Norris punch to the face has been directly linked to the causal affect of sleep apnea.

On February 15, 2013, Chuck Norris hit a home run out of Rangers Ballpark that made it to Chelyabinsk, Russia before exploding. New personal best.

Chuck Norris can stop a red light!

Chuck Norris' car runs off bubbles and the tail pipe takes his shaft like a champ

Chuck Norris was once in Russia, people now remember it as "In Soviet Russia"

Chuck Norris like to do cartwheels up and down the aisles while the plane is landing.

Chuck Norris can waterboard you with a jar of M n' Ms

In the movie Alien 5 the Asswhoopin', movie goers were astonished to see a small Chuck Norris burst out of an alien and proceed to kick the crap out of him.

Steve Jobs died because Chuck Norris was pissed that the iPhone 4S wasn't the iPhone 5

Chuck Norris was once a guest on Top Gear. Chuck and his 18 wheeler beat The Stig's in a Veyron best lap by 14 seconds. Lucky Chuck Norris only had to change one tyre.

Chuck Norris can track your IP address with the sun and/or moon.

Chuck Norris can recite Bolivian poetry in Japanese Pig Latin.

Chuck Norris can flush his toilet by simply scowling at it.

If you can read this, your gonna die from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can describe a color to a blind person.

Chuck Norris visited Americas Toughest Prison for a vacation. After 30 seconds of fighting, all the inmates asked to be transferred to Death Row.

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

So far, genealogists have only be able to trace Chuck Norris' ancestry back to Ivan the Terrible.

Any man can make yellow snow. Chuck Norris can make brown snow.

God created Chuck Norris because Chuck Norris allowed him.

Chuck Norris showed Paloma Faith that roundhouse kicks also hurt like love.

Chuck Norris can finish the "song that never ends".

Chuck Norris is who Cliff Richards' heart was given away to last Christmas.

When Chuck Norris plays monopoly he doesn't pay to get a property.

Chuck Norris doesn't get shocked, the electricity gets Chuck Norris'd

Chuck Norris is gay. By saying that sentence, my life expectancy is down to three secon

Chuck Norris dosn't go bungee jumping off of bridges, bridges go bungee jumping off of Chuck Norris.