All Chuck Norris Facts

When Chuck Norris travels from Africa to North America, he crosses through the Bermuda triangle

When he was a kid, Chuck Norris invented an imaginary friend, whom he called 'God'. Everyone got in on the act, and religion was born.

Chuck Norris super human kicking speed is the reason The Flash can be seen in slow motion running bare footed.

When Chuck Norris was born in 1940, the only person who cried was the Doctor.

Chuck Norris pee'd his name in the snow at Aspen. He was standing in Dallas.

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from Chuck Norris...it never made it to the other side.

Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.

Chuck Norris once fought with his roundhouse kick and defeated it. LOL!

Why do birds suddenly appear, every time Chuck Norris is near? Just like me, they long to be... close to Chuck

Chuck Norris can blow-out a volcano.

Chuck Norris can mix water and oil.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a horse in the face, its descendants are now called the giraffe

DNA: Deoxyribonucleic acid CNA: Chuck Norris, asshole

Chuck Norris can get to the center a Tootsie Pop, in just one lick.

Chuck Norris can ride a BMX bike while wearing bigass MC Hammer parachute pants.

James Bond's license to kill was issued by Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris uses lemon juice for eye drops

If life hands Chuck Norris lemons, he makes beer...

Chuck Norris named the Dead Sea. He also swam to the bottom of it.

Love is a battlefield. Chuck Norris is Field Marshall.

Jesus could walk on Land. Chuck Norris can swim through land.

Chuck Norris can do donuts in a steam train

Women are known to undergo involuntary ovulation at the sight of Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break my bones, but Chuck Norris will always hurt me.

Chuck Norris will only feed his pet canary, "Twinkles" strictly a diet of live peregrine falcons.

We're taught Jesus died for the redemption of our sins: past, present and future. If Chuck Norris sins, we're totally screwed. We'll need a bus full of Jesuses, for something as minor as when Chuck Norris says "God dammit".

You quickly realize you've had a bad encounter with Chuck Norris when you reach over your shoulder to rub something off your back and discover it's your face.

Once, while tooling around in his Delorean, Chuck Norris accidentally went 4.5 billion years into the past. Before returning to the present, he hocked a wad of phlegm out the window. And that is how all life on earth began.

Chuck Norris is the only living person who ever skyped from a rock.

Saddam didn't invent mustard gas, Chuck Norris ate baked beans and farted

When Chuck Norris shaves his beard, it grows back within three minutes. That's why his early movies were so damn hard to film.

Chuck Norris was hit by a train and the train was found 3 days later beyond recognition

Chuck Norris had appendicitis so he removed his appendix with his pocket knife and closed the wound with a staple gun.

Chuck Norris died yesterday. He's fine today.

Whenever there is an earthquake, know that Chuck Norris is not very far away.... and the earth knows it

if someone challenges Chuck Norris, life ends on earth

Chuck Norris starred in a sequel to the movie "300" It's called "1"

Chuck Norris makes Bear Grylls look like a goddamn shut-in.

The Chuck Norris commandments: Thou shall not misuse your lord Chuck Norris name. (Chuck 1:3)

The only thing that can survive a nuke is twinkes. And Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris likes his meat so rare; he only eats unicorns.

Bigfoot has plaster casts of Chuck Norris' foot prints.

If you ever insinuate that bearded men are insecure, the last thing you will ever see is Chuck Norris sprinting toward you.

Chuck Norris can whistle underwater.

Someone once used Chuck Norris' name in a men's restroom graffiti. That is correct, "once"! The body of a castrated man was later found by police floating in the city sewer system.

Chuck Norris won the 2011 Las Vegas Blackjack tournament by taking 22 hits on his last hand.

christmas fact: Chuck Norris can put you on the naughty list. That ends with a roundhouse kick in your face.

Chuck Norris doesn't smoke cigars. He smokes smoke grenades.

Chuck Norris is not afraid of a skin walker

'Chuck Norris' in Canadian is 'Sasquatch'

The Grim Reaper is actually Chuck Norris's son.

Chuck Norris once created a rock so heavy that even Chuck Norris couldn't lift it, then he lifted it anyway, just to show the who the fuck Chuck Norris is.

Some of Chuck Norris' favorite comedies include Reservoir Dogs, 300, Scarface, The Wild Bunch, Terminator II, Rambo III, Natural Born Killers, Conan the Barbarian, The Godfather, and Apocalypse Now.

Chuck Norris was supposed to star in the movie "Zombieland". The zombies were terrified of him and Woody Harrelson had to replace him.

Chuck Norris can burp Haiku verse in hex.

Want to know what Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick feels like? Go ask Stephen Hawking

Chuck Norris gives the same Christmas gift every year: he lets you live.

Chuck Norris once farted and lit it on fire as a joke. We now call it the sun.

Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs in a Vita-Mix blender.

Chuck Norris can make RuPaul dress like a man.

Chuck Norris fought a zombie bare-handed and won.

If you slap Chuck Norris......oh god i just cant say it...hes behind me.

Fred Long won the Oscar for Best Costume Design for Invasion USA, for providing Chuck Norris with tight jeans.

Chuck Norris can lift himself three feet in the air while urinating.

God said to the world, "Let there be light!" Chuck Norris said, "Say Please"

Chuck Norris doesnt Shit bricks, he shits full size buildings, hence the invention of the Pre-Fabricated homes.

Chuck Norris is considered a sensitive, new-age guy... who just happens to own four gatling guns

Chuck Norris is allergic to mercy. Enough said.

Chuck Norris dung glows in the dark and emits a barely audible hum.

It is a well known fact that too many uninformed people, now deceased, took Chuck Norris for granted. It is equally true that all living, well informed individuals take Chuck Norris for granite.

The last guy to play frisbee with Chuck Norris was actually Bob Dole.

Chuck Norris's "Will" will never be stronger than Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris knows how to shut down Skynet. Warner Bros beged him not to so they can make some money out of it.

Chuck Norris looked at a grayard and said what have i done

Chuck Norris requires a recking ball to bowl

there isn't an I in team but there is an I in Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can kick u in the back of the face

The sunami in Japan was an accident. Chuck Norris just wanted to splash around in the tub.

Chuck Norris was the Da Vinci's Code. Nobody ever had the guts to decode it, knowing that.

Chuck Norris uses barbed wire as dental floss.

Only Chuck Norriss' fights start with the end.

Chuck Norris' living room is a full-scale replica of the final level of Doom.

Chuck Norris invented facial piercings back in the 60's when he rammed a hippie head first into a fisherman's tackle box.

Chuck Norris talked to himself in his mother's womb.

Of course God is a woman, she's Chuck Norris' bitch

Chuck Norris' bodyguards a lucky to have Chuck Norris as their bodyguard.

Chuck Norris' uvula is the size of a punching bag.

Chuck Norris forced the Beatles to change the lyrics to many of their songs, including "All You Need Is Chuck", "Hey Jude (Chuck Norris Fathered You)" "I Am Chuck's Walrus" and "Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Chuck Norris".

It is impossible to beat Chuck Norris in rock, paper, scissors since his roundhouse kick beats all. Yes, even the bomb.

When the Oracle told Chuck Norris he wasn't the ONE, he laughed and roundhouse kicked her in the face.

When a young Chuck Norris learnt how to swim, he didn't need any floaties or vests. He swam laps with his feet encased in concrete.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity and negative infinity, mutliple times, while waiting in line at the DMV.

Tony the Tiger knows that Chuck Norris is G-R-E-A-T!

The fumes from a Chuck Norris fart can make Limburger Cheese smell a perfume factory.

Chuck Norris can build a computer with Windows 7.

Chuck Norris doesn't count his chicken before they hatch. He cracks them and eats them.

Genesis 32:30- I have seen the face of God Chuck Norris 1:1- I punched the shit out of it

Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares, nightmares have him

Chuck Norris once made a waterfall run backwards by sheer intimidation.

Kevelar body armour is made from the nose hair of Chuck Norris