All Chuck Norris Facts

The Kool-Aid Pitcher Man once burst through Chuck Norris' livingroom wall and said, "Oh Nooooo!"

I don't know why we haven't been able to explore Black Holes yet....just send Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't play billiards, as he pots all the balls on his first shot. You won't see this, you would have already been killed by the rebounding cueball.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Justin Bieber's voice is so high

Chuck Norris ate tiny the tiger for breakfast and it was GGGRRRREEEAAAT!

Attitudes have a Chuck Norris problem.

Chuck Norris knows theory of Everything, but if he tells you he will have to kill you.

Santa actually gives everyone presents. It's just that Chuck Norris pounds some of them into coal.

Chuck Norris has never lost playing 'Whack-a-Mole'.

Chuck Norris once interrogated agent Smith.

Chuck Norris' pet mouse, Mr Whiskers, ate a cat.

For most people, home is where the heart is. For Chuck Norris, home is where he stores his collection of human skulls.

All libraries file Chuck Norris' novels in Non-Fiction

Chuck Norris special orders his pencils without erasers because Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.

Chuck Norris wins American Idol humming the Tetris theme.

Chuck Norris is thankful for everything he's got. And that is everything on this planet, including the planet

Clint Eastwood to Chuck Norris: Ask yourself, "Do I feel Lucky?Well, do you , punk? Chuck Norris with piercing hollow stare. You do know who I am, right? ...... Pow! Thud! " maybe you need to talk to the foot.

Chuck Norris can destroy a falling piano with a dime.

Chuck Norris pioneered the idea of multiple organ donations after ripping out the still-beating heart, kidneys, lungs, liver and eyes of some fool who scratched his car.

Chuck Norris can beat the Dark Souls video game in one play through without dying.

After Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked Theresa Caputo, the Long Island Medium in the face for being a fake, she really was able to communicate with the dearly departed...posthumously.

Chuck Norris scrathes his balls with barb wire.

Chuck Norris can sing "Yankee Doodle Dandy" in a Jamaican Reggae voice.

If Chuck Norris was the lead actor of Mission Impossible, the movie would've lasted 1 minute.

When many people end a threat with "or else," the "or else" is pain or punishment. When Chuck Norris uses "or else," it means horrible death.

When Chuck Norris plays Halo 3, he uses only a pistol. He has never lost. EVER.

Chuck Norris and his Mom have matching tattoos. Left kuckle Right knuckle Chuck Norris . Left foot Right foot Chuck Norris. Only one difference. Above his Mom's hairy mat it reads Hello ! Above Chuck Norris's bearded Ass it simply reads Goodbye.

The world was a cube. Until Chuck Norris got there!

During the Japan Tsunami a UFO was spotted flying out of the water.Recent news report Chuck Norris piloted the object. That object was his leg.

Chuck Norris puts his pants on by roundhouse kicking his closet.

Chuck Norris visited his local Taco Bell and ordered a platter of Alaskan King Crablegs. The Taco Bell manager was pronounced DOA at a local hospital after he was only able to provide Chuck with a single chicken fried snail a la carte.

The Black Eyed Peas inspiration for "Boom Boom Pow" is about Chuck Norris famous lethal combination. 2 straight jabs creating the "Boom" sound and finishes you off with the roundhouse kick to the head creating the "Pow" sound.

In science, the hydrologic cycle is simply the process of Chuck Norris watering the garden to keep his feeding supply fresh.

Chuck Norris was selling a line of drinks called (Chuck Norris in a can) in a wide variety of flavors, but do to the fact that the drinks had a roundhouse kick of flavor, it had the same effect as a roundhouse kick.

Once, as a child, Chuck Norris lied to his parents. Seconds later, their pants caught on fire.

On a recent trip to Vegas, Chuck Norris won a hand of blackjack with 21 aces.

CHUCK NORRIS CAN CUT THE PERFECT SLICE OF CAKE WITHOUT MESSING A SINGLE CRUMB, USING ONLY A BASEBALL BAT.

bir is just a high velocity Chuck Norris spit

the movie "dont mess with zohan" is based on the true story of Chuck Norris' life

Chuck Norris recently won the World Horseshoe Pitching Tournament while they were still attached to a Clydesdale.

Once Chuck Norris actually tried on one of his roundhouse kicks. This was also the start of World war 1 and the aftershock of the beginning of World war 2

the only time Chuck Norris will cry is in 2012, when he's not the one killing everybody.

If Chuck Norris only had one leg, it would be called Hopper: Texas Ranger.

Gatsby was merely adequate before he got Chuck Norris' approval.

Chuck Norris just returned home this morning from a martial arts demonstration in Yemen.

Chuck Norris goes on a daily walk to the moon!

Chuck Norris once pitched a perfect game against the Chicago Cubs without throwing any strikes.

"Fear is the sustenance that need not be chewed." -Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris never uses parachutes when he skydives out of airplanes because they only slow him down.

The universe is always expanding at a faster and faster rate, that's because it's running away Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris thinks Marcelles Wallace looks like a bitch.

Chuck Norris eats volcanoes for breakfast, and farts hurricanes while he sleeps.

Chuck Norris was originally going to be in Cowboys VS Aliens, but the movie would have been over in about 3 minutes and 7 seconds.

Chuck Norris is the best cop ever. Why? He can roundhouse-kick criminals straight to jail.

Chuck Norris recently hired himself as his new major-domo.

If you dare to look at Chuck Norris' snakeskin boots, you will get a case of bleeding hemorrhoids before kicks them up your ass.

Chuck Norris's wife had a baby,he did all the breast feeding!

Chuck lives forever - You really want to know what happened to the dinosaurs? One of them made fun of Chuck Norris's 'stache.

Chuck Norris dosn't rock and roll; rock and roll Chucks Noris'

Chuck Norris puts out forest fires with his piss, while singing I make it rain

Chuck Norris pee's napalm and craps C4

Chuck Norris is such a badass he even asked Santa for a bag of coal for Christmas.

Chuck Norris wears green on St. Patricks day. Noone dares pinch him

There's three poles in the world. The North Pole, The South Pole, and Chuck Norris' Pole

Hammertime does not stop Chuck Norris

If you ever talk shit about Texas, don't be surprised when Chuck Norris teleports into the room and starts slapping you around.

they say Santa comes once a yer Chuck Norris comes twice a year

Q: What's the difference between 1) Facebook people, phone messages, and consumer fads and 2) Chuck Norris's fist? A: You can block the first 3!

if i get five good things Chuck Norris will do a roundhouse kick and kick justin bibers ass

Chuck Norris doesnt believe in religion, religion believes in Chuck Norris

Satan has a ultimate weapon to try to destroy Chuck Norris. But sadly, it worked. But then Chuck Norris revived himself and kicked Satan's ass.

Chuck Norris don't know you from a bar of soap. However, he can easily murder you with one.

Chuck Norris understands the lyrics to "Louie Louie."

Chuck Norris has six assholes. And even he will need them all to shit enough corn & peanuts infused feces on the U.S. House of Representatives.

The Thousand Islands used to be one big island, but then Chuck Norris's roundhouse kick smashed it into pieces.

Chuck Norris can lick his own elbows...both...at the same time

Chuck Norris once kicked a baby elephant into puberty

Chuck Norris cures women with aids by fucking them

If Chuck Norris is decapitated by a boat propeller, which happens more often than most people think, he can regrow his own limbs.

Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.

Jimi Hendrix played a guitar. Chuck Norris played Jimi Hendrix

Chuck Norris once shot down a Russian MIG in an aerial dogfight. Chuck was flying in a hot air ballon.

Chuck Norris can surf the net on his abacus

When Chuck Norris watches Dora the Explora, Dora doesn't ask any questions.

Chuck Norris finished in first and second place in the New York Marathon. He lapped the field once.

Chuck Norris doesn't die: he just takes five minute breaks.

Chuck Norris once ordered a Big Mac at a police stop... and fucking well got it.

Chuck Norris fixes the suspension on his Hummer when he limbo dances under it

Chuck Norris always carries Pepper Spray.......In case he feels like some sweets.

The upcoming debut album by the Chuck Norris Experience is expected to become the highest-selling album of all time.

Chuck Norris contacted Smallpox. It made him sniffle and it evolved into Ebola. So he blew his nose while on vacation in Liberia.

The World's Most Interesting Man worships Chuck Norris.

Why does Chuck Norris lower your blood pressure? Because he's a beater blocker

Chuck Norris is tougher than the speed of light.

Chuck Norris' wife was hospitalized after she misunderstood when he told her to go to Cox's Department Store to buy him a seersucker suit. Instead, she went to Sears and bought him a cocksucker suit.

In America, Chuck Norris can beat you up. In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris can beat you up.

Chuck Norris once threw a cigarette butt out of his car window while passing through the Sahara Rainforest.

Chuck Norris never runs, the ground down him that moves itself...

Chuck Norris stapled two liquids together

Electronic microscope pictures of the Y chromosome are just tiny photos of Chuck Norris