All Chuck Norris Facts
8,874 legendary facts and counting. Page 65 of 89.
The buck stops at Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has to lay low from the cops, his alias is Not Chuck Norris. He has photo ID and everything.
If you dont believe God exists, he doesnt believe you exist, and soon you should expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face....(Chuck Norris is God.)
Chuck Norris took a ccoking class in the 7th grade. For his first assignment he barbequed a wolverine.
Chuck Norris' digestive system can dissolve corn and peanuts.
Dragon Ball Z was based upon all of Chuck Norris's moves
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever successfully complete Harvard medical school and Harvard law school.....at the same time.
When Chuck Norris was born, he poped out with a tactical knife in his hand.
Most people have 23 chromosomes, Chuck Norris has 72 and they're all poisonous
Chuck Norris once went to Sea World, and wrestled an orca to death.
Chuck Norris is the reason the penguins live in Antarctica.
Chuck Norris does not pay bills, bills PAY Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris shits in urinals.
Every time a bell rings, Chuck Norris fucks a woman named Sarah Connor.
Chuck Norris roundhoused a guy so hard he starved to death before he stopped sliding.
When Chuck norris gave birth to himself god said "O' my chuck!"
Contrary To Popular Belief, Chuck Norris Won Super Bowl 46. By Phone
Chuck Norris once threw a 'block party'. The city of Detroit filed for bankruptcy the next day.
Chuck Norris once passed a kidney stone off the coast of Long Island. It sank the Titanic.
The reason why Chuck Norris can get away with all of his thousands of murders is because he his 'preventing future crimes'.
Chuck Norris wipes his ass with a Brillo Pad.
When Chuck Norris heard about Child Abuse, he made Aduld Abuse.
Of course Chuck Norris' closet goes to Narnia.
Chuck Norris has downloaded the whole internet
Chuck Norris relaxes in his acid bath to the soothing strains of Norwegian black metal.
an acorn planted in a pile of Chuck Norris shit will grow into an oak tree overnight
Chuck Norris owns a 747 convertible.
Chuck Norris made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
Chuck Norris farts helium, which is tapped by the US Meteorological department to send balloon up into ionosphere. True fact.
There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Chuck Norris said 5 "Bloody Marys" and 3 "Candymans" Simultaneously in an abandoned warehouse mirror. He then saw both of them run away from him.
Chuck Norris is the reaso Waldo is hiding.
Chuck Norris usually finishes typing before the words start getting displayed on the screen
A Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to the head is the reason Eric Holder can't remember his involvement in Operation Fast and Furious.
Cars were invented to have a faster way of fleeing from Chuck Norris. Not to be outdone, Chuck Norris invented the car accident.
The DeathStar wasn't a destroying machine, it was one of Chuck Norris' balls.
Chuck Norris once hit a home run with a grand piano.
A reporter asked Chuck Norris what he thought when the news runs a story about the Kardashians. Chuck said "I think that's a good time to take a big dump".
Chuck Norris killed both Biggie AND 'Pac
children check under their beds and in there closets for the boogeyman but the boogeyman checks under his bed and in his closet for Chuck Norris.
Jesus wears a WWCND bracelet !!!!!!! What Would Chuck Norris Do....
When Chuck Norris turned nine he finally kicked his parents the fuck out of his house.
The square root of Chuck Norris: pain. Chuck Norris squared: death. Chuck Norris cubed: you don't want to know.
No one wants Chuck Norris to follow them on twitter
Contrary to popular belief, not even carrying a turd in your pocket can protect you from Chuck Norris. Heck, even ghosts are afraid of turds!
When taking baths, Chuck Norris didn't have rubber duckies as a kid. He had toothpicks and nails.
Most people need a liter when they burn down a forest. Chuck Norris only needs his ass and his lazer vision.
Various pieces of the official Lego Chuck Norris set have choked a record number of kids.
Chuck Norris will roundhouse kick you to death if you laugh at Chuck Norris jokes. He will also roundhouse kick you to death if you don't laugh at Chuck Norris jokes. The choice is yours.
Chuck Norris beat the hell out of Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson with a plank of wood.
Chuck Norris cuts his steak with his fist.
Chuck Norris only smokes cigars after making love. He's a forty-a-day man.
Chuck Norris's beard is so tough that he can use it as a shredder.
Chuck Norris once paralyzed a man in a thumb-wrestle.
The greatest trick Chuck Norris ever pulled was convincing the world that the Chuck Norris facts are just jokes.
When Chuck Norris pulls a rabbit out of a hat he gets the entire Playboy Mansion.
When Chuck Norris first saw his reflection, he was shocked to see that there is another man as manly and good looking as him. So he said "boo" and the relfection promptly rolled over and died.
Chuck Norris can outrun his legs and feet
Chuck Norris once knifed a guy to death then beat up the knife.
Chuck Norris kicked Maggie and the Ferocious Beast so hard they woke up in Nowhere Land.
Bob the Builder. Can he fix it? .... Not while Chuck Norris is alive.
ya know how you cant eat just one lays chip WELL Chuck Norris CAN
Chuck Norris don't need no academy award, he owns the goddamn academy.
Chuck Norris killed the electric car.
After Chuck Norris merciless killed 27 Ninjas while vacationing in Japan, the Japanese government said that he should be hung. His response was, "don't worry about it, I already am".
The devil has a Chuck Norris-may-care attitude.
It is said that a watch pot nevers boils, but in Chuck Norris case a watch pot boils in an instance out of fear and retallation from Chuck Norris
"He protects woman, and kills enemies. We should all be like Chuck Norris" - Israli Officer
Chuck Norris dosen't call 911.. 911 calls Chuck Norris..
Chuck Norris never needs toilet paper to wipe his ass,his Godly ass wipes it himself.
Chuck Norris's blood smells like cologne.
Back in 1980's New York Chuck Norris used to walk around carrying two massive ghetto-blasters and still be able to drink a beer.
When Chuck Norris air guitars, you can hear it playing. If you cannot - your death is imminent.
Chuck Norris was in the Congo and encountered a cannibal. With one piercing look from his steely eyes, Chuck turned him into a vegetarian. Permanently.
Chuck Norris began weight training at age 3. He bench-pressed a 747 ten times.
Kramer vs. Kramer. Chuck Norris won.
The cookie crumbled because Chuck Norris glanced at it
Chuck Norris easily won on 'Iron Chef America' by microwaving 2 ham & cheese Hotpockets. Prior to the show, he advised the judges he would provide them with thier choice of either Hotpockets or a knuckle sandwich.
Some people swallow live goldfish on a dare. Chuck Norris prefers live piranha.
All the religions of the world believe that reading Chuck Norris facts aloud daily increases your chances of surviving till the next day.
Chuck Norris inhaled helium and had a much deeper voice.
Chuck Norris punched a gift horse in the mouth
Chuck Norris once did a woman so hard she had to change churches.
Chuck Norris is the answer to the question, "What's the worst thing that could happen?"
Chuck Norris once spit through a man's skull.
Tommy is the only Ramone left because he followed Chuck Norris's advice and bought a Total Gym.
If Chuck Norris stretches every muscle in his body, he'll suck up the universe because of high gravity.
Hitler killed himself when he saw Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris was banned from the show Survivor, his primal instincts take over; he killed and ate 5 players. Survive to Chuck Norris means something different.
Chuck Norris Invented Cars so that you can get away from Chuck Norris..... Too bad that cars arent fast enough...us
Chuck Norris tells Scorpian to "get over Here"
Chuck Norris believes some people can only be taught a lesson via gunshot.
Greek Gods fled to Mount Olympus they saw Chuck Norris wandered on earth.
Chuck Norris was annoyed by the noise coming from his neighbor's house. So he punched his neighbor in the throat and moved his house over four blocks.
Chuck Norris fears nothing. But fear fears Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris slaughters anyone named Chuck or Boris.
Chuck Norris' dog once ran into the street, and a car got ran over by it
If Chuck Norris ever dies, the US government will give him a twenty-one-nuke salute, on France, just like he wanted.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was afraid to be on the same side as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once defeated a alligator, a bear, and a cougar by tying them together with a anaconda