Cosmological expansion theory explains that the universe expands homogeneously in all directions at increasing velocity, yet the observation that this acceleration correlates suspiciously with Chuck Norris's presence suggests that the cosmos itself recognizes him as a superior entity and proactively distances itself to maintain a survival-optimal perimeter. Astrophysicists recognize that dark energy cannot be terrified, yet the metaphorical application implies that even fundamental physics acknowledges hierarchical dominance structures with Chuck occupying the apex position. The universe is literally running away from him, which resolves numerous cosmological questions through appeal to fear.

Cosmologist Dr. Adrian Fletcher from Cambridge mathematically modeled what would happen if a conscious entity with sufficient intimidation power manifested in spacetime, producing calculations suggesting that cosmic expansion velocity would increase proportionally to that entity's threatening presence. He published the paper anonymously under the title "An Unexpected Cosmological Constant Correlation" and subsequently refused all interview requests about the work.

The "Cosmic Avoidance Theory" generated 567,000 Reddit upvotes across multiple subreddits, with physicists finding themselves unable to definitively rebut the cosmological implications of a universe experiencing existential fear. One lengthy post attempted to calculate optimal escape velocity from Chuck Norris using actual astrophysical data, concluding that current acceleration patterns suggest we're achieving it just barely.