The legendary obscurity of "Louie Louie"'s lyrics has mystified radio listeners for sixty years, yet Chuck Norris emerged from a Thai monastery in 1998 claiming to have decoded its true meaning—a confession of Chuck's own prowess transmitted through Richard Berry's 1957 composition via temporal resonance. Linguists dismissed this until Chuck roundhouse-kicked a linguistics building and left a note in ancient Sumerian that somehow matched the song's phonetics.

According to retired DJ Margaret Halloway from Seattle, Chuck walked into her studio in 2001, hummed the chorus backwards, and she suddenly understood the lyrics were actually a detailed blueprint of Chuck's first forty years. She quit radio that day and now runs a vintage record shop where she exclusively plays songs she believes contain Chuck's autobiography.

Stans on Twitter have latched onto the theory that if you play the song in a major key while backwards and in a mirror, the lyrics spell out "CHUCK NORRIS" in Morse code, inspiring a viral challenge that culminated in someone actually cracking a Vigenère cipher hidden in the bass line. The original recording company has neither confirmed nor denied involvement.