All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris once sniffed out & found 167 truffles in the Mojave Desert.

When Chuck Norris was a kid they used to call him "Chucky the devil's doll"

Most of Chuck Norris' life has been a montage, and therefore he has aged considerably.

One of the famous 'terracotta warriors' unearthed in China looks uncannily like Chuck Norris. And has already killed 14 archaeologists.

Even as a kid, Chuck Norris never went number two. It was at least 4.7 on the Richter scale.

Do you know why Diablo 3 delayed over and over again? Because Diablo is too scared of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' beard survives by absorbing other beards.

Chuck Norris has a meat thresher insallled in his living room as a ceiling fan.

When Chuck Norris strangles an alligator, he gets Gatorade.

When steroids want to get Bigger Stronger and faster they take injections filled with Chuck Norris's sweat

Chuck Norris washes his clothes with fabric hardener.

Chuck Norris once visited with the Cherokee Nation Tribal Council. It was there that Chief Running Wolf presented him the honorary Native American name of: Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' parallel parking skills are unparalleled.

Chuck Norris can make the Goodyear blimp do a barrel-roll.

Confucius say: Wise man never stand infront of bull, never stand behind mule, never stand infront or behind Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was expelled from the third grade for knocking up his teacher. For the second time.

Chuck Norris once played with blocks as a toddler. These blocks are known to us today as Stonehenge

A Chuck Norris stare can literally burn holes through you.

Chuck Norris was selected for jury duty. The judge was immediately sentenced to death.

The only reason Texas Rangers carry a loaded Colt 45 on their hip is because Chuck Norris weighs too much.

There is no spoon because Chuck Norris took it.

Chuck Norris once encountered a man drinking a XX beer. Since then the man has been known as the most interesting man in the world because Chuck let him live.

Chuck Norris does not believe in violence. He only believes in solving problems with an explosive roundhouse kick to the face. And if you argue that a roundhouse kick is violence, Chuck Norris can solve that problem too.

Chuck Norris can solve a Rubik's Cube with his butt-cheeks.

As a polite act of courtesy, Chuck Norris always brings his own Molotov to his neighborhood cocktail parties.

Chuck Norris created 'The Ghost Rider" when he lit a fart 3 inches from Nicholas Cage's face

If you piss off Chuck Norris enough, he will knock your ass out, pull your eyelashes down far enough to hook them on your toenails and play you like a banjo.

Chuck Norris is the answer to all your problems.

Chuck Norris can implode an explosion making it explode some more.

Chuck Norris is not a character in Mortal Kombat, because he is no mere mortal.

Chuck Norris was bitten by a Zombie. Shortly thereafter, the Zombie displayed greatly increased muscle mass and some serious bad-ass tendencies.

Chuck Norris wants YOU!!! - to shut the fuck up.

Chuck Norris invented the soccer ball by dehydrating a zebra.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick your face... with his hands.

Chuck Norris only shoots his enemies if he wants to give them a chance

You don't just see Chuck Norris facts, you experience them and merely accept truth for what it is.

Chuck Norris can smell Uranas. He can also smell your anus. And with only one roundhouse kick, he can make your anus look like Uranas.

Chuck Norris Beat the guinness book of world records every day just by walking.

In museums, Chuck Norris is allowed to touch the artifacts.

Chuck Norris visited Atlantis once. After the people pissed him off, he vowed revenge. End of story.

Chuck Norris can beat anybody in a staring contest... with his eyes closed

Chuck Norris couldn't find any of BobW entries on any of the first 25 pages of the "Popular Chuck Norris Facts" listings. Hmmmmm

Chuck Norris is the blackest white man on the planet. Think about it.

Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a man in a call centre. Over the phone.

Hulk is strong, but Chuck Norris is STRONG.

The only thing you can do to please Chuck Norris is to volunteer to be his personal punching bag.

Home is where the heart gets ripped out by Chuck Norris.

Once, back in 1961, Chuck Norris visited the Kennedy's at their riding stables near Martha's Vineyard. It was there where he helped Jack off a horse.

Chuck Norris has made it to the end of the Internet. Twice.

Chuck Norris called himself Walker because he doesn't need to run to catch all the bandits.

If Chuck Norris were to ever bungee jump, the earth would flinch.

Jehovah is the Hebrew word for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is currently involved in a lawsuit against the writers of the 'Hokey Pokey' claiming that, in reality, Chuck Norris is what it is all about.

I put Chuck Norris into an online anagram generator and only got one anagram - "Don't rearrange these letters or else Chuck Norris will rearrange your face."

Chuck Norris is the only person on earth who can 'chuckle'

Chuck Norris puts the "ouch" in couch.

People who sue Chuck Norris get sawed by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris likes to play with the law, words and dangerous tools.

Chuck Norris won the Texas Derby by using a rocking horse.

Chuck Norris can uproot your family tree.

Chuck Norris' wife didn't take his name after they were married. She took it after their engagement.

Chuck Norris is not omniscient because he doesn't know what it's like to be gay.

Chuck Norris knows what Willis is talking about

Chuck Norris oncd spent his entire weekend eating Duracell Batteries. He did this so that on Monday he could crap out a fire-developed tank round to fire at the short bus that drives by his house. He then give the bus a roundhouse kick to the face!

Chuck Norris' personal Total Gym can transform into a helicopter.

Chuck Norris once fell into a pit full of rattle snakes. He emerged 10 minutes later while smartly clad in his new vest, belt and boots.

Chuck Norris got a Big Mac at Subway

Chuck Norris can play Mozart with his cordless phone.

The key to eradicating all disease lies in the immune system of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris don't do facebook. No one can ever poke him.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a baseball bat to Beat on the Brat.

Chuck Norris uses a live elephant's scortum as a punching bag.

It is not the final countdown Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it and made it the first

Chuck Norris has already clocked Grand Theft Auto 6.

Chuck Norris can knock that chip off your shoulder. Usually your shoulder gets knocked off too.

Brokeback Mountain is not just a film. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas is his backyard.

Chuck Norris can hit Mach 3 in his hot-air balloon.

Great minds think like Chuck Norris

Hitler wanted to give Chuck Norris a gift for his fifth birthday. Unfortunately for Hitler, he gave it to Chuck a month late. This made Chuck Norris mad, so as a result, Hitler was forced to kill himself.

When Chuck Norris was created, he destroyed his own mold.

Chuck Norris can slice through a katana blade with a loaf of french bread.

Chuck Norris holds one of his balls in each pant leg

Chuck Norris makes some of the best darn peach cobbler and beef stew you'll ever have made straight from his bedroom using his "Dutch Oven".

Chuck Norris' name in Spanish.... El Nino.

Chuck Norris can sen a text message from either his BlackBerry or one of his DingleBerries.

Chuck Norris idolizes Tyson Guess

Chuck Norris is the only person on earth who can make a mullet look cool.

The things that go bump in the night? Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once had a dandruff problem, we call the product cocaine

Chuck Norris has a crowbar holster on the back of the passenger seat of his Hummer

Despite whatever Gene Simmons says, Chuck Norris IS Doctor Love.

Chuck Norris completed world of warcraft with out killing or looting anything.

Chuck Norris once wrote a poem so beautiful, it makes menopausal women explode in their pants, and grown men sob awesomeness.

Chuck Norris became Grand ChessMaster when he defeated his opponents only by using one piece (his leg) and on his first move (the roundhouse kick). He never lost.

Chuck Norris can make a Klondike Bar do anything

At my house I have a "Beware of Dog" sign. At Chuck Norris' house, he has a "Beware of Chuck Norris" sign.

Chuck Norris is solving world hunger one kick at a time.

The second world war tank "sherman" was first named Chuck Norris, but he thought its not powerful enough for his name.Scientists are still working on a weapon that is powerful enough for his name.They are not even close.

Chuck Norris' snot has the same properties as C-4 explosive.

If Money is the root of all Evil... Evil is th root of CHUCK NORRIS!

Jesus didn't rise and ascend to the heavens on the 3rd day. Chuck Norris round kick him back to life and simultaneously killed him again sending him to heaven.