All Chuck Norris Facts

A door to door salesman interrupted Chuck Norris during his steak dinner. Chuck punched him in the brain.

Once Chuck Norris went to donate a liter of his own blood to a charity hospital. The doctors in the hospital had to turn down his selfless service as human beings cannot accept smoldering lava for blood transfusion.

Anywhere Chuck Norris eats, instantly becomes a six star restaurant

Chuck Norris has reached the end of the Internet more than once.

The reason Chuck Norris's shoes are brown is because the shit from peoples ass is caked onto his shoes from kicking their ass that hard.

Chuck Norris once snapped a bears neck after it scratched his jacket.

If you want to change your name, then you have to be killed by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris watches TV on his Gameboy

When Chuck Norris goes for a swim, the sharks panic. You wanna defy gravity? Let Chuck Norris give you a roundhouse. No Wait, no one "LETS" Chuck, he just does.

Chuck Norris once played pool with the planets. He lost to Pluto...that's why it's not a planet

Chuck Norris can perform delicate heart surgery with two sticks and a tire iron.

Chuck Norris can fight better than all fighting video games. How? He instantly wins.

Chuck Norris's keyboard has an F13 key.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Mars is red.

Chuck Norris' beerhat is a viking helmet with two kegs.

When he was four, Chuck Norris could use his Etch-A-Scetch like an iPad.

Why is Chuck Norris artificial fertilized?....Because nobody fucks his mother.

Bono wears Chuck Norris sunglasses.

Chuck Norris went to court once, and he lost. He roundhouse kicked the judge in the head so hard that all of justice became blind.

Zebras were created when Chuck Norris kicked the color out of horses.

Little known fact: Chuck Norris was the original lead singer of the British pop band The Smiths. He went by the name Norrissey.

Chuck Norris' accent wears a tuxedo.

If you see Chuck Norris doing anything illegal, it's best not to day or do anything about it.

When Chuck Norris finishes watching a useless 1 hour movie, he can get his 1 hour back.

Whenever Chuck Norris getss thirsty, he doesn't buy water or drink from a fountain. He prefers the arterial spray from a freshly decapitated passerby.

There are ancient tribes in the Amazon, as yet untouched by modern civilization, who worship Chuck Norris as their god of gods.

Chuck Norris can rear-end his own car.

Chuck Norris is the actual King of the World.

Remember the show "Who's the Boss"? Chuck Norris was the boss. Chuck Norris is everyone's boss.

Chuck Norris and the Dale Lamma got to gether to see the perfect human the Dale Lamma asked Chuck Norris where the person was Chuck Norris told Him to look at ME the perfect HUMAN!{Which is Chuck Norris}

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, killed Kenny, and killed Mr. Boddy in the hall with a roundhouse kick.

acid rain happens when CHUCK NORRIS piss

Deepfake technology can make anyone look like anyone else. Nobody has ever successfully deepfaked Chuck Norris because the footage roundhouse kicks the algorithm.

Chuck Norris once actually made it rain cats and dogs just so he could solve a mouse problem.

Chuck Norris can play skin banjo without using his hands.

Every hair on Chuck Norris' beard represents the soul of a victim

Chuck Norris can in fact buy love. But he prefers to spend his cash on beer and ammunition.

Chuck Norris did not play high school or college football, thus sparing hundreds from injury.

Chuck Norris can text using his walkie talkie and without batteries.

Osama, Gaddhafi, and Kim Jong IL, died in 2011 because they forgot to pay tribute to CHUCK NORRIS!

Chuck Norris doesn't drink tea - he drinks hot beer

Chuck Norris can cremate you instantly with a mean-ass death stare.

One day Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a building killing thousands of while drinking a diet coke on a sunny day.

I've heard Chuck Norris was going to be a playable character in SSBB. His hammer-using animation would be him moving the hammer in a full circle with only his left pinky. It turns out that he is stronger than that.

Who would win in a fight: Chuck Norris or Chuck Norris? Neither. The world would implode from that much awesome.

Chuck Norris has no enemies, he only has victims

Colten: Chuck Norris Plus your mom plus you equals two bodies lying in a huge pool of blood and a diabolical smile on Chuck Norris' face.

The idea of Pepsi came to fruition when Chuck Norris micturated in a can. The idea of Crystal Pepsi came to fruition when Chuck Norris drank lots of water one day and pissed in a bottle.

Q:why did the chicken try cross the road? A:to get away from Chuck Norris... and it never made it to the other side.

Chuck Norris can comb his hair with a thunderbolt

its easy to be latino lover like Chuck Norris if u stole the beauty from susan boyle

Every superhero has a back-up plan in times of big trouble: contact Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can do blastbeats on a grand piano.

SpaceX can land a rocket on a drone ship. Chuck Norris can land a drone ship on a rocket.

Chuck Norris was issued an American Express Platinum Card when he was 9. The President of American Express apologized to Chuck for making him wait so long.

Chuck Norris knows how to get to Seasame Street.

Chuck Norris can steal free samples.

Chuck Norris can hermetically seal a can of whoop ass and disguise it as a trick or treat gift for his annoying neighborhood kids.

Chuck Norris won on 'Dancing With The Stars' by BBQ'ing a rack of pork ribs.

Chuck Norris gifted Chuck Berry the gift of the music form commonly known today as rock n roll.

Contrary to popular belief Chuck Norris shaves too - his pubic hair.

Chuck Norris won The 24 Hours of Le Mans auto race in three hours.

There were originally 11 commandments. Unfortunately Moses did not catch the last. 'Thou shalt not fuck with Chuck Norris.'

Chuck Norris can kill a living room

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked all the masculinity out of Justin Bieber, which all landed inside P!nk.

When Chuck Norris does push up he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the world down.

He, Chuck Norris, is awesome!!!

Chuck Norris can destroy an entire office block with a single pelvic thrust.

Chuck Norris can peel an orange with a chopstick.

Chuck Norris once jumped up a bannana tree and sang the Star Spangled Banner backwards. When asked why he replied "Happy pappy bang bang!" then shat his pants

Chuck Norris can push the trigger.

Chuck Norris owns a squad of Oompa Loompas

Why did Chuck Norris hasn't appeared on any mortal kombat games. Simple, the name says it all. "mortal". Also there won't be any fatality tha will work on him, he will just roundhouse kick anyone either he wins or loose.

Chuck Norris is personally responsible for global warming, but it seems no one can convince him to go on a diet who actually lived to tell us if he would consider lightening his daily intake of barbecued rattlesnakes and beans.

Chuck Norris' mother once caught him masticating a horse in his bedroom.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? Fucking ALL of it.

Chuck Norris can send text messages on a Post-It Note.

Chuck Norris doesn't 'pass gas' he FARTS and blows trees over!

Life finds a way... of being ended by Chuck Norris

Even at age 72, Chuck Norris isn't considered to have reached old age. If old age were ever stupid enough to reach for big Chuck, he would break its fucking wrist and throw it through a plate-glass window.

Chuck Norris never had a bustle in his hedgerow, and if he ever does, he won't be alarmed. In fact, he is the only person on earth who knows what the fuck that actually means.

Chuck Norris updates his DNA every 5 minutes

When Chuck Norris visits his ranch, he always makes sure to take a ride on Sherman, his Cape Buffalo.

Chuck Norris invented calculus in order to keep track of how many people he kills.

Chuck Norris often go to the hen house to choke the chicken.

Why are there so many "Rocky" films? Because Rocky was smart enough NOT to fight Chuck Norris in any of them.

Chuck Norris beat a game of Super Mario Bros.(1985) by just pressing the start button

There's no point in crying over spilled milk unless it's Chuck Norris' milk ... then you're gonna die.

There once was a Chuck Norris toilet paper brand, but it would not take shit from anyone.

The thing worst than Chuck Norris is death...wait...I got it backwards.

along time ago Chuck Norris met an Asian kid also named Chuck Norris. Not pleased with there being another Chuck Norris so he punched him so hard the name on the the Asian kid's birth certificate changed to Bruce Lee.

If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris.

The only sure things in life are death and taxes. Unless you're Chuck Norris, then they're optional.

Carlsberg dont do Chuck Norris but if they did they would get Roundhoused

Chuck Norris did offer to dance with the Devil on the pale moonlight but the Devil said "not a chance, not with Chuck Norris"!

The Pope calls Chuck Norris "Father."

Chuck Norris can post 50,000 word essays on Twitter.

If Chuck Norris says that turkey, cranberries & yams actually taste real good, then they do!!! And out of fear, that's the only reason we we eat that crap. We are truely Thankful that Chuck Norris only demands this once a year.

Chuck Norris has a blood pressure reading of zero over zero,nothing puts Chuck under pressure.

Who wrote the book of love? Chuck Norris. He also authored The Book Of Death (Vols 1-27).