All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris can kill people with a single thought. Too bad he overwhelms them with MILLIONS.

Chuck Norris. A man of goddamn action.

Chuck Norris has KISS' Gene Simmons makeup design tattooed to his face in blacklight-reactive ink.

Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can plug that spilling oil pipe in the gulf of mexico. Call him on 1-200-HANG-UP

Chuck Norris is touring Yemen in his new Hummer with his sterio amp cranked up playing "Hava Nagila".

Chuck Norris ALWAYS has a gun in his pocket. He is never happy to see you.

Chuck Norris can actually shoot a breeze

Sauron's ring was actually Chuck Norris', and if he'd known he'd of kicked Frodo's arse.

Chuck Norris can tear a page out of face book

Chuck Norris once drove to Hawaii and back. Yeah, drove.

If you put Chuck Norris as your profile picture on facebook thousands of supermodels will friend you each day

There are no lines on Chuck Norris' palms. He decides his own fate - and others'.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

For the extra added kick to his homemade Texas Chili, Chuck Norris adds a 1/2 cup of Y.pestis infected rat turds as seasoning.

Chuck Norris can tech an old dog the kind of tricks that would make that Mindfreak guy's head explode.

After extensive pharmacological research & analysis it has been determined that Anabolic Steriods are an exact match to Chuck Norris piss.

Chuck Norris' shit easily sinks lower than whale shit.

Chuck Norris is the problem to all the answers to your problems!

Chuck Norris defines, then defies the laws of physics.

One of Chuck Norris' bumper stickers reads 'This is just a distraction - I'm now sitting behind you'.

Ever wonder how bacon was created? Chuck Norris karate chopped a pig so many times so all that was left were thin strips of meat. He then cooked them with his fire breathing ability and so bacon was invented. His beard suggested the name.

Chuck Norris follows everyone on Twitter... and in real life... at the same time.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees

Poor Freddy Krueger has been having nightmares ever since Chuck Norris moved to Elm Street.

Chuck Norris is not as smart as Einstein. It is impossible for Einstein to arrange M&M's in abc order but Chuck Norris can.

Chuck Norris found the end of pie.

Chuck Norris can cause you significant pain by squirting banana juice in your eye.

Only Chuck Norris knows the truth about Extraterrestial life, God told him, but God also told them about Chuck which is why we never see them.

Gravity falls under the influence of the laws of Chuck Norris.

Physicists have replaced the term Big Bang with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has kidnapped Bin Laden

Chuck Norris uses waffle-makers as foot spas.

Chuck Norris opens beer bottles with the nearest person's anus.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can purchase firearms while drunk and totally naked.

aliens abduct cows to save them from the wrath of Chuck Norris

you know that handle bars song? that singer rode his bike with no handle bars well Chuck Norris rode his handle bars with no bike.

In Texas they give the condemned inmate on death row an option..firing squad or Chuck Norris.

When you tell Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris fact, he laughs. And then roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris invented feet so people could run from Chuck Norris before he was born

There are no aliens in Area 51, only Chuck Norris' children.

As a kid, Chuck Norris's dog didn't eat his homework, his homework ate his dog

Chuck Norris doesn't use straws, he summons the liquid inside him.

Life is like a box of chocolates. They are all for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris created the alphabet just so he could spell the words "kicked your ass".

Chuck Norris skinned Waldo and put it on, waiting for new prey to find him.

Chuck Norris is Tyler Durden's alternate persona

If a car's gas tank was filled with urine from Chuck Norris, it would get 1,000,000 miles to the gallon and go to 0 to Mach 3 in 4.4 seconds.

"On 21 december 2012 Chuck Norris will align the planets and cause a poleshift."

If Fox had cast Chuck Norris as Jack Bauer, the show would have been called "3"

Chuck Norris subscribed to officialpsy after watching Gangnam Style. This is why Gangnam Style is so popular.

when theres a war going on between them and Chuck Norris he dont need back up cuz he is the back up

Contrary to popular belief, Do Re Mi Fa So La and Ti are not the only sounds in music, there are 300 more, but those frequecies are reserved by the FCC for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a world-class landmine-stomper.

Chuck Norris was tending bar when an ugly woman walked in with a duck. Chuck asked "hey, where'd you get that pig"? The woman said "that's not a pig, its a duck". Chuck said "I was talking to the duck"!

Chuck Norris knows when you're sleeping, Chuck Norris knows when you're awake, Chuck Norris knows if you've been bad or good, So be good, or your life he'll take.

Chuck Norris has a gun rack above his toilet.

Moammar Gadhafi was found when Chuck Norris flew over Libya and pointed him out.

Michael Jackson once met Chuck Norris. That night, he went home and wrote "Thriller"

Davy Crockett shot his first bear when he was only 3. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his first bear into oblivion when he was only 6 months old.

No matter where Chuck Norris is, he always gets free wifi and a full bar cell-phone reception

You know why Chuck Norris-movies suck? Because the movies are nervous about Chuck Norris in 'em.

A guy was furious at Chuck Norris. He fought with Chuck Norris with all of his rage. Chuck Norris happily fed on his rage until the guy became a hippie. Then Chuck Norris obliterated him, because Chuck Norris doesn't like hippies.

Chuck Norris swallows sword-swallowers.

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes lemonade, and then goes to sunbathe on the beach.

Thunder is just another result of Chuck Norris sneezing.

Chuck Norris can't wait to find out what it's actually like to wait.

Chuck Norris found an extra Ping golf club sock in his dryer.

Creatine Monohydrate, the body building supplement is manufactured from Chuck Norris' dead skins extracts.

Chuck Norris was only played in scenes of the movie Expendables 2 because all of the action scenes compiled would only last 17 seconds.

Chuck Norris never has a failure to communicate

Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

When Chuck Norris farts, everyone around him says "excuse me Mr. Norris"!

Chuck Norris can swim in an empty pool.

When the going gets tough, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can live on the dark Side of the moon............naked

When Chuck Norris was 2, he was pulled over for doing 35 MPH in a 25 zone on his tricycle.

There are at least 23 ways Chuck Norris can kill you with printer toner.

Chuck Norris can walk into some asshole's house, murder everyone inside, then have a massive KFC feast and an orgy and walk out without leaving a single strand of DNA.

If Chuck Norris had a pennie for every time he roundhouse kicked someone, he would be the richest man ever.

Sometimes people die though they deserve to live. None of those people were killed by Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris kills someone, they damn well deserve it.

Chuck Norris doesn't worship Buddah,Buddah worships Chuck Norris.

The customer is always right...except when Chuck Norris owns the business.

A cow goes "moo". Chuck Norris goes "cow."

Chuck Norris got pulled over by a cop once. The cop was lucky to leave with a warning.

Chuck Norris and Rodney Mullen were skateboarding in Singapore. Rodney got fined, and Chuck got paid

Chuck Norris uses pepper spray to spice up his steaks.

All is fair in love and war................ Except when Chuck Norris breaks out the grenades

Chuck Norris can punch the 'you' out of you.

Senpai notices Chuck Norris. and im pretty sure Chuck Norris likes it.

Old Faithful is Chuck Norris' drainpipe

Heard the saying "you can't controll the weather"?, well Chuck Norris can.

When "The Situation" looks at Chuck Norris, "The Situation" turns into a beer-bellied redneck dumb-minded farmer in Colarado.

Chuck Norris would not be considered 'armed and dangerous'; if they had to use such terminology, they would rate him 'DEFCON 14'

Chuck Norris once changed his name back to Chuck Norris.

The Green Bay Packers challenged Chuck Norris to a football game. Final score: Norris 274, Packers (-96).

Q. Can you spell "Chuck Norris" without using any r's? A. Yes, "Chuck Kickass"

One time Chuck Norris rode a shark... on land while on fire while making love to three swimsuit models

Facebook as got a Chuck Norris account

when Chuck Norris stands in front of a mirror, it shattered because it knew that no one stands in between CHUCK NORRIS and CHUCK NORRIS.