All Chuck Norris Facts

Rain never used to exist before Chuck Norris began shouting at clouds to reveal their true nature.

When Chuck Norris says, 'this is the line. Don't walk across it', he just created a new international border.

People use x-ray films to view the solar eclipse. Chuck Norris goes to the moon to have a better view of the phenomemon with his naked eyes.

Chuck Norris doesn't have X chromosomes

If it bleeds, we can kill it. Therefore, Chuck Norris cannot bleed.

Atlantis is at the bottom of the Atlantic, because that's where Chuck Norris put it.

Every time Chuck Norris goes to New Orleans, hot women bare their breasts for him whether it's Mardi Gras or not.

Chuck Norris won the 'Dancing with the Stars' competition by Moonwalking on his butt cheeks.

Chuck Norris drank Daniel Day Lewis' milkshake.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse house kicked a man for asking him who invented the Roundhouse Kick.

Chuck Norris is clever enough to do crossword puzzles in ink.

Chuck Norris found Waldo, Carmen Sandiego and Jimmy Hoffa.

Chuck Norris can stop the Stones from rolling.

Chuck Norris can eat a Charleston Chew without chewing.

"Carpe diem" is a Latin aphorism translated to "seize the day". "Chucky diem" is a Chuck Norrism translated to "seize the throat".

The greatest discovery of mankind is Chuck Norris. You don't have to ask 'why?'.

Chuck Norris will be roundhouse kicking your ass in a second. And then he does mine.

Jesus shamelessly wore a Chuck Norris beard.

Chuck Norris can head butt a dumpster. And win.

Chuck Norris has a reputation not to be sneered at. Seriously, don't sneer at him. You'll get a boot to the kidneys.

A heckler told Chuck Norris his movies stunk. Chuck told him "I'd slap you stupid but I can tell someone already beat me to it".

If Chuck Norris played baseball, the Texas Rangers would have won the World Series in 2011. And 2010. And every Series dating back to 1972, their first year in Texas.

when firs man inventioned submarine, he saw a Chuck Norris smiling at him at deapt of 34000feets

For a split of a nanosec I had disbelief in Chuck Norris, but quickly I noticed that this particular nanosec was splitted by his karatepunch.

Chuck Norris can take Braveheart's life AND his freedom.

Chuck Norris commanded Russell Wilson to pass the ball instead of handing it off to Marshawn Lynch. Thats the reason why the Patriots won.........Seahawks should've won.

The Grim Reaper recently pissed in his robe when he realized he had snuck up behind Chuck Norris b

Chuck Norris once completed a perfect swan dive in tuck position from the high dive into an empty swimming pool.

Hand Sanitizer Doesn't Clean Chuck Norris Chuck Norris Cleans It

Five Finger Death Punch and Twelve Foot Ninja are rock bands named after the way Chuck Norris killed a giant ninja.

Those who say you can't unring a bell never met Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never worn underwear not made out of leather.

Jack was nimble, Jack was quick, but Jack still couldn't dodge Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

That damn dress is whatever color Chuck Norris says it is!

List Of Things Chuck Norris Cannot Kill You With: tiny Minecraft slimes

Chuck Norris solved the Riemann hypothesis on an abacus.

Chuck Norris is the best in the West. He also has the North, East and South totally covered.

If Chuck Norris ever fell of of a building the groung would move out of his way

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he destroys an orphanage

Because of Chuck Norris the big 5 is now know as the big 6.

Chuck Norris single-handily won a game of football by completing a 97 yard touchdown pass to himself. It was the only offensive play of the game.

Don't fight the IRS alone. Even Chuck Norris has to pay taxes.

Marry had a little lamb...and Chuck Norris silenced it.

Chuck Norris can kill people with a single thought. Too bad he overwhelms them with MILLIONS.

Chuck Norris. A man of goddamn action.

Chuck Norris has KISS' Gene Simmons makeup design tattooed to his face in blacklight-reactive ink.

Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can plug that spilling oil pipe in the gulf of mexico. Call him on 1-200-HANG-UP

Chuck Norris is touring Yemen in his new Hummer with his sterio amp cranked up playing "Hava Nagila".

Chuck Norris ALWAYS has a gun in his pocket. He is never happy to see you.

Chuck Norris can actually shoot a breeze

Sauron's ring was actually Chuck Norris', and if he'd known he'd of kicked Frodo's arse.

Chuck Norris can tear a page out of face book

Chuck Norris once drove to Hawaii and back. Yeah, drove.

If you put Chuck Norris as your profile picture on facebook thousands of supermodels will friend you each day

There are no lines on Chuck Norris' palms. He decides his own fate - and others'.

Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

For the extra added kick to his homemade Texas Chili, Chuck Norris adds a 1/2 cup of Y.pestis infected rat turds as seasoning.

Chuck Norris can tech an old dog the kind of tricks that would make that Mindfreak guy's head explode.

After extensive pharmacological research & analysis it has been determined that Anabolic Steriods are an exact match to Chuck Norris piss.

Chuck Norris is the problem to all the answers to your problems!

Chuck Norris defines, then defies the laws of physics.

One of Chuck Norris' bumper stickers reads 'This is just a distraction - I'm now sitting behind you'.

Ever wonder how bacon was created? Chuck Norris karate chopped a pig so many times so all that was left were thin strips of meat. He then cooked them with his fire breathing ability and so bacon was invented. His beard suggested the name.

Chuck Norris follows everyone on Twitter... and in real life... at the same time.

Chuck Norris clogs the toilet when he pees

Poor Freddy Krueger has been having nightmares ever since Chuck Norris moved to Elm Street.

Chuck Norris is not as smart as Einstein. It is impossible for Einstein to arrange M&M's in abc order but Chuck Norris can.

Chuck Norris found the end of pie.

Chuck Norris can cause you significant pain by squirting banana juice in your eye.

Only Chuck Norris knows the truth about Extraterrestial life, God told him, but God also told them about Chuck which is why we never see them.

Gravity falls under the influence of the laws of Chuck Norris.

Physicists have replaced the term Big Bang with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has kidnapped Bin Laden

Chuck Norris uses waffle-makers as foot spas.

Chuck Norris opens beer bottles with the nearest person's anus.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can purchase firearms while drunk and totally naked.

aliens abduct cows to save them from the wrath of Chuck Norris

you know that handle bars song? that singer rode his bike with no handle bars well Chuck Norris rode his handle bars with no bike.

In Texas they give the condemned inmate on death row an option..firing squad or Chuck Norris.

When you tell Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris fact, he laughs. And then roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris invented feet so people could run from Chuck Norris before he was born

There are no aliens in Area 51, only Chuck Norris' children.

As a kid, Chuck Norris's dog didn't eat his homework, his homework ate his dog

Chuck Norris doesn't use straws, he summons the liquid inside him.

Life is like a box of chocolates. They are all for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris created the alphabet just so he could spell the words "kicked your ass".

Chuck Norris skinned Waldo and put it on, waiting for new prey to find him.

Chuck Norris is Tyler Durden's alternate persona

If a car's gas tank was filled with urine from Chuck Norris, it would get 1,000,000 miles to the gallon and go to 0 to Mach 3 in 4.4 seconds.

"On 21 december 2012 Chuck Norris will align the planets and cause a poleshift."

If Fox had cast Chuck Norris as Jack Bauer, the show would have been called "3"

Chuck Norris subscribed to officialpsy after watching Gangnam Style. This is why Gangnam Style is so popular.

when theres a war going on between them and Chuck Norris he dont need back up cuz he is the back up

Contrary to popular belief, Do Re Mi Fa So La and Ti are not the only sounds in music, there are 300 more, but those frequecies are reserved by the FCC for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a world-class landmine-stomper.

Chuck Norris was tending bar when an ugly woman walked in with a duck. Chuck asked "hey, where'd you get that pig"? The woman said "that's not a pig, its a duck". Chuck said "I was talking to the duck"!

Chuck Norris knows when you're sleeping, Chuck Norris knows when you're awake, Chuck Norris knows if you've been bad or good, So be good, or your life he'll take.

Chuck Norris has a gun rack above his toilet.

Moammar Gadhafi was found when Chuck Norris flew over Libya and pointed him out.