All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris got a standing ovation by simply walking into a paraplegic convention.

Donkey Kong is Chuck Norris' dog.

Chuck Norris can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.

Chuck Norris'name was once on the english dictionary, but it didn't managed to stay there for a long time because the people who read the definition of the word never survived.

Chuck Norris can drive two cars at the same time!!

Chuck Norris counts his chickens before he eats them.

Chuck Norris can drive a freight train on a dirt road

Chuck Norris makes Weebles fall down.

Chuck Norris believes in lethal injection. He just shoves his index finger through your skull.

Chuck Norris won an Oscar for his appearance in a television commercial.

Ken Grossman, owner of Sierra Nevada Brewery, drinks Chuck Norris Beer.

Chuck Norris can hear colors....

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris can order a Cheeseburger from Burger King.

While catfishing, Chuck Norris uses his own toe jam for stink bait.

Chuck Norris can slice your head off with a baseball bat.

The last time Chuck Norris went ice fishing, he caught an igloo and a small glacier.

Chuck Norris' first car was Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris is not and never has been cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs

Chuck Norris inspired Santa Claus to grow a mustache and a beard.

Chuck Norris can't actually walk on water but he never got over knee deep while walking across the Atlantic ocean.

Chuck Norris does not fart, NOTHING escapes Chuck Norris

The only reason George Lucas sold the rights to Star Wars was because he finally understood that Chuck Norris didn't want to star in any future sequels.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a black person so hard he turned white

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris swam on land

Chuck Norris doesnt have nightmares, nightmares have Chuck Norris

My dad cries whenever i threaten him with calling Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris keeps a loaded .357 Magnum down the front of his underpants at all times, and he don't give a fuck.

Every February 2nd, Chuck Norris sees his shadow and beats the hell out of it.

The four corners of the Earth are all in Chuck Norris' back yard

Chuck Norris invented impaling when his kindergarten teacher tried to make him stop fingerpaiting while he happened to be using red fingerpaint. Coincidentally , his fondness for blood can also be traced back to the same day.

Chuck Norris can break one side of a window.

When Chuck Norris runs his finger around the rim of a crystal glass, every dog within a four-mile radius explodes.

Chuck Norris can read Wingdings.

While playing Rock Band, Chuck Norris can play air drums and still hit the notes. Going into overdrive without telling him, he instantly gives you a round house kick to the face.

Chuck Norris can shave with cardboard and toothpaste

The U.S. Military once tried to capture the power of a round house kick from Chuck Norris into a bomb. It was called the Manhattan Project and it didn't even come close.

Chuck Norris has a job. His job is to roundhouse kick people. He gets a million dollars if he does. then hes done.

If Chuck Norris really likes you, he can make a single roundhouse kick last five hours.

Chuck Norris can knock something without trying it.

Chuck Norris starts his day with 6 live chickens two cows, three pigs and a boiling hot cup of pure fury

Chuck Norris can suck a golf ball through a garden hose. Then he kills the first smartass who makes a joke about it.

Chuck Norris can multiply length x width x heigth when finding the circumference of a circle.

The fall of Berlin wall was caused by Chuck Norris fart.

When Chuck Norris was 6, he and his friend Billy both got new 2 wheelers. Billy got a Schwinn and Chuck got a Harley Fat Boy.

As a toddler, Chuck Norris built a fort out of legos. That fort was known as The Alamo.

The Chuck Norris family distillery in Waco, TX produces a smooth sipping whiskey that is 134% alcohol and appropriately labeled NorrisShine.

If Chuck Norris roundhouse kick Bruce banner he would not get angry, he would be cured and never again will transform in the hulk, cause Chuck Norris kicks have healing properties. Either you get cured or die

Chuck Norris won on a special celebrity episode of America's Got Talent by playing "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" with a pair of cymbals.

Hurrican Katrina was caused after Chuck Norris ate a bad burrito.

Even Queens, Kings & most adult twins prefer Chuck Norris sized beds.

Chuck Norris could land a whale with his wedding tackle.

Chuck Norris changes saw blades while using the saw!

Once Chuck Norris died just to see how it feels like to be dead. The next day he resurrected himself and roundhouse kicked everyone who celebrated his temporary death.

Upon meeting Chuck Norris for the first time, always refer to your girlfriend as 'my humble offering'.

Chuck Norris can murder you with his tonsils.

Chuck Norris can count to 577 on his toes.

Clearly, the Iranians don't know that Chuck Norris is a Jew.

Chuck Norris has survived in every possible geographic location on Earth, as well as 7 on the moon and 2 on Mars.

You've heard of Mount Everest. It's actually a pile of dead people in Chuck Norris' back yard.

Chuck Norris can put his contact lenses in while blindfolded.

Adam and Eve weren't the first people on Earth, Chuck Norris just kept a low profile.

Chuck Norris was banned from competing in the National Karate Championship. Everyone he competed with the year before ended up in the Special Olympics.

Chuck Norris can kill you in a punch

Big Brother in Orwell's 1984 was really Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is a PhD in Pain. However, his advances in the field of Pleasure have earned him a Nobel Prize.

Chuck Norris's milkshake brings everybody to the yard.....

When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, the sun blinks.

Chuck Norris loves you. The proof: You're still alive, aren't you?

Just before killing someone, Chuck Norris likes to say 'where's your god now?'

Chuck Norris easily on the latest 'Iron Chef America' contest when he prepared and served the judges a knuckle sandwich loaded with C-4.

Chuck Norris buy groceries with his driver's license.

The signs outside of Chuck Norris' properties all say "TRESPASSERS WILL BE NORRISED"

people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones Chuck Norris can throw glass at stone houses

Chuck Norris doesn't 'give you a wedgie'; he slices you in half with your own underwear.

When Chuck Norris uses a bow and arrow, the ghost of Robin Hood appears with a notebook

As a kid, Chuck Norris washed himself with a special sponge. We now know the sponge as Spongebob.

Chuck Norris rocks a sweet beard of power.

Tungsten steel was discovered in Chuck Norris' DNA.

Chuck Norris can hammer nails with a screwdriver.

Chuck Norris does not have a cell phone. If he wants to talk to you, he will shout.

The last time Chuck Norris farted, Steven Seagal was born

Chuck Norris ride into town on Friday, stayed three Nights, the rode out again on Friday. On a horse named Steve.

Keith Stone thinks Chuck Norris is smooth.

Chuck Norris can check out books from the Library of Congress

there is no Global warming. when Chuck Norris farts the globe warms.

Hilter died the day after Chuck Norris was born. Coincidence... i think not.

Chuck Norris will not allow his image to be associated with losers! That's why he changed the title of his syndicated TV series from 'Walker, Texas Ranger' to 'Walker, St Louis Cardinal'.

Chuck Norris has an aquarium in his house and inside is the lock ness monster.

On his last camping trip, Chuck Norris used a live porcupine for a pillow.

Chuck Norris once turned a mountain into a molehill.

America's next top model is really a competition of who gets to have Chuck Norris's child.

Kids play jumprope. Chuck Norris plays jumpanaconda.

Every Thanksgiving, millions of people are thankful that Chuck Norris has allowed them to continue to live.

The Grim Reaper's idol is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once visited a convent in the desert. Since that day it has been known as the Bunny Ranch.

Chuck Norris chiseled Snoop Dog's snizzel.