All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris fought the law. Guess who the fuck won.

We were created in Gods image, But God was created in Chuck Norris's image.

One day a man waves to Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris got mad and roundhouse kicked him in the face today we know him know as the elephant man.

World History is simply a chronicling of events that Chuck Norris has let happen.

Chuck Norris got a new pet for his birthday. So far, he has taught his Tasmanian Devil to fetch, roll over and sit.

Chuck Norris fart is a powerfull letal gas, no one lives.

Chuck Norris always knows what time it is. It's time for you to die.

Chuck Norris once lovingly rubbed his beard across the face of a dying little girl in an attempt to reviver her. He succeeded in reviving her but his beard erased her entire face.

Chuck Norris cannot predict the future; the future just better do what Chuck Norris says.

Steven Seagal once invited Chuck Norris over to his house and challenged him to a game billiards. Chuck Norris easily won by simply racking his balls for him.

Chuck Norris' dinner guests often throw up in their mouths, to savor his fine cooking all over again.

Chuck Norris got a blackjack with only one card

The Large Hadron Collider capable of destroying a planet, broke down after it collided with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris catches chopsticks with flies.

Chuck Norris won the Kentucky Derby by 15 lengths....riding a sawhorse.

The smell of Chuck Norris feet can scare a skunk.

Chuck Norris was never born; he just decided to exist.

Chuck Norris can climb waterfalls..

Humans start counting from 1. Computers start counting from 0. Chuck Norris starts counting from negative infinity.

Osama Bin Laden wasn't that good at hiding. Obama just had to pay Chuck Norris to go on holiday for one night

If you are next to Chuck Norris then you will always have perfect cell phone reception

Chuck Norris once broke a large anaconda's spine.

Knock knock. Whos there? Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris who? Chuck Norris is gonna roundhouse kick ya in the FACE

Chuck Norris is the real father of Katie Holmes' child. Don't believe me? Wait till she turns six and breaks Tom Cruise over her knee.

When Chuck Norris is asked the question "Ginger or Mary Ann?", he chuckles and replies, "Had 'em both!"

Chuck Norris once ate an entire wildebeest with a broken KFC spork.

Chuck Norris can literally kick a person's ass into next week. Their head will travel five days farther.

Elizabeth Taylor's last words were - "I only ever loved Chuck Norris".

Chuck Norris can make your blood bleed, tears cry, and your sweat sweat.

If Chuck Norris ever knocked Chumbawumba down, they certainly would get up again.

Chuck Norris drinks a gallon of oil every day to lubricate his nerves of steel.

When Chuck Norris was younger, he wore cowboy boots, had a red beard and could deliver a fatal roundhouse kick. Knowing this one could imply that Chuck Norris has always been awesome.

Chuck Norris was supposed the be the main character for the LOST series. He turned down the role because he didnt want to be the only one FOUND

Chuck Norris has two dollar signs tattooed on his sack.

Chuck Norris was the only kid at the beach who could actually catch the seagulls.

When Chuck Norris was young, his friends played dodge ball. Chuck always enjoyed a good game of dodge crowbars.

Chuck Norris can timetravel by riding on a donkey. Infact that's how donkeys were introduced to the human civilization in 7000 B.C.

Chuck Norris can smell your fear just by looking at you.

Chuck Norris an translate Japanese sign language into Russian Pig Latin.

The Grim Reaper looked at Chuck Norris and was pantsed and round house kicked in the balls, at the same time a new born child was named: Chuck Alfred Norris Tomas, and died instantly.

Chuck Norris accidentally took down the internet by closing his browser.

Giving Chuck Norris head is the leading cause of amnesia.

Before snapping your neck, Chuck Norris will tell you the best shampoo you should have used.

Chuck Norris invented the Touch of Death.

Chuck Norris doesn't snowboard the mountain just moves beneath Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was on American Gladiators and finished the whole show before the first commercial break.

the nuclear bomb was made when a small town barber in the fifty first state tried to cut Chuck Norris's beard. that is why there is only fifty states.

Chuck Norris uses a submarine periscope as a bong.

The marines need a few good men, so that Chuck Norris has someone to kill on the boat ride to do the mission solo.

Chuck Norris can change the battery in a 2003 Dodge intrepid.

Chuck Norris met God once, God said "my son you have sinned" to which Chuck replied "Impossible, God doesn't make mistakes"...

Chuck Norris does not find spicy foods hot. Spicy foods find Chuck Norris hot.

Chuck Norris eats "man bear pig" bacon for breakfast with al gore blood v8 juice

Chuck Norris' idea of being Bi-Polar is hitting someone twice with a wooden pole.

Chuck Norris invented smell-o-vision. But he only uses it to watch that scene in Basic Instinct.

Chuck Norris does not scream while riding rollercoasters, rollercoasters scream while being ridden by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris rules. There is no disagreeing because Chuck said.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Then Chuck Norris finished her off by running over her in his Hummer.

Chuck Norris likes cigarettes on his sandvich.

Chucky has a Chuck Norris doll

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Being afraid of water is aquaphobia, being afraid of spiders is arachnaphobia and being afraid of Chuck Norris is just common sence.

when the boogyman goes to sleep he checks his cupboard for Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris was never born. he roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers whom and proceded on kicking the rest of the doctors to.

As a teenager, Chuck Norris' first part-time job was flipping hamburgers at a local drive-in theater concession stand. His first three burgers landed yesterday. The drive-in closed 30 years ago.

There are soccer moms, and then there are Chuck Norris moms. And guess which one yours is.

Chuck Norris has a hemorrhoid the size of a bowling ball. He's been so busy kicking ass that hasn't even noticed it yet.

Chuck Norris can crush the atom with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris doesn't use stunt doubles, except for in the crying scenes.

Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds.

Vegas bookmakers change odds on sporting events based on which team or athlete Chuck Norris is betting on.

Chuck Norris hunts squirrels with a rocket launcher.

Chuck Norris. He doesn't like to fuck around.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Chuck Norris' blood type is DOA Fucking Negative.

Little known fact: True magnetic north is located in the center of Chuck Norris' stomach.

If Chuck Norris takes the high road and you take the low road, Chuck Norris will still be to Scotland before ye.

Welcome to Chucknorrism. The site of Chuck Norris facts. Make a fact or you'll piss off Chuck Norris.

"With great power comes a great beard!" - Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wubbzy says wow wow wow!

Chuck Norris don't elect presidents, he select them.

Chuck Norris' mother wears bowling ball earrings.

Chuck Norris has surpassed Jesus Christ in Internet search volume.

Chuck Norris can complete a perfect 'Triple Lindy' from the low board.

Chuck Norris was asked if he had heard of Pandora's Box? Chuck said "heard of it, I saw her box when I screwed Pandora".

Chuck Norris doesn't get flu shots because he nevers gets sick.

The fastest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris personally trained his pet canary for a daily early morning free flight excercise in the great outdoors. It usually returns for breakfast carrying a dead peregrine falcon in it's beak.

The Empire never found the droids they were looking for. Chuck Norris would have.

When Chuck Norris exercises the machine gets stronger.

ChatGPT sometimes hallucinates. The only thing it never gets wrong is that Chuck Norris can kill you.

Chuck Norris was surfing and had an unfortunate encounter with a Great White Shark. It was unfortunate for the shark, as Chuck punched its teeth out and gave it a wedgie with its dorsal fin.

Chuck Norris turned down the lead role in Shakespeare's Hamlet, citing foul language.

Chuck Norris doesn't follow trends, he sets them.

Spongebob is Chuck Norris' old lufa.

Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat cereal with a spoon.... He eats spoons with 1 rice krispie

On April 17, 1953, Mickey Mantle hit a home run that traveled about 565 feet. Chuck Norris matched that feat the next day. Chuck was 13 years old at the time.

the apple logo used to be a whole apple until Chuck Norris got hungry

Speed doesn't kill. Chuck Norris' foot does.