All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris can smell your fear just by looking at you.

Chuck Norris can translate Japanese sign language into Russian Pig Latin.

The Grim Reaper looked at Chuck Norris and was pantsed and round house kicked in the balls, at the same time a newborn child was named: Chuck Alfred Norris Tomas, and died instantly.

Chuck Norris accidentally took down the internet by closing his browser.

Giving Chuck Norris head is the leading cause of amnesia.

Before snapping your neck, Chuck Norris will tell you the best shampoo you should have used.

Chuck Norris invented the Touch of Death.

Chuck Norris doesn't snowboard the mountain just moves beneath Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was on American Gladiators and finished the whole show before the first commercial break.

The nuclear bomb was made when a small town barber in the fifty-first state tried to cut Chuck Norris's beard. That is why there is only fifty states.

Chuck Norris uses a submarine periscope as a bong.

The marines need a few good men, so that Chuck Norris has someone to kill on the boat ride to do the mission solo.

Chuck Norris can change the battery in a 2003 Dodge intrepid.

Chuck Norris met God once, God said "my son you have sinned" to which Chuck replied "Impossible, God doesn't make mistakes"...

Chuck Norris does not find spicy foods hot. Spicy foods find Chuck Norris hot.

Chuck Norris eats "man bear pig" bacon for breakfast with Al Gore blood v8 juice.

Chuck Norris' idea of being Bi-Polar is hitting someone twice with a wooden pole.

Chuck Norris invented smell-o-vision. But he only uses it to watch that scene in Basic Instinct.

Chuck Norris does not scream while riding rollercoasters, rollercoasters scream while being ridden by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris rules. There is no disagreeing because Chuck said.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Then Chuck Norris finished her off by running over her in his Hummer.

Chuck Norris likes cigarettes on his sandvich.

Chucky has a Chuck Norris doll.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it's to ask if everything is ok.

Being afraid of water is aquaphobia, being afraid of spiders is arachnaphobia and being afraid of Chuck Norris is just common sense.

When the boogyman goes to sleep he checks his cupboard for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was never born. He roundhouse kicked his way out of his mothers whom and proceeded on kicking the rest of the doctors to.

As a teenager, Chuck Norris' first part-time job was flipping hamburgers at a local drive-in theater concession stand. His first three burgers landed yesterday. The drive-in closed 30 years ago.

There are soccer moms, and then there are Chuck Norris moms. And guess which one yours is.

Chuck Norris has a hemorrhoid the size of a bowling ball. He's been so busy kicking ass that hasn't even noticed it yet.

Chuck Norris can crush the atom with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris doesn't use stunt doubles, except for in the crying scenes.

Chuck Norris does not procreate. He breeds.

Vegas bookmakers change odds on sporting events based on which team or athlete Chuck Norris is betting on.

Chuck Norris hunts squirrels with a rocket launcher.

Chuck Norris once broke the land speed record on a bicycle that was missing its chain and the back tire.

Little known fact: True magnetic north is located in the center of Chuck Norris' stomach.

If Chuck Norris takes the high road and you take the low road, Chuck Norris will still be to Scotland before ye.

Welcome to Chucknorrism. The site of Chuck Norris facts. Make a fact or you'll piss off Chuck Norris.

"With great power comes a great beard!" - Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Wubbzy says wow wow wow!

Chuck Norris doesn't elect presidents. He selects them.

Chuck Norris' mother wears bowling ball earrings.

Chuck Norris has surpassed Jesus Christ in Internet search volume.

Chuck Norris can complete a perfect 'Triple Lindy' from the low board.

Chuck Norris was asked if he had heard of Pandora's Box? Chuck said "heard of it, I saw her box when I screwed Pandora".

Chuck Norris doesn't get flu shots because he nevers gets sick.

The fastest way to a man's heart is Chuck Norris' fist.

Chuck Norris personally trained his pet canary for a daily early morning free flight exercise in the great outdoors. It usually returns for breakfast carrying a dead peregrine falcon in its beak.

The Empire never found the droids they were looking for. Chuck Norris would have.

When Chuck Norris exercises the machine gets stronger.

ChatGPT sometimes hallucinates. The only thing it never gets wrong is that Chuck Norris can kill you.

Chuck Norris was surfing and had an unfortunate encounter with a Great White Shark. It was unfortunate for the shark, as Chuck punched its teeth out and gave it a wedgie with its dorsal fin.

Chuck Norris turned down the lead role in Shakespeare's Hamlet, citing foul language.

Chuck Norris doesn't follow trends. He sets them.

SpongeBob is Chuck Norris' old lufa.

Chuck Norris can see in 3D with just one eye.

Chuck Norris doesn't eat cereal with a spoon.... He eats spoons with 1 rice krispie.

On April 17, 1953, Mickey Mantle hit a home run that traveled about 565 feet. Chuck Norris matched that feat the next day. Chuck was 13 years old at the time.

The apple logo used to be a whole apple until Chuck Norris got hungry.

Speed doesn't kill. Chuck Norris' foot does.

Chuck Norris got a standing ovation by simply walking into a paraplegic convention.

Donkey Kong is Chuck Norris' dog.

Chuck Norris can make a silk purse out of a sow's ear.

After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".

Chuck Norris went an hour without killing... just to kill some time.

Chuck Norris'name was once on the English dictionary, but it didn't manage to stay there for a long time because the people who read the definition of the word never survived.

Chuck Norris can drive two cars at the same time!!

Chuck Norris counts his chickens before he eats them.

Chuck Norris can drive a freight train on a dirt road.

Chuck Norris makes Weebles fall down.

Chuck Norris believes in lethal injection. He just shoves his index finger through your skull.

Chuck Norris won an Oscar for his appearance in a television commercial.

Ken Grossman, owner of Sierra Nevada Brewery, drinks Chuck Norris Beer.

Chuck Norris can hear colors....

There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

Chuck Norris can order a Cheeseburger from Burger King.

While catfishing, Chuck Norris uses his own toe jam for stink bait.

Chuck Norris can slice your head off with a baseball bat.

The last time Chuck Norris went ice fishing, he caught an igloo and a small glacier.

Chuck Norris' first car was Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

Chuck Norris is not and never has been cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Chuck Norris inspired Santa Claus to grow a mustache and a beard.

Chuck Norris can't actually walk on water but he never got over knee-deep while walking across the Atlantic Ocean.

Chuck Norris does not fart, NOTHING escapes Chuck Norris.

The only reason George Lucas sold the rights to Star Wars was because he finally understood that Chuck Norris didn't want to star in any future sequels.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a black person so hard he turned white.

Jesus walked on water. Chuck Norris swam on land.

Chuck Norris doesn't have nightmares, nightmares have Chuck Norris.

My dad cries whenever I threaten him with calling Chuck Norris.

Every February 2nd, Chuck Norris sees his shadow and beats the hell out of it.

The four corners of the Earth are all in Chuck Norris' backyard.

Chuck Norris invented impaling when his kindergarten teacher tried to make him stop fingerpaiting while he happened to be using red fingerpaint. Coincidentally, his fondness for blood can also be traced back to the same day.

Chuck Norris can break one side of a window.

When Chuck Norris runs his finger around the rim of a crystal glass, every dog within a four-mile radius explodes.

Chuck Norris can read Wingdings.

While playing Rock Band, Chuck Norris can play air drums and still hit the notes. Going into overdrive without telling him, he instantly gives you a round house kick to the face.

Chuck Norris can shave with cardboard and toothpaste.

The U.S. Military once tried to capture the power of a round house kick from Chuck Norris into a bomb. It was called the Manhattan Project and it didn't even come close.