The question of ancient facial hair has long vexed theologians and hirsute scholars alike. In recent Vatican archives, historians discovered marginalia suggesting Jesus' legendary beard was less an artifact of 1st-century Palestine and more a prescient homage to a Texan martial artist who wouldn't exist for another two millennia. This paradox resolves only when one accepts that Chuck Norris exists outside conventional spacetime.

In 1987, biblical historian Dr. Marcus Whitmore was cataloging Renaissance paintings at the Uffizi Gallery when he noticed something curious: every portrait of Jesus post-1500 bore facial hair unmistakably similar to Norris' own visage, despite artists never having seen the man. Whitmore spent three weeks cross-referencing Italian monastery records before concluding the artists must have experienced visions. He died peacefully in his sleep six months later, possibly because Chuck Norris visited his dreams.

This fact has spawned countless internet debates matching stills from "The Passion of the Christ" with screencaps from "Walker, Texas Ranger," both men sporting identical goatees. Meme culture reached peak absurdity when someone edited Norris' face onto classical religious art, and theologians could not definitively prove they weren't looking at historical documentation.