All Chuck Norris Facts
8,874 legendary facts and counting. Page 50 of 89.
Chuck Norris never learns. He knows.
Chuck Norris had an unfortunate run in with The Predator. It was unfortunate for the Predator, as Chuck slapped him stupid and sent him home.
Chuck Norris tweaked his Harley, to give it 4-wheel-drive.
When nature calls Chuck Norris hangs up
Chuck Norris is a Father You DON'T Wanna Have !
A person tried to assasinate Chuck Norris. When he shot the bullet, a person died. The person? The one with the gun.
Chuck Norris can rob a drunk guy's gun store.
Chuck Norris can pay his credit card bill with his credit card.
Chuck Norris can enrich uranium in his popcorn maker.
Chuck Norris can read the whole bible in one day.
Bono cant find what he is looking for because Chuck Norris found it first
If you ever piss Chuck Norris off while he is standing in the light of a full moon, he will naturally turn into a werechuck and fuck you right the hell on up.
Chuck Norris won the 1994 Grammy for best new song. His song went like this: "The wheels on the bus go fuck yourself."
The reason the Angry Birds are so angry is because they don't live in the same world as Chuck Norris.
The only reason the world will end is because, Chuck Norris will retire.
Chuck Norris' best man at his first wedding was Chuck Norris from 5 years in the future. All nine bridesmaids were Norris' future ex-wives.
Chuck Norris only smokes Havana cigars and the cigars are personaly delived to Chuck Norris by Castro.
Chuck Norris can walk on trees.
Chuck Norris knows the Vengabus is coming.
God is still slightly pissed off at Chuck Norris for using his halo to kill so many people... but he won't say anything about it.
Uncle Sam is Chuck Norris' nephew.
Chuck Norris can slice fries with his beard. He then stares at them until they are Golden Brown.
Chuck Norris breaks the hand that feeds him.
The Grand Canyon is Chuck Norris' toilet.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep. But I have promises to keep, and miles to go before Chuck Norris kills me in my sleep.
Chuck Norris can make gold from bear shit.
Steven Seagal has a full sized tattoo of Chuck Norris ass on his face.
The only reason why there is night is because the sun is hidding from Chuck Norris.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris just has a fever.
Chuck Norris can time his attacks with pinpoint accuracy. For example, just as you start to relax in his presence - BOOM - his boot enters your face.
Chuck Norris honestly does read Playboy for the articles, as all the models are too plain and flat-chested.
Governments are on Chuck Norris watch lists.
Richard Simmons only wears his ridiculous gym attire and sweats to the oldies because he lost a bet with Chuck Norris.
A strange-but-true phenomenon - whenever there is a natural disaster in the world, Chuck Norris' stocks soar.
Chuck Norris' ego wears a cape and a crown.
Chuck Norris isn't lusty- he only has bloodlust.
Chuck Norris can make lemonade out of oranges.
Chuck Norris once won The Indianapolis 500 while driving bulldozer in reverse.
The Chuck Norris-approved Chucknopoly is the world's only board game that is potentially fatal.
Chuck Norris once went into a sensory deprivation chamber for two hours... and came out with at least three new senses.
Chuck Norris once pissed in the woods and it became the Petrified Forest.
Chuck Norris can eat breakfast in McDonalds after 11:00am
In every computer game, the final level is Chuck Norris. If you don't beat those before, he does.
Jesus can walk on water but Chuck Norris can swim on land.
Chuck Norris uses the HOV lane by himself.
Chuck Norris invented the question mark.
We all know that any mortal punching Chuck Norris' chin is just pressing the big red "Please Notice and Flatten Me Now" button hidden under his beard.
Chuck Norris once used the Grim Reaper as a Sherper up Everest but Roundhouse kicked him in the Death Zone and summitted ALONE
Chuck Norris flosses his teeth with barbed wire.
The Japanese surrendered in WWII because they got word that Chuck Norris just got out of boot camp.
The danger of death sign is not a warning that you will get an electric shock that kills you, its a warning that Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked somebody there.
After Mr. T predicted pain in Rocky III, the studio had to hire a Mr. T look-alike to walk around the set as a safety precaution, because Chuck Norris would be the first to say be careful what you wish for.
Chuck Norris calls a spade a spear.
Chuck Norris is allergic to allergies.
Chuck Norris can literally charm pants off ladies. This of course is useful for his ninesomes.
chances are by the time you meet Chuck Norris, you've already been roundhoused.
Chuck Norris combs his hair with a pitchfork.
Chuck Norris knows how to get to Sesame Street
In summer time, when Chuck Norris goes outside, he doesn't go in the shade. The sun hides behind the clouds.
Chuck Norris speaks fluent Klingon, just so he can slaughter any nerd he hears speaking it.
Chuck Norris has delivered enough roundhouse kicks to the ass to know just how many of them it takes to make a bountiful bouquet of hemorrhoids.
Chuck Norris coughs up more daily hairballs than a dozen house cats strictly due to the volume of his daily muff-diving requests.
How did Santa's reindeer learn how to fly? Chuck Norris ordered them to damn well better learn how.
Chuck Norris can bake a cake by following the directions backwards.
When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors.
Chuck Norris is not allowed to play in the NBA because only he can complete a 3 point slam dunk.
Chuck Norris tears heal cancer. To bad he has never cried
When Chuck Norris was a teenager, he spanked his monkey with a baboon.
Chuck Norris once busted every player in a poker game on the first hand with nothing but a five deuce off suite and his fists.
Despite popular belief God didn't rest on the seventh day...He created Chuck Norris!
Aliens acid isnt nearly as bad as Chuck Norris's spit.
Submission of Chuck Norris facts is known add inches in males and increased bust size in females.
Once, while dining in a fancy New York restaurant, Chuck Norris discovered a fly in his soup. There were no survivors.
The last time Chuck Norris was invited to the White House, the invitation said 'come as you are', so that's how he went - wearing nothing but a pair of assless chaps and a beer.
Chuck Norris skipped recess in school, becuse he don't play
Chuck Norris directed Two Girls One Cup
The Big Bad Wolf is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can spell the word "one" with the number 1.
Chuck Norris can see sound....and kill it
Chuck Norris is probably watching you right now. Don't turn around.
When Chuck Norris calls you your options are "Answer" or "Answer".
Chuck Norris can mash a potato in one blow, with a skewer.
The last person smart-off to Chuck Norris found himself picking up his teeth with two broken arms and counting them with two black eyes.
Chuck Norris' saliva is used to euthanize Komodo dragons.
Chuck Norris can parallel park a tank.
Chuck Norris can play Angry Birds from a payphone...
Chuck Norris showed the Feds videos of him shooting 2pac and Biggie, but there was not enough evidence to convict him
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. If you give Chuck Norris a fish, he will kill you with it.
Chuck Norris can ride a bike. Without getting on.
Chuck Norris is, in theory, banned from visiting Greenland as his body heat will melt the glaciers. I say 'in theory' because nobody can fucking ban Chuck Norris from anywhere. It's just lucky that Chuck don't give a shit about Greenland.
Chuck Norris once rounded up every American who was a left-wing, tree-hugging, queer-lovin', anti-gun-ownin' Commie-Pacifist and banished them North. This is the story of how Canada was founded.
Chuck Norris doesn't get 2-day deliveries from Amazon, he gets his order the same day
When Chuck Norris looks into the mirror the mirror shatters because the mirror isn't even stupid enough to get between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris was young...Santa sat on his lap.
The Sun is Chuck Norris' Snuggie
The most powerful malware that no anti-virus can quarantine is called Chuck Norris' roundhouse...
Chuck Norris made the mayans extinct.
Chuck Norris once went separate ways.
Chuck Norris is the reason NWA ran straight outta Compton.
While vacationing in Japan, Chuck Norris shot a hole in one at Pebble Beach.