All Chuck Norris Facts
8,874 legendary facts and counting. Page 17 of 89.
Chuck Norris shot the sheriff AND the deputy.
Chuck Norris can beat you at a staring contest with his eyes closed
Chuck Norris' pager is still cool
Solid Snake has a beard because Chuck Norris bit his chin an it became a fist
Chuck Norris can us an abucus to solve differential calculus equations.
The rock band Queen wrote the song "We will rock you" about Chuck Norris fists.
Chuck Norris paints his house once a year with a human head.
You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make him eat Tequila jello shots.
Chuck Norris views the Ironman Triathlon as "a nice cool-down."
Another way to explain a Chuck Norris Round House Kick to the face is "de-materializing."
Chuck Norris endorsed Blue-Ray.
Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in the head, his foot will actually go through your skin, skull and brain, then reappear out the other side. This is not magic, this is power. And if you survive, that would be magic.
Chuck Norris is never surprised he is the surprise
Chuck Norris dosent need a cell phone if he talks you better listen.
Chuck Norris can pluck out individual Hydrogen and Oxygen atoms from a water molecule.
Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke. That truck Is now known as Optimus Prime.
Chuck Norris can play slide guitar with a beer bottle. Or, failing that, your face.
Chuck Norris can write Haiku poetry in Hexadecimal without need for Binary Interface tables.
Chuck Norris taught Prometheus how to wipe his ass.
When Chuck Norris first tapped Katie Holmes behind Tom Cruise's back, he immediately went to the nearest couch retailer and stomped the shit out of every one. Then he tapped Oprah.
One day a boy seen Chuck Norris do some amazing things. He seen Chuck Norris grow metal claws from his knuckles, Shoot webs from his wrist, Turn green and huge, And have the number 4 on his chest. That boys name is Stan Lee
For most people, anger is simply a state of mind... For Chuck Norris, it is state-of-the-art.
Israel has a top secret Chuck Norris option.
Chuck Norris has over 600 miles of black belts in his home.
The crew in Apollo 13 could have saved themselves a lot of trouble if they had used "Chuck Norris, please help us" instead of "Houston, we have a problem".
Chuck Norris once mistook your grandma with being a ninja. She is now 50 billion light years in space.
Chuck Norris can make a barbeque.Under water!
Superman's cape is made from Chuck Norris' chest hair.
Hercules is the strongest man in the world but he lost a game of mercy to Chuck Norris.
It can look like chicken, taste like chicken, and feel like chicken, but if Chuck Norris says it's beef...it's beef. NO QUESTIONS!!!
When Chuck Norris air-guitars, you can actually hear the real sound of a Gibson Les Paul coming from his air guitar.
Chuck Norris once took a crap on a crap table.. and won nine million dollars.
Chuck Norris interned for a glue company during his creche-school going days. During that course he invented the dark matter that holds the universe together.
Chuck Norris almost turned down a cameo in the movie 'dodgeball' on the grounds that he doesn't dodge balls.. He prefers them resting on his chin.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Upon meeting Chuck Norris, the first thing that strikes you is his sheer natural awesomeness - shortly before his boot strikes your face. Don't stare at Chuck.
The A-Team originally was to have only 1 member: Chuck Norris. But when NBC couldn't meet Chuck's salary demands, they had to replace him with the quartet of B.A., Face, Hannibal and Murdock.
Thank God Chuck Norris finally caught up with Joan Rivers.
Chuck Norris invented bifocals so people could get a good, clear close-up look of the fine detail of his snake skin boots a mere nanosecond prior to facial impact.
Chuck Norris only had one dime and rubbed it together.
Faces of Death is actually a biography of people that were given a choice other than a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.
Chuck Norris can understand Charlie Sheen.
Chuck Norris once stold a can of beer, pissed in it and sold it for a buck.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes life apologize.
Those who play chess with Chuck Norris don't "play" chess, they gamble with their lives.
What killed off the dinosaurs, go ask Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris killed the Earl of Sandwich and ate the fillets between two loaves of bread.
Chuck Norris once watched the video tape from the ring...........7 days later the ghost who crawls out of the well died.
Some people say that it is impossible go through through walls.... they have never met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
Chuck Norris has some gold, frankincense, and myrrh sitting on his mantelpiece, next to the three embalmed skulls of the so-called 'wise' men.
Google is named after the number of Kilograms Chuck Norris can benchpress.
People have often asked the United States, "What is your secret weapon against terrorists?" We simply reply, "Chuck Norris."
Chuck Norris Plus your mom equals you
The Terminator wears a Chuck Norris tee shirt. .
If you Google search Chuck Norris and misspell it, it dosen't say "did you mean..." instead it says "run while you still have the chance"
Chuck Norris can get into a pissing match with a flamethrower and win.
According to Chuck Norris, nothing is black or white except bird shit.
The reason Charlie Sheen is winning, is because Chuck Norris isn't playing.
Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires, but he really likes gigantic toasted marshmallows.
When Chuck Norris touches a cactus , he doesn't get prickled. The cactus gets Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris won American idol using only sign language.
Sticks and stones MAY break your bones, but with Chuck Norris it's a sure thing.
The 1951 UFO sighting was actually a man hole cover kicked by Chuck Norris.
In Soviet Russia, Chuck Norris is pretty much the same: inexpressibly awesome.
When Chuck Norris first laid eyes on you, you were already dead
Chuck Norris un-invented the Parabolic Hemorrhoid Disruptor which is why we have never heard of it before.
The Japanese surrendered in 1945 not because of the atomic bomb, but because they heard Chuck Norris was about to be unleashed upon them.
Attila the Hun soiled his pants when he heard that Chuck Norris was on sabbatical in the next village to be conquered.
Surely there are aliens in the universe, but guess why they don't come to earth? Chuck Norris does not allow them to.
Stephen Spielberg and George Lucas both witnessed Chuck Norris survive a nuclear explosion in an ice box.
Chuck Norris is who the lead singer of The Divynals thinks about when she touches herself.
Chuck Norris choked Kim Jong-Il to death with some spicy cabbage.
Elon Musk's Terafab will produce a terawatt of computing power per year. Chuck Norris produces that every time he cracks his knuckles.
Chuck Norris' scrotem smells like a potpourri sachet.
As a child, 6 year old Chuck Norris would walk 17 miles to the zoo on misty summer mornings just to suddenly wake-up a few silverback Mountain Gorillas in order to have something to play with.
When Chuck Norris sleeps, time stops.
Chuck Norris' childhood asthma allowed him to breathe underwater.
Chuck Norris is the reason why babies cry.
Chuck Norris' beard has a Twitter account, a Myspace page, and a bestselling biography by Mick Wall. A HBO miniseries is currently in the works.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in its chin. Its decendants are now known as giraffes.
Chuck Norris knows more about propaganda then Noam Chomsky.
Chuck Norris can mine obsidian with a wooden pickaxe. In Minecraft.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shit out oragami swans.
The fatalities in Mortal Kombat are just reenactments of Chuck Norris going ape shit durring a traffic jam.
Knock...Knock. "Who's there?" (Door crashes into room, building collapses, mushroom cloud) "Chuck Norris."
A bird in the hand is worth two in the tree. Chuck Norris is worth six hundred and sixty-six trillion dollars and the Budweiser brewery.
Chuck Norris shaves with a hunting knife. "Shaving" consists of cutting a new mouth-hole every morning. That's how tough his beard is.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
If Chuck Norris says to you "Truth or dare?", he's not playing the game...
Chuck Norris flosses with piano wire.
Kryptonite is actually a piece of Chuck Norris's nose booger
Great minds think alike, false. Great minds think like Chuck Norris!
Chuck Norris puts the G in G-spot.
No...Chuck Norris does not like Kumquats but he does like to Kum-in-quats.
Chuck Norris can ignore the call of nature for 36 hours, but he can never ignore the call of duty.
What happens when the unstoppable force meets the immovable object? This is a trick question, for there can never be two of Chuck Norris.
Tim Tebow prays to Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is sometimes looks so black, that when he jumps in a swimming pool it looks like an oil spill.
Pac-Man was based on Chuck Norris. They both eat souls.