All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris really wants to hurt Boy George.

Chuck Norris can deliver justice without violence, but it is less fun that way.

Like a good neighbor, Chuck Norris is there to roundhouse kick you in the face.

Reece is back, Chuck Norris spam!!!

Chuck Norris once held one nostril shut while blowing an incredible snot volley from the other nostril. This action caused an epiphany among toy manufacturers that directly lead to the invention of the Nerf Blaster.

Why did Bruce Lee dress up like Chuck Norris in Enter the Dragons? Because Bruce Lee was too scared to face Chunk Norris the lee is.

Have you ever wondered why Chuck Steaks are so tough. You guessed it. Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris threw a fit once. It took God six days and seven nights to fix the damage.

The secret to Five Hour Energy is that there is a drop of Chuck Norris sweat in every bottle.

Chuck Norris died 20 years ago but death jst hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.

Chuck Norris has no belly button. He was born with a black belt instead of an umbilical cord.

Whenever people are holding wooden boards, Chuck Norris breaks them in half. Then he breaks the boards.

Lothario was a real Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris predicted the Mayan Calendar.

Chuck Norris once wrestled Zeus to a draw.

Chuck Norris lives forever. When he was young, cave people used his beard hairs as tips for spears.

It can be either called 'the war against terrorism', or 'the war FOR Chuck Norrism'.

Chuck Norris can Fed-Ex a choking.

A girl asked Chuck Norris to shave his beard. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked her, and she grew taller and her hair grew shorter. That girl is now Justin Bieber.

Chuck Norris once dialed 911 and got a busy signal from his own phone.

Chuck Norris can score a hole in zero in golf.

The dinosaurs are extinct because 70 million years ago Chuck Norris farted.

The Chinese started learning American English so that they could praise Chuck Norris in English.

My grandfather has Chuck Norris' head mounted on his wall.

Bowser was once like any other Koopa- until Chuck Norris breathed on him.

Chuck Norris won master chef Australia by cooking 2-minute noodles.

Jedis in Star Wars don't use The Force... they use CHUCK NORRIS... with Chuck's Permission.

Chuck Norris has Internet connection on his classic black Bell telephone.

The wind howls because of Chuck Norris.

The AC/DC song "Thunderstruck" was inspired by Chuck Norris breaking wind.

The Big Comfy Couch was made for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris finally defeated Joan Rivers.

Chuck Norris has won many a contest merely by showing up.

Chuck Norris loves your mother.

Chuck Norris can eat a whole plate of fried rice in under 1 second... using a single chopstick.

When you die, Chuck Norris' life will flash before your eyes.

MMA fighters wet themselves when Chuck Norris enters the room.

"Smarty Had A Party" dinnerware was invented because Chuck Norris might show-up.

Chuck Norris participated in the Running of The Bulls but was banned from ever doing it again. All the bulls ran from Chuck and wouldn't come back.

Chuck Norris name is in the Webster's dictionary under roundhouse kick and above God.

Chuck Norris can sneeze your face off.

Chuck Norris was once court-martialed. He was immediately promoted to five-star admiral.

Chuck Norris's favorite word? CHORUS.

There are two types of people in the world: those who agree with Chuck Norris and those who are wrong.

Chuck Norris hides in plain sight.

Chuck Norris is the only man who has hit 5 home runs while playing in the Super Bowl.

If you fight against Chuck Norris, there is no retreat and no surrender. You're dead before you can do either.

When Chuck Norris is asleep the sheep count him.

Chuck Norris' beard also works part-time as his pubes.

King Canute failed when he tried to make the ocean waves obey him. Chuck Norris succeeded.

The skidmarks in Chuck Norris' underwear are actual tyre-tracks.

Chuck Norris is, and has always been where it's at.

Chuck Norris once abducted aliens.

Chuck Norris beer-bongs tequila.

If Chuck Norris and a Grizzly bear go after the same salmon, Chuck will be the one having smoked salmon for dinner.

Chuck Norris has a .50 BMG Derringer.

When a cop pulls Chuck Norris over for speeding, THE COP has to explain himself to Chuck Norris.

Mother Nature doesn't mess with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not forget his friends and loved ones birthdays. He decides when their birthdays are.

Chuck Norris doesn't chop trees in minecraft to get wood. The trees just fall every time he's near them.

God helps those who help themselves. Chuck Norris slaughters lazy assholes by the thousand.

Chuck Norris could find you. With his eyes closed.

Death is not the greatest loss in life Chuck Norris is if he died but Chuck Norris doesn't die for know one.

If Kobe Bryant can throw a basketball 20m and shoot, Chuck Norris can throw Kobe Bryant 30 m and score.

Chuck Norris' business cards simply say: 'Look at me.' You will then be staring down the barrel of a twelve-gauge.

Chuck Norris has a heart as black and cold as the most lifeless corners of outer space.

Optimus Prime owns a Chuck Norris action figure.

Chuck Norris' mom always looks forward to every Mother's Day. Her loving son always provides her favorite gift... an uppercut.

Grandma got run over by a reindeer. Then Chuck Norris mowed her down with his snowmobile and finished her off.

If you stare at the American flag for long enough, you will see a 3-D image of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris fails at jump roping.

Chuck Norris graduated from preschool, high school, and college before he was even born.

Just a little over 50 years ago, Chuck Norris once helped President Kennedy mount a horse when they went horseback riding in Texas. He didn't later help Jack off the horse.

A sign at the entrance to NorrisWorld: 'You need to be at least this tall (30 microns) to die from a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.'

Chuck Norris is the only guy in a nudist colony who can carry two cups of coffee and nine donuts.

Chuck Norris can draw a perfect circle with a ruler.

Chuck Norris once played a game of basketball with Walt Disney's head.

Chuck Norris once took his pants off in a Thanksgiving Day parade. All the horses wept. Male and female.

Chuck Norris uses wasabi as toothpaste.

Everyone knew the world was flat, but they especially didn't want sail around the world because they knew if they fell then Chuck Norris would roundhouse kick them.

Chuck Norris can build a plane out of MacGuyver.

The deer and the antelope roam only where Chuck Norris gives them permission to.

If you ask Chuck Norris to wear a seatbealt, he WILL belt you.

TV commercials advertise Gorilla Glue. Gorillas repair things with Chuck Norris Glue.

Chuck Norris can rap over 700 syllables a minute.

All e-mail from Chuck Norris is preceded by this warning: Open at your own risk. Enough said.

Chuck Norris will soon open his own fried chicken restaurant chain: RKC-- Roundhouse Kickin' Chicken.

Chuck Norris favorite pastime is scrapbooking.

Don't send Chuck Norris e-mail. If it annoys him he can round house kick you thru Cyber Space!

When Chuck Norris takes a crap this is what's called an earthquake.

When refueling his Hummer at the gas station Chuck Norris likes to smoke big fat cigars and stare at the attendant.

Once Chuck Norris forgot to cover his mouth before he sneezed, ever since the Moon has crates!

Chuck Norris is so old-school, he plays a coal-fired guitar.

The official title for the Academy Award for Best Actor is "Best Actor Not Named Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris CAN fool the Children Of The Revolution. Then roundhouse kick them in the face.

Chuck Norris was able to defeat Superman because his beard is made of pure kryptonite.

Google asked Chuck Norris where to search.

Chuck Norris made Tom Petty back down.

Chuck Norris' anniversary present for his wife was giving birth to the baby for her.

Chuck Norris' beard is like the facehugger from Alien.