All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris is so fast that he can use the Earth's rotation as a treadmill.

'Lizards use to be dinosaurs, until Chuck Norris kicked the height outta them'.

Chuck Norris didn't ask Jesus to forgive him for his sins he simply apologized for giving Jesus's dad so many dead customers.

In the dictionary, the word "redundant" has a picture of Chuck Norris wearing a bulletproof vest....

Chuck Norris is such a beast that when he punches you in the face you fight the urge not to thank him.

Chuck Norris killed you if you read this.

When Chuck Norris is in the mood for seafood... he enjoys fresh caught Kracken!!!!

Chuck Norris decided to sell his poop as a food product ... we know it now as wheaties.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to milk cows. They milk themselves because they were scared of Chuck Norris.

Once Chuck Norris stared down a skittle and it was so scared it pooped its pants and became an M&M. Now al they do is place a picture of Chuck Norris at the end of the Machine line and vualaa.. M&M's patented formula.

Chuck Norris was model once a time..his measurements was 90-60-90.but upon a time he found roundhousekick and gain lots of muscles.

The imitation to Chuck Norris fighting style is kung fu.

Chuck Norris bought a whole chicken and ate only its soul.

The Mayans predict that theend of the world will come when Chuck Norris dies on Dec. 23, 2012.

The Atlantic space shuttle exploded because it wasn't made of Chuck Norris beard.

The question be or not to be was made by Chuck Norris when he shashed Bruce Lee so much that he couldn't find anythink left from him.

Chuck Norris runs until the treadmill gets tired.

Coyote vs road runner is just a performance how fast can Chuck Norris bip-iping.

Chuck Norris does turn lights on. He turns dark off!

Why is Chuck Norris living with us and not in other galaxy? He likes fresh meat.

The end of the world will be when Chuck Norris will punch himself.

The referee was afraid to call a foul on Chuck Norris Because Chuck Norris can do worse than what he already did.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a guard dog a guard dog needs him.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his own hands.

When Chuck Norris go's on the tea cups at theme parks, he gives the cup whiplash.

Chuck Norris listens to his music in 4D.

Chuck Norris will find you and he will kill you gatlin.

When Chuck Norris bowls he does it over hand.

Chuck Norris beat the sun at a staring contest.

After Chuck Norris eats a large meal, he literally burns of the calories.

Chuck Norris had to stop setting his phone to vibrate. The earthquakes where killing people.

Chuck Norris has wings — on his balls ... of steel.

Chuck Norris can season his steaks with pepperspray.

People add inches to their biceps by using dumbbells; people add a foot to their bicep submitting Chuck Norris facts.

As I was climbing the stairway to heaven I saw Chuck Norris crapping on one of the steps.

Chuck Norris ones fought Chuck Norris. The world exploded the only person that survived was Chuck Norris no one kills Chuck Norris!!!

Chuck Norris invented roundhouse kicking season.

Chuck Norris can eat a lemon with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris played a game of ping-pong with the wall.... and won.

Chuck Norris can put a fruit pastel in his mouth without chewing it.

If someone where to shoot you Chuck Norris could come out of nowhere kill you 5 times and kill the guy who shoots for trying to take his kill before the bullets even left the barrel.

The more Chuck Norris facts you submit the better your chance of going to heaven.

As a kid Chuck Norris carried out over 11 successful scuicide bombing missions for the U.S. military... the most well known was his attack Hiroshima.

Why isn't Pisa straight up? I think it is Chuck Norris who....

The meteor in Russia was caused by Chuck Norris punching the asteroid.

Chuck Norris doesn't nead a gun he just neads a bullet and someone to make him angry.

Chuck Norris was originally cast in the hit film taken but he got his daughter back before the end of the opening scene.

When Chuck Norris was on the electric chair and was asked his last words he said "hit the switch and start praying".

A black mamba once bit Chuck Norris... and died.

The last person to survive a roundhouse kick by Chuck Norris was Michael Jackson. Then he turned white.

Chuck Norris won the world jump roping championships, and as a literal handicap, he did it in a wheelchair. Next year he plans to try it on crutches!

Chuck Norris eats steel and craps samurai swords, which he throws away because Chuck Norris don't need weapons for mass destruction.

Chuck Norris can ride a motor without the cycle.

The time was afraid to go by fast because it didn't wanna be ahead of Chuck Norris.

The first terminator was sent back to kill Chuck Norris. Obviously that didn't work out.

Georg bush was left-handed right findered Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris smashed microsofsts window.

Dylan Hallmark beat Chuck Norris up.

The police don't escort Chuck Norris Chuck Norris escorts the police.

Chuck Norris once ate a pound of crystal meth. It made him flinch.

They can only measure the speed of light because it is exactly half the speed of Chuck Norris' fists.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble you win... forever.

We pray for God. God prays for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once won American idle by riding a unicycle.

Jesus once walked on water. Chuck Norris once swam on land.

By reading this you have given Chuck Norris brief control over your mind.

A blind man once walked in to Chuck Norris. Chuck said do you know who I am I'm Chuck Norris. The mere mention of his name cured his blindness but sadly the first last and only thing he saw was a deadly round house kick to the face.

In soivet Russia Ian's (Smosh) pizza eats Ian and Anthony. SMOSHTIME WITH LUNCH Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can watch t.v... on a chalk board.

When Chuck Norris leaves a good first impression, 9 chances out of 10, it's usually the sole of his boot on their face.

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? Woodchucks are now extinct.

World War II happened because Chuck Norris took a nap.

There's: 1st degree burns 2nd degree burns 3rd degree burns and Chuck Norris degree burn other words dust.

When Chuck Norris asks for change for a penny, he always gets it.

Chuck Norris won an arm wrestling contest with both hands tied behind his back.

Chuck Norris can speak Russian in French... on his fiddle.

Chuck Norris can make pigs fly.

If you try to slap Chuck Norris he won't feel it.

What goes around comes around. What goes around Chuck Norris gets a roundhouse kick and never comes around.

Chuck Norris cut off his own legs then walked it off.

Chuck Norris once helped an old lady across the street. When a car did not stop, he roundhoused kicked it thus creating the first mini. When the old lady thanked him he roundhoused kicked her for good measure.

On Facebook Chuck Norris is friends with the whole world. Everyone likes his status!

A black hole ones attempted to suck in Chuck Norris but instead Chuck Norris sucked in the black hole.

Chuck Norris whas put on the cover of National Geographic as the leading cause of death in Africa.

Many people believe in God. God believes in Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris smelly breath is so strong that he can demolish a house just by breathing on it.

Chuck Norris can take the square root of a negative number on a calculator without an error sign appearing on the screen.

Chuck Norris does not kick doors in. They are backing away from him!

The only time Chuck Norris got scared is wen he looked at him self in the mirror.

Chuck Norris doesn't have to have a no solicating sign on his door. He just pee's around the door and salesmen know to leave as fast as they can or they will have 5 sec left to live.

Darwins theory of evolution ape animal caveman human Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can catch a train. I feel sorry for the person who has to throw it to him.

Davey Jones goes to Chuck Norris' locker.

Chuck Norris ate a brownie once.

When the grim reaper dies he sees Chuck Norris standing there telling him to" come into the light".

One day as a joke Chuck Norris peed in a truck, today we know that truck as optimums prime.

Don't sneak up on Chuck Norris while takin a piss.

Chuck Norris once entered a drinking contest and one by drink everything in 1 second.

A few years back, Chuck Norris went into the bissnuss of bottling, and selling his pis, we now know this product as redbull.

Chuck Norris' parents are named after him.