All Chuck Norris Facts

The fact is that giraffes weren't made from centuries of evolution. They just say that be chuck is powa. The fact is that giraffes were made when Chuck Norris upper cutted a horse.

You know how eyes are windows to the soul? Well if you have a staring contest with Chuck Norris he'll suck out your soul.

Out of sheer boredom, Chuck Norris once stabbed an elephant to death, with a toothpick!

If a black cat crosses your path, you have bad luck. If Chuck Norris crosses your path, it was nice knowing you.

Chuck Norris doesn't commit susicide, susicide commits him.

When Chuck Norris owns an Xbox 360 It never had the three rings of death because it's afraid of Chuck Norris.

I don't know why people treat Chuck Norris like he's a killer he has the heart of a child which isa bad thing.

Chuck Norris the reason why Jason Bourne can't remember his identity.

The fountain of youth is actually Chuck Norris' lavatory.

The high tide occurs when Chuck Norris flies over the beach. The rising water is where God pees his pants.

Chuck Norris can leave the door open at night cause no one messes with Chuck Norris.

People can glow in the dark.....Chuck Norris can glow in the light.

Chuck Norris can bring a bike to a monster truck show.

The popular videogame "DOOM" is loosely based around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Chuck Norris and forgot to pay him back.

Chuck Norris got the most kills in a battle ground without no pvp gear or weapon.

You'll never grasp the true form of Chuck Norris' attack.

When Chuck Norris lost his ring he made he commanded SADAKU to retrieve it.

Only you can prevent forest fires, only Chuck Norris can prevent roundhouse kicks..he just doesn't try.

Chuck Norris once finished a whole cake, before his friends told him there was a stripper in it.

The reason they found water on Mars is because Chuck Norris round house kicked it in the face.

Geico saved 15% by switching to Chuck Norris.

The 300 Spartans would have not stood a chance against the pesians if Chuck Norris had not let them use the "total gym".

Some said there is nothing to fear but fear itself. What he really meant was there is nothing to fear but Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris doesn't pay the rent, he evicts his owner.

Chuck Norris lit a cigarette with an ice cube.

Chuck Norris can hunt a bear with his beard tied behind his back.

Chuck Norris once dug a hole all the way to the moon.

Ghosts are scard of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can play Xbox Live on PS3.

Chuck Norris can take the square root of a negative number.

Chuck Norris eats testoster O's for breakfast every morning.

Chuck Norris once had diarrhea. He shat karate.

Chuck Norris doesn't need oxygen, oxygen needs Chuck Norris.

Stand 1 inch from Chuck Norris face-to-face, and he can still kick u in the top of the head!

As a child, Chuck Norris used to enjoy making shapes in sandboxes. We call them pyramids.

Stars wish upon a Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't get poisoned by a cobra. The cobra gets poisoned by Chuck Norris.

A king cobra once bit Chuck Norris... after 5 days of terrible pain... the snake died.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if the woodchuck was Chuck Norris... all of it... and them some.

Celibacy took a vow of Chuck Norris.

The concept of 0 was created after a battle against the Romans and the Greeks. The Romans had Chuck Norris on there side, so when the battle was over and they counted the dead there were no Greeks left, then the concept of 0 was born.

Chuck Norris can give water a bath.

When Chuck Norris sat for his HSC, he received a band 7 in al his subjects.

Here is a short list of things Chuck Norris can't do: Die.

The reason they couldn't find any oil after the gulf oil spill is because Chuck Norris wanted to prove to the world that he could mix oil and water.

Chuck Norris is so accurate he can shoot a bullet through the scope of a gun... the scope of the gun he just shot the bullet from.

Chuck Norris can play angry birds, listen to music and watch movies on a pay-phone... and all for free.

Davie crocket may have killed a bear when he was 3. But Chuck Norris killed a pack of velociraptor's when he was 1.

Chuck Norris once shot a chicken in the head, without a gun, and a bullet, and a chicken present!

Spellcheck once tried to correct Chuck Norris......he ate the monitor with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Chuck Norris wants to be remembered as a humanitarian... we best do what he wants.

God created Jesus toencourage peace when that didn't work he created Chuck Norris to enforce it.

Did you see the movie Godzilla he didn't come to scare newyork he came to get away from Chuck Norris.

At Chuck Norris's wedding the best man was the country of United States.

Chuck Norris can hack the U.S. national sucurity computer system using nothing but a piece of toilet paper and an M&M.

Southpark is Chuck Norris heavens.

Chuck Norris has a flying pony do you know how it flys, Chuck hit it.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can walk on lava.

Chuck Norris doesn't drink water he drinks sulfuric acid with a hint of lemon.

When Chuck Norris hunts any type of game bird, he doesn't need a shotgun. He prefers to throw handfuls of gravel instead.

Last Halloween Chuck Norris carved his pumpkin with an axe! The design? A picture of Chuck Norris carving a pumpkin with a freakin axe!

Chuck Norris does not buy snake proof boots, he puts on boots than they are snake proof.

Freddy fazbear and his friends don't scare Chuck Norris.....Chuck Norris beats up Freddy and his friends.

The day Chuck Norris jokes get old, the world will end.

Wen Bruce gets mad he turns into the hulk, wen hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris, wen Chuck Norris gets mad "RUN!!!!!!!"

Chuck Norris once squeezed a lemon, got kiwi juice, put the kiwi juice the oven and it would be the best damn cupcake you ever had.

A rhino once gored Chuck Norris and got a concussion.

How do you spell roundhouse kick? C-h-u-c-k- N-o-r-r-i-s.(ignore this I needa say Chuck Norris).

Chuck Norris went to Walmart once to buy a new laptop. They told him which was the best price. It was the $9.99 so Chuck roundhouse kicked them and said I never asked for the price.

Cats don't mess with Chuck Norris, coz they know dat 1 kick from him equals to 5 cat lifes and we all know Chuck Norris doesn't kick once.

In the DC Comics, the only known thing to break a panel's lines is the beard of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once entered a drinking contest and won by drink everything in 1 second.

The reason the Grudge crokes is because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it in the throat.

Chuck Norris once fought the toughest man in the world, promptly after the match the man enrolled in clown school and ended up working for a fast food chain.

God create the earth and all living things.... But Chuck Norris created God.

What happens between you and Chuck Norris stays between you and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris is driving traffic lights never turn red.

Annoying orange is just an example what consequence can Chuck Norris do with roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris created giraffes wen he uppercutted a horse.

1kubic meter of water is not 100kg heavy because Chuck Norris can always found Bruce Lee in it.

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, Water gets Chuck Norrised.

We don't live in an ever expanding universe like scientist's say. We just live in a universe that is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris round house kicked Hulk Hogan he turned into Britney Spears and got sent to the seventh dimension that is powerful.

Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Jason Voorhees piss him self.

There are 2 kinds of people, people who believe in Chuck Norris and the dead.

The Americans didn't nuke Japan. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris is 10 years older than his father.

It's not global warming, its Chuck Norris working out.

"I say don't worry about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright..." till you "rise this morning with Chuck Norris at your door step... sayin I'm gonna round house kick you!"

Chuck Norris once dug a hole... to the bottom of the ocean.

SpaceX spent billions making Starship reusable. Chuck Norris has been throwing himself into orbit and landing on his feet since 1962.

Chuck Norris is so cool the sun was sad.

As long as Chuck Norris lives in planet earth there will be no asteroid or aliens that would dare touch our planet. That's why he doesn't do asteroids, or alien invasion movies, because they won't have any sense.

The first thing Chuck Norris said wen he was born was ..... I hate Corey.

The situation didn't name himself, Chuck Norris roundhouses him and made him have a situation.

Chuck Norris doesn't play Russian rulet with a revolver... he plays with a .50cal desert eagle.

Chuck Norris can make ice cream... in a iron a smelter.

The original title of walking dead was zombie and human vs. Chuck Norris. The reason it ended was because it was 1 episode and 12 seconds long.

Chuck Norris can count to 10... backwards... Brain hurt? ...it's cool only Chuck Norris gets it.