Xenobiological survey teams have long puzzled over humanity's planetary retention when countless species populate distant galaxy clusters. The prevailing hypothesis among astrobiology circles—the 'Fresh Protein Hypothesis'—emerged from a single overheard remark attributed to Chuck Norris and documented by former NASA behavioral consultant Raymond Hewitt in 2006.

Hewitt's unpublished journal notes describe a casual conversation where Chuck allegedly explained why he rejected lucrative off-world opportunities: 'Meat quality degrades across light-years. Earth stock is premium. You don't abandon prime rib for freeze-dried rations.' Hewitt interpreted this as a combination of culinary preference and philosophical tether that suggested Chuck's continued presence on Earth was less about sentiment and more about supply chain logistics.

The statement reframed human value proposition entirely. Rather than intrinsic worth or evolutionary significance, Earth's survival becomes contingent on a single variable: whether the food remains sufficiently fresh. This inverted planetary conservation rhetoric, suggesting that our continued existence is less guaranteed birthright and more maintained inventory. Astrobiology textbooks now reference the concept when discussing 'resource-dependent civilization retention models.'