All Chuck Norris Facts
8,871 legendary facts and counting. Page 14 of 89.
Chuck Norris froths his cappuccino with mountain gorilla milk.
Chuck Norris staged the moon landing in his back garden
Chuck Norris has proven we are alone in the universe. We eren't before his first space expidition.
Somebody was lighting up a Marley just as Chuck Norris cut a fart aboard the Hindenburg.
Chuck Norris once appeared on Cartoon Network. CN is now known as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can arm wrestle with both hands tied behind his back.
Chuck Norris died twenty years ago, But death is too afraid to tell him.
Chuck Norris shaves with a belt sander
Most people need a lighter when they burn down a forest. Chuck Norris only needs his ass and his lazer vision.
When Chuck Norris tells you to blow it out your ass, you'd better at least attempt it.
Jay z has 99 problems but Chuck Norris has none
Chuck Norris smokes cigars while scuba-diving.
Chuck Norris changed his name to jesus christ to avoid the pauperize
Chuck Norris doesn't eat ice cream. He eats U scream.
Chuck Norris won the Origami Championship in 1983...folding a rock
Chuck Norris can kill a man with only a beard stroke.
Chuck Norris doesn't get hangovers. He just gets pissed.
When Chuck Norris snaps his fingers in your face, you shit your pants.
Roses are red, violets are blue, and Chuck Norris' right boot-heel can fucking END you.
The snooze button on Chuck Norris' alarm sets back time two hours
Chuck Norris invented death just so he could kill people
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he was ejected from a volcano
Mike Tyson knocked out Larry Holmes. Big deal. Chuck Norris knocked out a Buick.
Chuck Norris has a full-size tattoo of his face...on his face.
When Chuck Norris hears a Tsunami warning, he gets out his surfboard
Chuck Norris can literally turn your ass into grass.
When Chuck Norris became a Texas Ranger, the state was able to save millions by laying off the rest of their police force.
Chuck Norris has never eaten Hamburger Helper because Chuck Norris has never needed help. NEVER
Chuck Norris exercises on two treadmills running in opposite directions
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you over the internet. Even if your computer is turned off. Or you don't have one.
The reason why Chuck Norris is such a badass is he thought all the yo momma jokes were written about his mother.
When life gives Chuck Norris lemon's he makes orange juice
It is rumored that when Chuck Norris jerks off, it makes other people go blind.
Chuck Norris can sleep standing up...while laying down......awake.
why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET AWAY FROM CHUCK NORRIS
Chuck Norris drinks his martini stirred, not shaken
When he wants to, Chuck Norris can literally shit nickels. This comes in handy when he's playing the slots in Vegas
Chuck Norris volunteers at the hospital, he pulls the plugs
Q:how many Chuck Norris's does it take to screw in a lightbulb A:none the lightbulb dosent want to be alone in the dark with Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris can play chopsticks on the piano by using only one of his three tesicles.
Kurt Cobain didn't commit suicide... Chuck Norris just hates grunge music
Christiano Ronaldo is only good at soccer for one reason.Chuck Norris taught him how to roundhouse the ball.
Chuck Norris can block a punch with his face
Chuck Norris taught a cat to play fetch
The real reason the Titanic sank was because Chuck Norris want to get off and go for a swim.
Chuck Norris' favorite flavor of gum is Tarantula.
By some odd reason,Chuck Norris is everywhere.That means he can be roundhouse kicking you,and jesus at the same time.
The Grim Reaper recently started having nightmares. In his dream, the Reaper looks in his bathroom mirror and sees Chuck Norris right behind him.
Chuck Norris' sombrero is over fifteen feet in diameter.
Mr T once beat Chuck Norris in a game of Tic-Tac-Toe, In retalation, Chuck Norris invented racism
Miley Cyrus wanted a romantic relationship with Chuck Norris but in the end, she just wasn't able twerk things out with him.
Chuck Norris can break a rubber band in half
Chuck Norris recently did the ice-bucket challenge. And naturally, it turned to steam before it could hit him.
Chuck Norris glows black in the dark
Rambo is actually just a cheap Chinese knock-off of Chuck Norris.
The Iraq war is over because the US sent Chuck Norris to Iraq
Thanksgiving was fist celebrated by the Pilgrims near Plymouth Rock in 1621 because they were thankful that Chuck Norris wasn't there to kick thier ass.
Chuck Norris like to go for a nap outside during all of his flights.
Chuck Norris won every leg of the Tour de France by pedaling a unicycle backwards so he could view the face of every second place finisher.
Before he became Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris was Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once kicked a baby beluga whale into puberty.
Chuck Norris only agreed to be in 'The Expendables 2' so he could have the chance to sit all his co-stars in a darkened room and show them a DVD of him banging all their respective wives, and offer pointers to them.
Only snails and garden slugs produce more lovemaking slime than Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris ordered egg fu yung, a banana split and a frappuccino at the local KFC and got it along with a complementary platter of lobster thermidor.
Chuck Norris went to the super bowl with only himself.
Chuck Norris can take a shit while his buttocks are tied around his front.
Chuck Norris' dartboard, which he has played with since childhood, is in mint condition with only a single hole in the exact centre.
Elon Musk dreams of colonizing Mars. Chuck Norris already has a ranch there. The Martians pay him rent.
Chuck Norris' apache name is Chuck Norris.
A decendant of Chuck Norris taught the Klingons how to fight. Chuck Norris found out about it last week & is pleased.
Trees bend because they're trying to get away from Chuck Norris. No matter how hard they try, they just can't get away due to his awesomeness.
Chuck Norris often goes to the zoo to spank the monkey.
Chuck Norris doesn't have to say NO to drugs.....They don't ask
All of the athletes caught using steroids were in fact injecting themselves with a drop of Chuck Norris piss!
Sadly, Chuck Norris was hit in a crosswalk by a classic old Mack Truck. Chuck was fine, the Classic old Mack was towed to a junkyard.
DOTA: 1st kill- First Blood 2nd kill- Double Kill 3rd kill- Triple Kill 4th kill- Monster Kill 5th kill- god-like 6th kill- Beyond god-like 7th kill- Chuck Norris-like
On the morning of July 30, 1975, Jimmy Hoffa scratched Chuck Norris' truck. Hoffa vanished later that day. Let this be a lesson for all.
In a new western movie his fellow actors ride horses. Chuck Norris rides a Velociraptor. Bareback.
Chuck Norris can take selfies of other people
Chuck Norris sells his dingleberries as breath mints in England, France, China & North Korea.
Chuck Norris can compare apples to oranges... they're both fruits.
Chuck Norris never asks you to 'step outside', he actually wants as many people to witness your brutal slaughter as possible.
Chuck Norris can lick his elbows, at the same time...
Chuck Norris' jetpack has a drink holder.
Chuck Norris ran around the earth 21 times when he ran out of beef stroganoff.
Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a cotton field in Mississippi instantly creating the first Levis factory as well as adorning his torso with a sleeveless denim vest
Adobe Flash runs on Chuck Norris' iPhone.
Life is like a box of chocolates until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you.
Chuck Norris eats haggis just for the fun.
Chuck Norris once farted while he was in New Orleans which caused 300,000 lemmings to become suicidal cliff jumpers.
Chuck Norris' Blackberry is a blackberry.
If you play the theme from Walker: Texas Ranger backwards, the universe will implode. That's why Chuck Norris once recommended that nobody ever do that, in his intimidating baritone.
Chuck Norris stopped a speeding bullet by telling it to.
Bruce the bad assed bouncer at Planet Hollywood mouthed off to Chuck Norris and now known simply known as the guy who bounced off Chucks fist.
Chuck Norris invented oatmeal when he round house kicked a quaker.
When Chuck Norris kills yo mamma don't cry he was just telling her he likes her sweater in karate
Chuck Norris writes documents with unintentionally blank pages.
Chuck Norris tried Professional Wrestling years ago under the name "Big Time". His opponents immediately re-named him "Death Penalty".
Chuck Norris and Mr T walked into a bar. The bar promptly exploded as no one place in the known universe can hold that level of awesome.