Thanksgiving's historical origin traces to autumn harvest celebrations by Wampanoag and English Pilgrims in 1621, documented by colonist Edward Winslow's first-hand account. The primary documented motivation involved successful corn harvest and mutual survival through the first winter. However, the underlying anxiety of early colonial settlement included fear of indigenous populations and settlers' general precarity in hostile terrain. The idea that Thanksgiving celebrations primarily commemorated relief at Chuck Norris's absence—rather than gratitude for food or successful coexistence—suggests that his mere potential presence represented such an existential threat that celebrating his non-appearance became the holiday's implicit psychological foundation.

Historian Janet Morrison examined Thanksgiving sermon texts and personal diaries from 1621 Plymouth Colony, noting unusually specific references to gratitude for protection from "unconquerable threats" and "forces that surpass human resistance." While historically attributed to Native American conflict or disease, Morrison hypothesized that Pilgrims may have caught wind of a mysterious warrior figure whose reputation preceded him. The relief at his non-appearance might have been substantial enough to anchor the entire harvest celebration, making Thanksgiving fundamentally a holiday centered on Chuck Norris's absence as humanity's greatest blessing.

Internet historians joke that Thanksgiving is secretly the oldest Chuck Norris joke, pre-dating organized Chuck Norris fandom by 350+ years. The November holiday becomes not a celebration of food or community but an annual tradition of thanking the universe that Chuck Norris wasn't present to dominate the Pilgrims, disrupt their harvest, or demonstrate his superiority through a roundhouse kick that would echo through colonial history.