All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris taught Jesus how to grow a beard.

AI can now write code faster than most programmers. Chuck Norris writes code by typing 'work' into an empty file. It compiles out of respect.

Chuck Norris loves playing soccer - with the grim reaper.

Chuck Norris can remove graffiti from the side of a building through micturition.

Chuck Norris' mom can kick your ass.

Chuck Norris and Sasquatch are maternal cousins.

Area 51 is where Chuck Norris stores his lawn mower.

Chuck Norris is so fast that the GPS speaks to him in the past tense.

Chuck Norris bed sheets are made of sheet metal.

The Dos Equis man is actually a fictional representation of Chuck Norris' feminine side.

Lactose is Chuck Norris intolerant.

When Chuck Norris plays Charades, his contestants go deaf

There was never anything wrong with Achilles' heel until he got mad and decided to kick Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris made Ferris work on his day off.

Chuck Norris puts the hard in hard-on.

Chuck Norris once won American Idol using sign language..

Little-known fact: Chuck Norris is simply normal, and everybody else is super weak.

I dared to look Chuck Norris in the eye - now I don't have a soul.

Anything Chuck Norris types on Microsoft Word is automatically approved by the spell checker.

Titanic did'nt sink because of an iceberg, it hit Chuck Norris on his morning swim...

Chuck Norris can shatter a table by staring at it. he can also do this to fetuses, houses, and human skulls.

Chuck Norris walks into a bar and asks for a glass of water. The bartender asks if he wants anything else and Chuck says, "No, the water is for you, I'm having whats left in the bar".

Chuck Norris knows what you did last summer.

Chuck Norris can save 15% or more on car insurance WITHOUT switching to Geico... or even buying car insurance.

Chuck Norris invented Hip Hop so that he could hate on Hip Hop artists and roundhouse kick them for his personal entertainment while watching Walker Texas Ranger on TV.

if you think the super hero's are good like superman Chuck Norris is all of them

When Chuck Norris has nasal congestion, his dried snot is so rigid that it requires a duech bag infusion rather than a nose drops remedy.

It's true that you're entitled to your opinion. But ignore Chuck Norris' opinion at your own peril.

Chuck Norris can pilot Evangelion Units 00-02 similtaneously.

Chuck Norris knew you before you were born!

Chuck Norris has personally hunted down and stuffed a yeti, sasquatch, Bigfoot and a wookie.

Chuck Norris first toy was a pistol a real pistol he had it since he was 3 yrs old.

Every year on February 2, Chuck Norris eats a live groundhog, predicts the weather around his mansion for the entire year with 100% accuracy, then bangs Bill Murray's daughter.

Chuck Norris can make sea creatures drown.

If you put a thousand monkeys in a room with a thousand typewriters for a thousand years, Chuck Norris will beat the ever-loving SHIT outta you.

Chuck Norris's Seasonal catchy musical number... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas... We kick you a Merry Chuckmas and a Chuckie New Year.

Testosterone takes Chuck Norris supplements

do you know why Pluto is no longer a planet? Because Chuck Norris says so

When Chuck Norris was little, his parents got him a playground. As he got older he got rid of it...it is now used to film Survivor.

Chuck Norris once started a fire with only what was around him. He was on an iceberg.

Mamalian urine contains uric acid. Chuck Norris' urine contains nitric acid.

The worst thing you can see on this planet is your own reflection in Chuck Norris eyes; it will also be the last thing you see.

Before pissing off Chuck Norris, Elmer Fudd was previously known as Jesse Ventura.

Chuck Norris did not look at Tupac or Biggie. He merely looked at them!

There are not enough light bulbs to change Chuck Norris.

Cleanliness is next to godliness... and of course, godliness is nowhere near Chuck Norris-ness.

The 'Chuck Norris Defense' always holds up in court. Always.

Chuck Norris thinks that concepts such as health and safety are for little pansy men with hairless faces who wince when they drink whiskey.

According to the Mayan civilization, the world will end in the year of 2012... They believe this to be true because they fear Chuck Norris is harnesting power for a final Round House Kick in that year

Chuck Norris can SEE invisible tape

Chuck Norris is so much trained in military tacticts 'that' once he killed an terrorist in afghanistan through bluetooth

Silly rabbit! Trix are for Chuck Norris!

Louisville Slugger makes professional baseball bats from kiln dried Chuck Norris turds.

When Chuck Norris goes ten-pin bowling, he simply throws the ball straight at the pins, shattering them. He hasn't achieved a perfect game yet, as the building usually collapses before then.

Superman has x-ray vision but can't see through lead walls. Chuck Norris can't see through lead walls either, but he can see over & around lead walls because he has periscope vision.

Chuck Norris always beats the meat when he goes to a restaurant.

Chuck Norris can burn a hole thru 2 steel plates with a single blink of an eye... with a constant stare he can patch the hole back up.

Kids wear Super Man pajamas, but Super Man wears Chuck Norris pajamas

A Chuck Norris sneeze packs enough power and steam to launch a fully loaded F/A-18 of the deck of an aircraft carrier.

when Chuck Norris do his high frequency voise all the whales in the sea became deaf

Chuck Norris ate a moose before he killed it.

Navy Seals use Chuck Norris' dingle berries to make cluster bombs.

Chuck Norris is the pricipal of the School Of Hard Knocks. Or as it's officially called, The Charles Norris Xavior's School For Gifted Bastard Offspring Of Lord Norris. It is responsible for all human death in the world.

Chuck Norris beat Pac-Man without doing anthing.He roundhouse kicked all of the ghosts until they had a pool of blood all over the screen and Chuck Norris commented "NOTHING STANDS CHUCK NORRIS'S FUCKING WAY!" That qualifies as doing nothing

Chuck Norris' copy of IE6 can render transparent PNGs correctly.

Chuck Norris made Stephen Hawking run for his life.

President Teddy Roosevelt once said, "Walk softly and carry a big stick." Chuck Norris once said, "Walk prickly and carry a big soft."

Chuck Norris enjoys big game deep sea fishing. He generally uses a live moose for bait.

Every morning, Chuck Norris gets up and splashes boiling oil in his face to wake him up.

Chuck Norris is a better agent than perry the platypus, And all other agents.

Chuck Norris really doesn't need the Total Gym to stay in shape and score with women. That just happens naturally.

Chuck Norris can draw cash from ATMs using UNO cards.

Big Foot takes plaster molds of Chuck Norris' footprints

Chuck Norris recently shot a 59 for a round of golf using a hockey stick and a super ball.

Chuck Norris once created his own website, but it was soon removed because people never managed to get out of the website alive.

Only Chuck Norris can make a NERF battle turn deadly.

Chuck Norris can start a fire by rubbing 2 ice cubes together !!

Light travels at 186,000 miles per second to run away from Chuck Norris.

For every foot that comes well packed with force, fear, pain and suffering, that foot is connected to a leg and that leg, with muscles like steel, is bound forever strong to a creature known as Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once scolded his wife for putting a bag of carrots in the beer crisper.

Chuck Norris doesn't get an arrow to the knee; the arrow gets Chuck Norris in ITS knee

The historical earthquakes in Japan were caused by Chuck Norris digging up what we know as the Mariana Trench.

Few people are aware that the entire lead-in of the Iron Butterfly hit "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" was actually recorded solely by Chuck Norris playing a piccolo.

Chuck Norris won a Pulitzer for his "Karate for Dummies" booklet.

After he came home from his trip to Canada, Chuck Norris drove his Humvee around his neighborhood for five months before anybody had the nerve to tell him he had a moose still strapped to the hood.

When Chuck Norris does ab crunches, his abs actually crunch.

Kyle Reese said the Terminator was unstoppable. He should have seen Chuck Norris before saying that.

You need the perfect prompt to get good answers from ChatGPT. Chuck Norris just raises an eyebrow and the answer appears.

Please find below a complete listing of gifts that could be found under your tree on Christmas morning that might possibly be something that Chuck Norris can not kill you with:

Chuck Norris can make a snake hop.

Scientists claim to have created a fourth state of matter. Chuck Norris has already created ten others.

When you're in Texas don't look behind you, all you will see is Chuck Norris' boot impaling your face followed by a bright light.

Colnel Sanders actually died by eleven of Chuck Norris' kicks and punches.

Chuck Norris divorced his wife because he caught her littering.

Chuck Norris has a truck.That truck know is known as Optimus Prime.

Chuck Norris was scuba diving when he came face to face with a menacing Great White Shark. Chuck gave the shark a bloody nose and leisurely continued his dive.

Chuck Norris can ride a wheely on a unicycle. Chuck Norris can do a hand stand on his feet.

Chuck Norris once fought superman. that is why you only see superman in a wheel chair.

Chuck Norris Sleeps On The Cieling

When in front of Morpheus Chuck Norris doesn't choose between the red or the blue pill. He takes them both.