All Chuck Norris Facts
8,874 legendary facts and counting. Page 37 of 89.
Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.
Stephen Hawking doesn't really have Lou Gehrig's Disease. He's been confined to his chair after angering Chuck Norris.
Leaving a criminal in the same room as Chuck Norris is considered cruel and unusual punishment.
When Chuck Norris walks through dark alleys, muggers give Chuck THEIR wallets.
Confucius say, wise man not stand infront of Brahma Bull; not stand behind mule; not stand infront, behind, or beside Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't give a fuck if the glass is half empty or half full. He's still gonna round house kick you in the face.
Chuck Norris puts the "punch" in punch-line.
Chuck Norris Knighted The Queen
Paparazzi stay the FUCK away from Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris' favorite yoghurt flavor is beef jerky.
Chuck Norris can get out of a Chinese finger trap without any help....
The only thing that can harm Superman is "Green Kryptonite" which quite interestingly is the scientific name given to Chuck Norris' boogers.
Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever he wants.
Chuck Norris' toilet is actually Henry VIII's throne with a shotgun hole in the seat.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick a window pane with such infinite presicion that only one side of it breaks.
Chuck Norris can alphebetize his M&M's. Skittles too.
Once, while experiencing an episode of ironic humor, Chuck Norris drowned an elephant in a vat of peanut oil.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting, as hunting implies the chance of failure -- Chuck Norris goes killing.
Texas Tea - Chuck Norris sweat
As a child, Chuck Norris asked for and received a car full of clowns for his birthday parties every year. Without fail, he would beat the shit out of each and every one.
Aeroplanes can fly faster than their sound. Chuck Norris can run faster than his legs.
Chuck Norris can blow up a balloon with both of his lips tied behind his back.
Chuck Norris doesn't use a phone to communicate his messages to a distant person, he just shouts it over.
Once while harpooning whales in Alaska, Chuck Norris lit a fart. This action is what caused the aurora borealis and solar flares.
Women are magnetically drawn to Chuck Norris' wang. It's actually caused a number of horrible injuries.
Chuck Norris was once caught without a ticket on the train. The inspector was fined $110.
Chuck Norris' tear cure cancer. Unfortunately he never cries. Ever!
Chuck Norris once ace the test, just by staring at the numbers.
Chuck Norris does not party on Fridays. He parties EVERY HOUR! Infact he is partying right now.
Chuck Norris fought Muhammed Ali back in the 70s and won by knock out.The fight lasted the whole duration of them touching gloves.
In the beginning God created the Universe.. but who created God? - It was Chuck Norris!
On every continent of the world, there is a sandwich named after Chuck Norris. On the North American continent it's the Knuckle Sandwich.
Chuck Norris recently added a tweet on facebook
Lego was invented when a Chuck Norris action figure smashed all the other toys to pieces.
The atomic bomb is actually made of a contained Chuck Norris fart.
Even as a kid he's not afraid of the Dark, Dark is afraid of CHUCK NORRIS.
Chuck Norris once punched Warren Buffett in the face for refusing to sing the song "Cheeseburger in Paradise".
If Chuck Norris were a PC or Mac he'd be a Mac because you can't play games with Chuck Norris
Ricky Bobby said, "If your not first your last." Chuck Norris said, "If your not Chuck Norris, You're dead.
Chuck Norris has a life size tattoo of his face on his face. Rush Limbaugh has a life size tattoo of Chuck Norris' ass on his face.
That is not a normal tatoo of a screaming eagle on Chuck Norris' back! It is in fact, self applied body art that he created with an Acetylene welding torch and Napalm.
Ice has Chuck Norris running through its veins
Chuck Norris skis up the Matterhorn and Mt. Everest.
Chuck Norris is made of 94% perspiration, 4% electricity and 2% butterscotch ripple.
Chuck Norris once traveled with the Ringling Bros and Barnum & Bailey Circus as the flaming chainsaw swallower.
Chuck Norris can yawn with his eyes open
Chuck Norris can make water cry.
Chuck Norris splits firewood with his shlong.
Chuck Norris can cut Granite, with a butter knife.
Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the world
The original title for Alien vs Predator used to be called Alien vs Chuck Norris. But no one wanted to pay $7.50 for a 10 second movie
Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked the acting ability out of Vin Diesel.
Chuck Norris cant't commit suicide because not even Chuck Norris can kill Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris built the house he was born in.
Chuck Norris once used a pool cue to hit a baseball out of Dodger Stadium. The ball was last seen flying over Iceland.
The A-Team is for people who cant afford Chuck Norris
Philosophers debate whether AI can ever be truly conscious. AI debates whether Chuck Norris can ever be truly stopped.
The closest Chuck Norris has come to getting his ass kicked was when he gave himself a dirty look in the mirror.
People who enjoy being green are known as "tree huggers". People who enjoy living are known as Chuck Norris huggers.
When Chuck Norris plays taekwondo, he beats the referee.
Chuck Norris puts the "hurt" in yoghurt.
Steve Jobs gave a free iPad to Chuck Norris as a token of goodwill. Chuck Norris instantly rammed the device up Jobs' anus for insulting his unquestionable masculinity.
Chuck Norris once won a game of croquet while holding an enraged gorilla in a half-nelson.
Chuck Norris paid a dime for a 50 cent candy bar and got $3.75 back in change.
Like President Obama Chuck Norris also recieved the Nobel peace prize for doing nothing, but in Chucks case millions of lives were saved..
Chuck Norris invented the hoverboard. But he only uses it as a coffee table.
Chuck Norris can drive a cfiff over a car.
Chuck Norris once fell in love - and broke it!
Chuck Norris doesn't go to the cinema the cinema comes to him
The leaning tower of Pisa used to stand up straight. That is..... until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it.
Chuck Norris can play with fire without getting burned.
Chuck Norris catches up on his paperwork while skydiving.
When you are in a dire situation, just think to yourself "What would Chuck Norris do?" Needless to say, you then give up, because you cant do what Chuck Norris does.
El Nino used to be called Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris knew Palpatine was a Sith Lord all along.
Chuck Norris can do a guitar solo on drums.
Chuck Norris usually has broken all ten commandments before his morning steak and whiskey.
Chuck Norris has the heart of a lion. He keeps it in a shoebox under his bed.
How come there are no pictures of Chuck Norris and Santa Claus together because Chuck Norris is f**king real.
A lot of people like to slam Tequila shots. Chuck Norris enjoys slamming people who enjoy slamming Tequila shots.
Once King leoniduos and his 300 retreated when Chuck Norris came to battle.
when Chuck Norris plays the Wii he uses the t.v remote.
Chuck Norris once sawed a man in half..... With his beard.
"Everybody Hates Chris" was originally called "Chuck Norris Hates Chris" but Chris Rock didn't want to make a series just about how he survive Chuck Norris round house kicking him EVERYDAY
The last words Johnny Cash ever heard - "I'm Chuck Norris".
Chuck Norris' picture is on the Billion dollar bill.
Chuck Norris greets everyone by hoisting them over his head.
Christie Brinkley once swam through the Waco, TX sewer system just to see Chuck Norris' ass.
Chuck Norris can rob a bank with just his vocal cords.
Who'd win in a wrestling match, Chuck Norris or God? Trick question, Chuck Norris is God.
Chuck Norris murdered Elvis Presley after he refused to play a concert in Norris' living room.
Chuck Norris was once drafted to the Boston Red Sox, but was released because he insisted on using the umpire as a bat.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just too scared to move.
Elon Musk is the richest man in the world. Chuck Norris lets him think that.
Chuck Norris was once in a catch 22... and then he wasn't.
Chuck Norris once beat someone to death with water.
Every record in the Guiness Book of World Records was set by Chuck Norris under an assumed name
Chuck Norris throws massive Roman orgies for Lent.
Chuck Norris killed Zeus in a poker game with a roundhouse kick to the face because Zeus was a sore loser and didn't want to give up his lightning.
If any one of Chuck Norris' sextapes was ever released publicly, it would win the Best Picture Oscar