🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris doesn't eat limes. He eats limestone.

Chuck Norris plays badminton using a manhole cover for a racket and a dead ostrich as a birdie.

Chuck Norris stared at a carton of Orange Juice because it said concentrate. The carton exploded 5 minutes later.

People say it's better to lucky than good. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in luck. He's good at everything.

When Chuck Norris destroys a pub in Britain, everybody there says that 'he caused a right royal Chuckus'.

Have you ever heard of the time when Chuck Norris lost a fight.........that's right.........no you haven't

Iron Maiden was Iron Man before Chuck Norris got a hold of them!

God created the world in 7 days, Chuck Norris created the rest of the universe in one.

Chuck Norris holds a 14th degree black and red chain belt in Tibetan Throat Warbling under the Bedouin monks of the Al Maghreb mountains.

Chuck Norris once had a horse throat so he went to his personal physician. They both thought it tasted like shrimp scampi.

If you stare at a picture of Chuck Norris long enough, your jaw will start hurting.

Chuck Norris doesn't start his alphabet with an A. Instead he starts it with a Z, and ends with CN.

Jackie Chan went around the world in 80 days. Chuck Norris went around the world in 80 seconds... 10000 times

Chuck Norris won the first americas got talent by just saying his name.

Chuck Norris recently invented the roundhouse headbutt.

Chuck Norris will hit you so hard that your blood will bleed

Whenever Chuck Norris goes for a swim in the ocean, the sea level drops 11 inches around the world.

Chuck Norris was on safari in Africa when his rifle jammed. He still took his trophy lion by chasing it down and choking it out with his bare hands.

Chuck Norris can burn water and put out fire with gasoline.

Chuck Norris named his price and saved 15% or more on car insurance when he switched to Allstate.

Chuck Norris can call checkmate, before the pieces are setup on the chessboard.

If you asked Chuck Norris how many houses he could build out the skulls of his enemies, he would ask you how many graveyards there are in the world.

Chuck Norris' toupee came off an orangutan's ass.

Chuck Norris is the eleventh plague of Egypt.

Actions speak louder than words, unless they're Chuck Norris' words.

Chuck Norris went as himself for Halloween; He got twice as much candy as everybody

Chuck Norris gave 5 of his old watches to some teenages. Those teenagers are now known as the Power-Rangers

When you read a book about Chuck Norris it kills you.

The only type of fever Chuck Norris ever gets is disco fever.

Chuck Norris was once so drunk that he tripped and the ejecta that was launched into outer space formed the moon.

Chuck Norris does not need oxygen to breath

Chuck Norris makes gorilla buiscuts by slamming Kelly Osbourne's face into cookie dough.

"Death be not proud: you're nowhere near as threatening as Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris broke the sound barrier whilst head banging

Fun Fact: If you piss off Chuck Norris... HE WILL DESTROY YOU!!

Chuck Norris will never kill any man that is wearing a red toupee unless it looks better than his.

Chuck Norris can suffocate a plastic bag, with a human.

Chuck Norris can kill you with a moist towelette

Chuck Norris was originally going to star in the movie 127 Hours, but was dropped when producers relized they would have to change the name of the movie to 8.3 Seconds.

What is the difference between a diamond and Chuck Norris? Well one is the strongest substance on earth, the other is just compressed carbon.

Chuck Norris can play Blue's Clues. Without Clues.

When Chuck Norris air guitars, you can hear it playing.

Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked the Earth, It's been spinning ever since....

If Chuck Norris tried to punch himself he would deflect each blow creating an infinite loop. A paradox nobody can solve, except Chuck Norris.

Taxi drivers pay Chuck Norris when he gets in their cabs.

Chuck Norris is suing the Korean pop singer PSY for copyright infringement on the phrase Gangnam Style and the horse riding dance

When landing on the moon, Neil Armstrong actually said, 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind... and please, Chuck Norris, don't kill me for being the first.'

Bruce Spingsteen calls Chuck Norris "The Boss".

King Solomom had 300 concubines, Chuck Norris' concubine was King Solomon

Chuck Norris auditioned for the roll of the terminator. He was turned down because it would just be a biography of his life.

Chuck Norris doesn't need vacuum to clean kis carpet he makes the carpet clean itself

Last year, Chuck Norris was voted "The Most Valuable Employee" at 27 businesses that he has never worked for.

Chuck Norris was recently transported to a Waco, TX hospital Emergency Room. Once there, he supervised clean up the blood, hair and skull fragments of his most recent beatings.

Chuck Norris is brimming with so much testosterone-fueled badassery, that your balls will twitch at the sight of him.

When Chuck Norris kills you, you get a high-five from God.

Chuck Norris rode his sway-backed mule named Thudly to the 2014 Kentucky Derby winners circle.

Chuck Norris don't lay down the law - he picks it up and inserts it in you.

Chuck Norris doesn't laugh in the face of danger. He punches it repeatedly until it's the face of fear.

Chuck Norris walked into a tattoo parlour, with a 0.50 cal machine gun. After telling the artist what he wanted, he declined the needle and pointed at the machine gun.

god created the world, because Chuck Norris let him

Chuck Norris can drink a bucket of KFC.

Chuck Norris put the I in IPhone with a real human eye

The word "pain" is coined after Chuck Norris.

That's not Chuck Norris doing push-ups, That's Chuck Norris moving the earth out of the path of a deadly asteroid.

the planets do not revolve around sun, Chuck Norris just refuses to let them leave

You don't question Chuck Norris, because if you do, he'll drink a liter of liquid egg, then punch your sternum so hard that you'll vomit bloody stool.

Chuck Norris shoved a Saint Bernard up Richard Gere's ass.

Two And A Half Men was originally Seventy-Eight And a Half Men and a show only about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' favorite breakfast cereals are Chucky Charms and Count Chuckula.

Chuck Norris was once in a car accident and broke both of his legs... He still managed to walk it off.

Chuck Norris scratches that hard-to-reach spot on his back with his chin stubble.

James Bond says his name twice to introduce himself. Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicks you in the face.

At school, Chuck Norris' nickname was 'Chuck Norris'.

Chuck Norris can smell what you had for dinner... three weeks ago

Little known fact: Chuck Norris moved to Yugoslavia in the early nineties. They then renamed the country "Yudontgotoslavia"

Chuck Norris owns all of the No. 1 pencils.

Chuck Norris has two types of hearing, two types of smell, and nine types of sight. And 52 types of kickass.

Isla Nublar and Isla Sorna are Chuck Norris' vacation islands

Chuck Norris once watched an episode of Friends and saw an African-American with a major role.

Every time Chuck Norris leaves a room, the song "There Goes My Hero" starts playing out of nowhere.

Chuck Norris can ram your teeth so far down your throat that you will need to sit on your food just to eat it.

Once again, Chuck Norris allows the skinny black guy to pretend that he's running America for another four years.

Darth Vader once tried to choke Chuck Norris but he won't be trying it again.

bigfoot doesn't exist, parker just took a picture after Chuck Norris went on a camping trip and moths ate his clothes.

Chuck Norris' nutsack is pepperoni flavored.

Chuck Norris has been known to make a woman climax just by being within 10 feet of her.

Chuck Norris was actually Spartacus.

When The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse entered this world, the first person they met was Chuck Norris. They now bunk at his horse ranch in Texas and clean the manure from the stables every morning.

The plastic flamingoes on Chuck Norris' front lawn contain motion-activated laser-sighted miniguns. The rosebush houses the SSMs.

Chuck Norris once made 30,000 pounds of coal out of a 1/4 carat diamond.

Absolute zero has two definitions: 1) The coldest temperature possible. 2) Your chances of survival in a fight with Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris slaps you on the right cheek, you'll turn inside out

Grizzlys shriek white in terror upon seeing Chuck Norris, today they are a protected species known as Polar Bears.

Putin: We have the best nuclear weapons Obama: We have Chuck Norris

Very few Chuck Norris Facts apply to our universe. However, Chuck Norris has not ever said which ones they are, so it's best not to take any risks.

Chuck Norris went back in time and killed all his great-grandparents just to trip everybody out.

The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost exist because Chuck Norris ripped God into three separate entities.

Chuck Norris gets more ass than a toilet seat at taco bell.

Did you know that Chuck Norris was in every Star Wars movie? He was "The Force".

Chuck Norris can cough in 7 different languages.