🥋 General Facts

Robin Hood was partially based on Chuck Norris, in that Norris would rob from the rich. But Robin Hood never roundhouse-kicked the poor. Or the rich, for that matter.

When Chuck Norris needs to travel by plane, he makes BA Baracus fly him.

Chuck Norris wants your soul. Chuck Norris will EAT your soul.

Chuck Norris never wipes his butt

Chuck Norris can compare apples to oranges.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

A mere glimpse of Chuck Norris bearded member gave engineers the idea for the Alaska Pipeline.

If a fishes see Chuck Norris swim , they usally drown in fear.

Chuck Norris can actually "hold up" a bank...with one finger.

Chuck Norris is widely considered the greatest hip-hop artist of all time.

I was experiencing hard drive troubles and couldn't wait for chkdsk to complete so I rebooted and typed in Chuck Norris in the cmd prompt....problem solved.

Chuck Norris has lasted this long simply because Heaven wants nothing to do with him, and Hell is afraid that he'll take over the place.

If Chuck Norris were the king of Camelot he would be the master of the nights of the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris is the reason for JAL flight 123

Chuck Norris house trained his dog by 1 roundhouse kick to the face.

You know the move where Scorpio removes the spine in mortal combat? Well Chuck Norris can do that to invertibrates!

When Chuck Norris gets voted in as president, he will not live in the White House. He will live in the Round House.

Chuck Norris can make a happy meal cry

Chuck Norris overheard an old man complain that his Metamucil just wasn't providing enough fiber to take care of business. So, a kind Chuck Norris rammed an oak tree up the old man's ass, lit it up with a flame thrower and yelled: "fire in the hole".

Chuck Norris once milked a crocodile.

Chuck Norris puts the C in Critical, the H in Hercules, the U in Unbeatable and the K in Kick... All together - CHUCK.

Chuck Norris' fart can destroy every living entity in the whole world. He holds his fart to save the world. Thank you Chuck!

On Thursdays, Chuck Norris plays 7 Card Stud with The Moon, a grizzly and Gomez Adams.

Charity gives to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris will never suffer from a demonic possession, but demons can suffer from a Chuck Norris-Possession.

In the Matrix, how can you tell it from the real world? Well, in the real world, all leading roles played by different actors who always get the girl are actually Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris decided it shall be called pineapple, and the world accepted it out of sheer terror even though the fruit had nothing to do with pines or apples.

Chuck Norris is recommending all his friends buy a boat because Zombies can not swim.

Date: March 8, 2012. Chuck Norris decides to spend his spring vacation in the Mushroom Kingdom to duke it out with the portly plumber himself. Mario is currently gobbling 1-Up mushrooms, grabbing red coins, and going berserk with golden flowers.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

All bad guys ever kicked by Chuck Norris in TV/movies immediatly died upon end of contract. Chuck Norris respects the Law.

There's an old saying: what's good for the goose, is good for the gander. Conversly, what's good for Chuck Norris is most likely lethal to most mortals.

Chuck Norris is not invited to Pro-Am golf tournaments because he would make the other golfers look bad. Amateurs, too.

the titanic did not hit an iceberg and sink, Chuck Norris hit the titanic

Chuck Norris will never be on Mythbusters because everything Chuck does is not myth!

Chuck Norris never has to drive his car.He tells the car what to do. Start,go,stop,left,right,foward reverse,headlights on and off, wipe my windshield.

Chuck Norris was kicked off the show "Extreme Couponing" the producers couldn't stand watching entire grocery chains file bankruptcy because of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can run Windows 7 on a Commodore 64.

Every Gun family owns a Chuck Norris for self-protection.

A man once asked Chuck Norris if it was true that he had cheated Death. Chuck Norris merely laughed and said "Fool! I am Death" and proceeded to roundhouse kick him mercilessly.

Chuck Norris caught a chicken using a dead alligator as bait.

Chuck Norris always looks a gift horse in the eye, then he kills it with one punch.

Chuck Norris had an iPad Air when the iPhone was first released.

Chuck Norris can massacre his way through an army of bad guys like he's using a cheat code.

Chuck Norris can pee in the pool without getting caught.

Chuck Norris once took his pet Sasquatch to a Furry Convention.

Chuck Norris pasteurizes milk by drinking it

Chuck Norris know what's a gayfish is!!!

Remember Child's Play? The doll now hangs from Chuck Norris' rearview mirror.

When Chuck Norris attended a Boy George concert, Boy George soon found himself in the nose bleed section - literally.

Willy Wonka gave an everlasting gobstopper to Chuck Norris. The flavor lasted 2.3 seconds.

Chuck Norris has a blood pressure reading of zero over zero. Chuck Norris has never felt any pressure.

War of The Worlds was actually a documentary- all the aliens died out after Chuck Norris dealt with them.

Jimmy Fallon has to ask Chuck Norris permission "to make it rain up in here".

If you offend Chuck Norris in any way, he will murder you without a second thought. Or even a first one.

Chuck Norris doesn't get into car accidents, cars get into Chuck Norris accidents.

Full-powered Chuck Norris attacks are the second ingredient in Taco Bell ground beef.

UFO's don't stay long because they know Chuck Norris did not invite them

A reporter asked Chuck Norris if he considered himself a 2nd rate actor or a 3rd rate actor? Chuck asked the reporter if he preferred a fractured skull or a ruptured spleen.

Chuck Norris NEVER calls the cops. The cops call Chuck Norris.

If Chuck Norris steals money from a bank, the owner of the bank gets arrested for not just giving Chuck Norris the money.

Chuck Norris can fart in the shower and make bubbles.

When in doubt..........Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris uses pens on Scantron sheets.

Giraffes are born or created when Chuck Norris uppercuts a Horse!

The Beatles sang about living in a yellow submarine. That's because they wanted to get away from Chuck Norris.

Whatever happened to Duncan MacLeod, The Highlander? He foolishly challenged Chuck Norris. In the end, there can be only one. The one is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris has never experienced failure, remorse, being wrong, pity or defeat, among other things.

Chuck Norris killed the greek warrior achilles with a roundhouse kick to his face. Then one night Chuck Norris made a joke he says "Ah-kill-hes face!"

Chuck Norris was hunting bears when his rifle jammed. Faced with a charging Grizzly, Chuck grabbed a rubber band from his pocket and strangled the bear.

The man who came up with the phrase the only thing to fear is fear itself has never met Chuck Norris.

Before sliced bread, people used to say, "That's the greatest thing since Chuck Norris." But Chuck Norris was displeased by this. So he roundhouse kicked a loaf of bread into slices.

When Chuck Norris plays Five Nights at Freddy's, the animatronics don't scare him. The animatronics come to him

Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.

Chuck Norris kicked the bucket-and lived.

Chuck Norris takes knives to gun fights. Chuck Norris opens presents on your birthday.

when we add 9+1, we get 10. when Chuck Norris adds 9+1, a thunderbolt strikes down the nearest person watching him.

Chuck Norris sleeps on the television

Chuck Norris uses an orang-utan skull as a bong.

When Chuck Norris enters a Red Lobster restaurant, the shrimp stab themselves with an EpiPen to avoid antiphelactic shock.

There are plenty of Chucks, but only one Chuck Norris- he roundhouse kicks anyone named after him.

Chuck Norris doesnt go to mexico Chuck doent close his eyes playing hide and seek Chuck Norris foent do dentions Chuck was excluded from his exclusion

Chuck Norris doesn't use a chainsaw to cut trees, he just stares at the tree until it falls over.

The Boogeyman once hid under Chuck Norris' bed. When he realized what he'd done, the Boogeyman peed his pants and ran screaming into the night.

Chuck Norris can cut someone in half.....by just looking at you.

If suddenly the world was taken over by aliens and everyone was made their slaves, Chuck Norris would be made their king, no questions asked.

Chuck Norris is so fertile that every time he jerks off into a sock it squeezes out a pair of cowboy boots.

Rick, Daryl, Glenn and Michonne want Chuck Norris to join their group as Chuck can kill a zombies brain with just one intense stare.

Helen Keler's favorite color is Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris employs a concierge urologist.

If Chuck Norris ever says to you, "relax, I got your back", do not for a second believe that he is going to protect you from anything! Because that means he has just ripped out your spine.

Chuck Norris created tetris when he bent several people spines and stacked them on top of each other.

Chuck Norris does not return your greeting. Chuck Norris simply stares.

Chuck Norris is the Fifth Horseman.

Chuck Norris once found a piece of hay in a neelestack.

Pele is the Chuck Norris of soccer.

Cavemen didn't invent fire; Chuck Norris merely snapped his fingers and gave it to them

As a young magician - Walker: Texas Illusionist - Chuck Norris once cut a lady in half on-stage. He then lit a cigar and chuckled as the audience freaked out.

Chuck Norris doesn't push the envelope. He wipes his ass with it.

You can see Chuck Norris's charisma from space.