🥋 General Facts

When Chuck Norris was little, he once played with some blocks. Those blocks today are known as the Stone Henge.

Chuck Norris prefers to kill people in the key of D minor.

Q: How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? A: All of it...

Peter Pan once woke-up Chuck Norris at 5:00 AM in the morning. As a result, Cuck Norris made Pancakes for breakfast.

chucky does not play with Chuck Norris Chuck Norris plays with chucky by roundhouse kicking him over and over again

Chuck Norris spelled backward is still Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris created Stephen Hawking during a bowel movement,

When Chuck Norris farts, it gives off the smell of the interior of a brand new vehicle.

Why do vultures suddenly appear every time Chuck Norris is near? Just like me, they long to be... close to Chuck.

Chuck Norris' cellphone number is: 1

If you ever dare to start playing 'Six Degrees Of Chuck Norris', you will hear an ominous knock upon your front door.

Chuck Norris doesn't moisturize. Chuck Norris waterboards.

Chuck Norris tells The Fonz to sit on it.

Chuck Norris can find the limit of an oscillating function

Chuck Norris' grass is always greener.

Chuck Norris can lick the live end of a 50,000 watt cable and call it ice-cream.

Prisons are overcrowded because criminals insist on being sent to prison. They know they will be safe from Chuck Norris

If Chuck Norris ate at your restaurant and had only $5 for his $50 meal, you would still owe him change.

Danger had a face, until Chuck Norris ripped it off.

Robin Williams knew Chuck Norris was coming for him.

There is no wrong side on Chuck Norris' bed.

Chuck Norris cornrows his crotch hair.

If he wanted to, Chuck Norris could roundhouse kick you in the face with the ingrown hair on his ass even tho' he doesn't have one.

When playing Blackjack, Chuck Norris wears a 50-gallon cowboy hat, huge bug-eye wraparound shades and a black velvet leisure suit covered in diamond studs. He keeps a loaded Uzi on the table while he plays.

Chuck Norris finished every Call of Duty games in less than 15 minutes..........without shooting a single bullet.

Chuck Norris is so tough that he is friends with Martha Stewart.

Chuck Norris can literally order Flied Lice at a Chinese takeout.

Chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child, once on Hiroshima then again on Nagasaki.

Environmentalists do their best not to upset Chuck Norris, cause the heat from his anger can melt an entire glacier.

Chuck Norris can walk through a village full of hungry cannibals without concern.

Chuck Norris' pet snail can go 50 mph and that's only it's jogging speed.

Chuck Norris decided to try bull riding. He drew a nasty bull named Doomsday. When Doomsday heard Chuck was going to ride him, he hid in his trailer and fainted.

Contrary to what was widely reported, Saddam Hussein was not hanged in Iraq - he was slowly liquified, inch by inch, in Chuck Norris' basement.

*Eminem meets Chuck Norris* Eminem: I'm not afraid of you. Chuck Norris: I love the way you lie.

Chuck Norris completed the Tough Guy Challenge by doing nothing.

Chuck Norris can light a fire.... underwater.

Chuck Norris can cover a Beatles song on Youtube and won't get comments saying he ruined the song.

Chuck Norris has a smiley-face tattooed on his choad.

Chuck Norris created the Universe. Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking has apologized for the "Big Bang" theory.

Chuck Norris can turn lead into uranium.

Most people receive Chuck Norris' kicks while he is wearing his cowboy boots. Receiving a bare-feet Chuck Norris roundhouse kick is considered auspicious in some countries.

Super Mario was based on Chuck Norris, in that as a young man, Norris briefly worked as a plumber. And he loves to take mushrooms and stomp defenseless turtles to death

When God said "let there be light", he first asked Chuck Norris if it was ok...

Sharks have a whole week dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris owns a chain of Starchucks along the Pacific north-west, for all your coffee, alcohol and firearms needs.

Chuck Norris is a seperate brach of the service, with its own academy and fight song, the theme from "Walker, Texas Ranger".

Who let Chuck Norris out?Who,who,who?...ofcourse Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris keeps a small collapsable guillotine in the trunk of his Hummer.

Chuck Norris got his drivers licence at age, 16.... Seconds.

Chuck Norris names ships by pissing into the sides of them.

Chuck Norris can fart the lyrics to "Wooly Bully" in Morris Code.

Errol Flynn once tried to grow a Chuck Norris beard. Which of course is why he died such a brutally violent death.

Casinos pay Chuck Norris not to play at anything or wish anyone good luck.

When Chuck Norris was 5, he went to the Mall to see Santa. Santa asked "what would you like little boy, a train set? A bike? Chuck replied "no Santa, I want a rocket launcher".

Chuck Norris played chicken with a train...and won.

Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris won an Olympic Gold Medal in the Men's Singles Luge competition while riding down the ice on a pair of hair tweezers.

Chuck Norris has slapped a load of ass in his day. And by 'his day', he always means today.

A roundhouse kick to the crotch from Chuck Norris cures AIDS. Its too bad no one can survive a roundhouse kick.

Sharon Stone parted her legs for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is FAR too sexy for Right Said Fred.

Chuck Norris created the Chinese basketball player, Yao Ming by means of torture stretching a sumo wrestler on "the rack".

Chuck Norris can milk a bucket with a cow.

If all the army's in world were to wage war on Chuck Norris he would just cough and they would be dead

The back of Chuck Norris' hands are always speckled with bone marrow.

Chuck Norris can whistle "Dixie" in reverse.

Anthrax is reverse-engineered from Chuck Norris' white blood cells and was originally called Chuckthrax.

Chuck Norris once milked a honey badger.

Chuck Norris was once minted on the dollar bill, but after thousands died, it became apparent that no-one pays out Chuck Norris and lives.

Chuck Norris favorite cartoon TV show is WWE.

When the Lone Ranger & Tonto challenged Chuck Norris to a game of 8 ball, Chuck Norris racked thier balls.

The hills are alive with the sound of Chuck Norris' dong slapping against his legs while he walks.

Two Mary Kay salesmen knocked on Chuck Norris' door. They introduced themselves as Ben Dover & Phil McCrakin. They are no longer in business together.

After Chuck Norris ate a shrimp cocktail & a peanut butter sandwich, he won this year's Nobel Prize in Medicine for ridding the world of anaphylactic shock.

Chuck Norris knows how much wood a woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

When Chuck Norris plays football, he uses his foot and your balls.

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he demands oranges and gets them.

The secret to the B-2 Stealth Bomber's technology is it contains Chuck Norris's beard. Only 21 were ever built as Chuck Norris has only shaved 21 times.

any thing you can do he can do better, Chuck Norris can do anything better than you

One time Jason Voorhees made fun of Chuck Norris during a hockey game. He roundhouse kicked Jason in the face so hard, he melded the goalie mask to his face, broke his vocal cords, and messed up his brain so much, he became a serial killer.

Chuck Norris once made his Kindergarten teacher spit out her gum.

When Chuck Norris goes to a strip club, the strippers pay him before their performances.

Chuck Norris was on one part on Titanic.... He was the iceberg!

Chuck Norris can piss into the wind and not get wet.

Chuck Norris wants a bath. A BLOOD BATH!

If Chuck Norris has 3 pieces of pizza, and you take two away..... you have about 1 second to give them back..

Chuck Norris only uses his gunsights as bottle-openers.

Consider it a bad sign and fair warning if you ever hear Chuck Norris humming the opening to 'The Final Countdown'.

Chuck Norris found Carmen Sandiego and promptly boned her.

Chuck Norris' personal foot masseuse has 2 permanent black eyes, 7 broken ribs, a bloody nose and a dislodged jaw.

Lord Voldemort refers Chuck Norris as He-Who-Should-Not-Be-Named.

Chuck Norris farted and created the universe

Chuck Norris won the 1982 World Series of Poker with a 2 of clubs, 7 of hearts, jack of diamonds, a skip card from Uno, and a blank bingo card.

Chuck Norris can speak Chinese in German in French in Hindu in English in Algebra in blue in cup with a hint of Russian in Scottish in Canadian

When Chuck Norris says 'pull my finger', consider that a polite warning that you very soon will be atomized.

Chuck Norris can kill the chicken in Zelda.

Chuck Norris? never heard of her.

After watching the movie 'Titanic', Chuck Norris had tears in his eyes. Tears of laughter.

Chuck Norris perms his knucklehair.

Chuck Norris's dog doesn't know who's a good boy.