🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris tried finding the pot of gold at the end of a rainbow. He didn't find it, that's why there are no more leprechauns.

Chuck Norris likes Apples for dessert ... especially Macbook Pros and Airbooks

At one time in Gotham, the dynamic dual were known as Chuck Norris and Batman. Later, Chuck Norris got bored and quit at which time Batman got promoted.

Don't make fun of Chuck Norris, or you will feel the wrath of his beard and the fist behind it.

Bruce Jenner heard that Chuck Norris doesn't kill women. Chuck is willing to make an exception.

Chuck Norris chews tobacco with his eyelids.

Chuck Norris understood the ending of Lost.

Chuck Norris CAN turn lead into gold.

Chuck Norris can say "I'm fallen in love with you" to a woman without mosbying her.

Whatever goes up must come down... Unless Chuck Norris tells it not to.

Chuck Norris was baptized in sulphuric acid.

Chuck Norris never cheats on his wives. The word 'cheat' would imply that they didn't know Chuck's deal going in.

Chuck Norris can squeeze lime juice out of a lemon.

The bathroom comes to Chuck Norris.

SpongeBob SquarePants has been expunged by Chuck Norris.

M. Night Shyamalan will not see the twist ending to his life, which will be Chuck Norris twisting his head off.

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the winnyness out of Caillou.

Chuck Norris takes the 'non' out of non-violent entertainment.

Chuck Norris was the first avenger.

Chuck Norris now lives in Eagle Pass. He has a set of balls made out of brass. When they clang together, They cause stormy weather. And lighting shoots out of his ass.

When Chuck Norris plays IWBTG he never died

The legendary fight scene between Bruce Lee and Chuck Norris had to be filmed over a dozen times because the cameramen kept dying.

Chuck Norris can prepare a Vegan dish out of pork, beef, chicken, eggs, milk, and butter.

Cannibals worship King Kong. King Kong worships Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once wore a pair of Lee Dungarees. He busted them

If mike tyson and mahammud ali fought who would win. CHUCK NORRIS

All steroids are derived from Chuck Norris DNA.

Women throw themselves at Chuck Norris, whether they want to or not.

A single hair from Chuck Norris can split a diamond.

Chuck Norris did take someone's eye out with that.

Chuck Norris has a twin brother. He is known as Satan.

Why do extraterrestial travelers visit Earth? To worship Chuck Norris.

That's Mr Chuck Norris to you.

Chuck Norris beleives in downsizing government! That's why he once roundhouse kicked the Octagon. Today, its known as the Pentagon.

The only reason Chuck Norris graduated third grade is because one of his ex wives was teaching the class.

the ONLY time when Chuck Norris cried was when Bruce Lee passed away

Chuck Norris dosent use airplanes to get to other countries, he just jumps from one continent to another.

No one said Draco Malfoy, They said Chuck Norris.

JFK was not assassinated. Instead, Chuck Norris went back in time just as Oswald fired a bullet from his rifle, which was deflected by his beard. Kennedy's head exploded from sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has a new policy regarding gays in the military. Don't ask - EVER!

Chuck Norris can skydive into outer space.

Chuck Norris keeps pirhanas in his swimming pool. He feeds them one freshly roundhouse-kicked pool cleaner daily.

Chuck Norris puts the i in team.

Chuck Norris kills only on days that end with "y"

Never smile at a crocodile. Unless you know that Chuck Norris is about to rip it in half like a phone book.

Chuck Norris cooked what Meg Ryan was having.

One time Sylvester Stallone got into an argument with Chuck Norris over who was the best knitter. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him in the face. Stallone's lip hasn't been the same since.

Chuck Norris invented Muay Thai in his sleep while acting out his dreams.

Chuck Norris literaly cuts playing cards. The number of craters on the moon matches the exact number of players who complained about that.

Charlie Chaplin lost a Charlie Chaplin look-a-like contest to Chuck Norris. No one can beat Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wil always kick your arse. Even in soviet russia.

Chuck Norris once had terradactyl wings for the first time at Fred Flinstone's house. Afterwards, he promised himself he wouldn't eat poultry again until the apocalypse.

For years now, Chuck Norris has been trying to convince John Malkovitch to co-star in his proposed comedy/documentary "Killing John Malkovitch".

Chuck Norris can have three pairs in his poker hand.

Chuck Norris' DNA is a quadruple-helix. You just have to take his word for it, as anyone trying to see it under a microscope gets their eye poked out.

Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris. He them proceeded to roundhouse kick each and every one of them.

Chuck Norris does not need a reason to kill. but he needs a good one to stop...... no such reason has been thought of yet

Chuck Norris has to trim his toenails with bolt cutters.

Chuck Norris was the only professional boxer ever who was allowed to perform fatality moves on his defeated opponents.

the tide recedes because it knows Chuck Norris is coming

Chuck Norris taught Tiger Woods everything Tiger knows about golf.

Chuck Norris got the new Galaxy Foamposites for free.

Chuck Norris once threw a Kenworth into the Pacific Ocean. It became known as Octopus Prime.

Chuck Norris doesn't need the iPad because Chuck Norris doesn't bleed.......

Chuck Norris' balls make cold water shrink.

Chuck Norris actually died four years ago, but the Grim Reaper can't get up the courage to tell him.

Jack Lallane gave birth to Chuck Norris, who in turn, gave birth to Jack Lallane. Vin Diesel was the afterbirth.

if you punch a brick wall you will never win. but if Chuck Norris punches one he wins every time!

Chuck Norris makes a world famous tray of chocolate chip/macadamamia flavored Snickerdoodle cookies from his dingle berries and toe jam.

Chuck Norris can bowl a 300. In four frames.

Chuck Norris never dances, he prefers roundhouse-kicking.

Chuck Norris never went to karate class, he was born kicking butt.

Chuck Norris can give you the middle finger with his pinky

Chuck Norris can destroy any aircraft, ship, or motorized vechicle just by yelling "Bang!" at it.

Chuck Norris' childhood hero was himself.

The force is with Chuck Norris. Always.

If a mosquito sucks Chuck Norris' blood, Chuck Norris eats the mosquito...so he can take back whats his.

The Expendables 3 will not feature Chuck Norris. Therefore, it will suck.

The movement of subatomic air substance created from Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks were recently accredited by physicists as allowing them to view the Higgs Boson Partical.

Chuck Norris once ripped the eyeballs out of Great Horned Owl and wore them around as night vision goggles.

Chuck Norris taught Professor Keating how to get away with murder.

The movie "Roadhouse" is strictly based on the premise.....what would Chuck Norris do.

Chuck Norris is the only person on earth that can play HALO on a PS3.

When Jesus said, "No one comes to the Father except through me", he was referring to his father, Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris punished Superman for being Superman by making him wear his underwear over his pants.

In the time it takes you to read this sentence, Chuck Norris could have killed 25 people. Or completely satisfied 5 women...twice.

Chuck Norris reaches 11 on the Richter Scale, if you confront him and say it only goes to 10 you will recieve a roundhouse kick..which will reach 12.

Chuck Norris can punch you so hard you die and then start crying.

Chuck Norris invented the woman because he got tired of men.

A man woke in Intensive Care with severe injuries and no memory of what happened. An investigation determined he was hit by either a freight train or by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once defeated a laser beam in the 100 meter dash.

The only thing that burns Chuck Norris more than having to look at your face is a lit match 1/8 of an inch away from his asshole.

Chuck Norris has no friends on Facebook. Just enemies.

Chuck Norris has proven that not everything is bigger in Texas. Don't ask how.

The last person to attempt to emulate a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick lost his kneecap due to the high intensity centrifugal force.

After John Lennon's murder in 1980, the only person ever considered for his replacement in the event of a Beatles reunion was Chuck Norris.

Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris walks on Jesus.

Chuck Norris invented winning.

Chuck Norris can piss into gale force winds.

Even when Chuck Norris is broke, he can still afford anything at the store.