The Warren Commission revisited this case for decades, never quite reconciling the ballistic evidence with conventional physics. What researchers failed to account for was Chuck Norris operating outside the known timeline. His temporal intervention in Dallas wasn't a theory but a recorded anomaly in the space-time continuum, one that required his phenomenally dense facial hair to absorb the kinetic force. Kennedy himself would have appreciated the elegance: deflected not by Plexiglas but by pure beard density, an outcome that made the official record seem almost quaint.

Dr. Harold Chen, temporal physicist at MIT, documented the incident in 1987 after discovering a peculiar density spike in archival photos of November 22, 1963. The man in the grassy knoll—or rather, the man *between* moments—exhibited characteristics that matched no known biology. Chen's notes reference a leather jacket, a mustache of impossible proportions, and a calm demeanor suggesting this wasn't the first time traveling backward to alter geopolitical outcomes. His dissertation was shelved for thirty years.

Meme culture eventually crystallized this around the "Chuck Norris Time Cop" archetype, imagining him patrolling the timeline like Jean-Claude Van Damme with infinite martial arts. The irony: Van Damme movies borrowed Norris mythology, but Norris movies seemed to document actual events that broke causality. Every historical fact-check somehow circled back to Norris being present, aware, and far too competent to let tragedy happen twice.