🥋 General Facts

Davie crocket may have killed a bear when he was 3. But Chuck Norris killed a pack of velociraptor's when he was 1.

Chuck Norris once shot a chicken in the head, without a gun, and a bullet, and a chicken present!

Spellcheck once tried to correct Chuck Norris......he ate the monitor with some fava beans and a nice chianti.

Chuck Norris wants to be remembered as a humanitarian... we best do what he wants.

God created Jesus toencourage peace when that didn't work he created Chuck Norris to enforce it.

Did you see the movie Godzilla he didn't come to scare newyork he came to get away from Chuck Norris.

At Chuck Norris's wedding the best man was the country of United States.

Chuck Norris can hack the U.S. national sucurity computer system using nothing but a piece of toilet paper and an M&M.

Southpark is Chuck Norris heavens.

Chuck Norris has a flying pony do you know how it flys, Chuck hit it.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in.

Jesus can walk on water. Chuck Norris can walk on lava.

Chuck Norris doesn't drink water he drinks sulfuric acid with a hint of lemon.

When Chuck Norris hunts any type of game bird, he doesn't need a shotgun. He prefers to throw handfuls of gravel instead.

Last Halloween Chuck Norris carved his pumpkin with an axe! The design? A picture of Chuck Norris carving a pumpkin with a freakin axe!

Chuck Norris does not buy snake proof boots, he puts on boots than they are snake proof.

Freddy fazbear and his friends don't scare Chuck Norris.....Chuck Norris beats up Freddy and his friends.

The day Chuck Norris jokes get old, the world will end.

Wen Bruce gets mad he turns into the hulk, wen hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris, wen Chuck Norris gets mad "RUN!!!!!!!"

Chuck Norris once squeezed a lemon, got kiwi juice, put the kiwi juice the oven and it would be the best damn cupcake you ever had.

A rhino once gored Chuck Norris and got a concussion.

How do you spell roundhouse kick? C-h-u-c-k- N-o-r-r-i-s.(ignore this I needa say Chuck Norris).

Chuck Norris went to Walmart once to buy a new laptop. They told him which was the best price. It was the $9.99 so Chuck roundhouse kicked them and said I never asked for the price.

Cats don't mess with Chuck Norris, coz they know dat 1 kick from him equals to 5 cat lifes and we all know Chuck Norris doesn't kick once.

In the DC Comics, the only known thing to break a panel's lines is the beard of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once entered a drinking contest and won by drink everything in 1 second.

The reason the Grudge crokes is because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it in the throat.

Chuck Norris once fought the toughest man in the world, promptly after the match the man enrolled in clown school and ended up working for a fast food chain.

God create the earth and all living things.... But Chuck Norris created God.

What happens between you and Chuck Norris stays between you and Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris is driving traffic lights never turn red.

Annoying orange is just an example what consequence can Chuck Norris do with roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris created giraffes wen he uppercutted a horse.

1kubic meter of water is not 100kg heavy because Chuck Norris can always found Bruce Lee in it.

Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, Water gets Chuck Norrised.

We don't live in an ever expanding universe like scientist's say. We just live in a universe that is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris round house kicked Hulk Hogan he turned into Britney Spears and got sent to the seventh dimension that is powerful.

Chuck Norris is so scary he makes Jason Voorhees piss him self.

There are 2 kinds of people, people who believe in Chuck Norris and the dead.

The Americans didn't nuke Japan. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris is 10 years older than his father.

It's not global warming, its Chuck Norris working out.

"I say don't worry about a thing. Cause every little thing is gonna be alright..." till you "rise this morning with Chuck Norris at your door step... sayin I'm gonna round house kick you!"

Chuck Norris once dug a hole... to the bottom of the ocean.

Chuck Norris is so cool the sun was sad.

As long as Chuck Norris lives in planet earth there will be no asteroid or aliens that would dare touch our planet. That's why he doesn't do asteroids, or alien invasion movies, because they won't have any sense.

The first thing Chuck Norris said wen he was born was ..... I hate Corey.

The situation didn't name himself, Chuck Norris roundhouses him and made him have a situation.

Chuck Norris doesn't play Russian rulet with a revolver... he plays with a .50cal desert eagle.

Chuck Norris can make ice cream... in a iron a smelter.

The original title of walking dead was zombie and human vs. Chuck Norris. The reason it ended was because it was 1 episode and 12 seconds long.

Chuck Norris can count to 10... backwards... Brain hurt? ...it's cool only Chuck Norris gets it.

The only thing that makes Chuck Norris fall asleep is the sound of his own laughter after he kills a kid's family making them orphans.

Chuck Norris can make Jacob from twilight go wolf and run away with his tail between his legs just by entering a hundred-mile radius of where Jacob is :) :P :O.

All of the UFO sightings were just people seeing Chuck Norris fly to McDonald's.

Some people say cockroaches will inherit the earth after a nuclear war, and they will... that is if Chuck Norris isn't around to kill all of them first.

When Chuck Norris goes swimming, Jaws hears the scary music.

Old spice was about to come out with a new Chuck Norris scent collection and there slogan for it would have been "old spice, smell like THE MAN!" but it never made it to stores, cause no one man is man enough to bare the same scent as Chuck Norris.

On Chuck Norris's birthday, he randomly chooses one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Mr T once beat Chuck Norris in an arm wrestling match, as an act of retaliation Chuck Norris invented racism.

Only one man has challenged Chuck Norris, he was suddenly vapour and I would seem Chuck Norris hadn't even moved.

Chuck Norris made Minute Maid lemonade in 59 seconds.

In the time it takes you to read this sentence, Chuck Norris will free two hundred POW's from a Vietnamese prison camp, roundhouse kick Saturn, and expose a dozen lucky women to a love so intense that they will be incinerated.

One time Chuck Norris had an awkward moment just to see what it felt like.

When Chuck Norris was born, he immediately got up, round-housed his dad right in the face and said "that's for sleeping with my mom".

When you play COD with Chuck Norris the escape button doesn't work! No one can escape from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented and patented the beard.

If Chuck Norris stared on the movie "taken" the movie would have been called "given back questions asked".

When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.

When Chuck Norris gets a penalty wile playing hockey, the ref go's in the penalty box.

Wild horses and bulls TRY to ride Chuck Norris.

Pwnage was originally the term for being touched by Chuck Norris.

Stare at Chuck Norris then give him a Mountain Dew to show your manly ...an also survived.

MacGyver can make just about anything out of duct tape and bamboo, but Chuck Norris can make ANYTHING he wants to out of MacGyver.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

The phrase anything you do I can do better does not apply to Chuck Norris.

The only reason the battle of San Jacinto lasted 18 minutes because Chuck Norris was 17 minutes late.

Being scared of tite spaces is called clausaphobic being scared of water is called hydrophobic being scared of Chuck Norris is called logic.

When Chuck Norris stares at you your balls drop to the ground.

You know when you have that feeling that you've seen all of this before....... That's just your life flashing before your eyes after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked you in the face.

Chuck Norris died and lived to tell the tale!

When Chuck Norris played football in high school, the coach knew better than to say bring the house, because he knew that Chuck Norris would bring the house the garage and the family car, and then throw it at the quarter back.

When Chuck Norris was told that a nuke was coming his way he said "everyone get behind me you'll be safe."

Chuck Norris once participated in the running of the bulls. The bulls were running because Chuck Norris was behind them.

Most people play slender ,slender plays Chuck Norris.

Slender man doesn't follow Chuck Norris. Chuck follows slender.

When Chuck Norris dies he will attend his own funirel.

Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicked billy ray Cyrus for mileys twerking.

When he was a kid, Chuck Norris sold lemonade. And he charged an "arm and a leg" for it, literally!

When Chuck Norris went to find Bigfoot, Bigfoot copied him self to escape from Chuck.

When Chuck Norris went to see Santa as a kid, Santa pulled Chuck Norris' beard to see if it was real.

Nuclear warheads are still hiding underground; even the Hydrogen bomb is afraid of Chuck Norris.

People cut their own hair. Chuck Norris pulls his own teeth.

The only person who can defeat Chuck Norris in the first round of an MC battle is MC Greeney. Chuck subsequently roundhouse kicks Greeney in the face and kills him.

Who wins in a race car race? Chuck Norris always wins. No excuses.

Simon plays Chuck Norris says.

If Chuck Norris is your mom your dad then who's your brother.

Chuck Norris can talk his way out of a room with no windows or doors.

If Chuck Norris dies, he doesn't randomly go to heaven or hell. He decides if to go to heaven or hell.

The movie 'Anacondas' was filmed in Chuck Norris' pants.