🥋 General Facts

my computer was running slow and wasn't working right. and ever since i changed the screen saver to a picture of Chuck Norris, its speed has increased and runs better than before. coincidence? I think not!

Did you ever think at random "hey I feel like I already been through this in past" where you actually haven't? It's just Chuck Norris rewinding life so he can watch it again.

Chuck Norris once had a street named after him, but they had to change the name because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives

Chuck Norris went on deal or no deal... the banker offered him 100 billion when he got all the top numbers on his fisrt round. he then raised it by 10 times when Chuck Norris said no.... the banker was then killed by picking up the rong phone

Eminem Sings about a Tornado meeting a Volcano, However we all know this is what happened when Chuck Norris created god.

the reason for the boarder patrol isn't to keep illegal immigrants out because we don't want them. it to keep them out so Chuck Norris doesn't kill the for trespassing

When the master chief was punching grunts (from halo) Chuck Norris was destroying covenant carriers

When Chuck Norris farts. Tornadoes blame somebody else!

The earth did not end on December 21 2012. But That is not because the Mayans were wrong, but because Chuck Norris had lunch planned for next week. Nothing gets between Chuck Norris and his lunch!

When Chuck Norris stands in front of a mirror, the mirror breaks because the mirror knows not to stand between Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris wishes you a Merry Christmas, a Happy Hannukah, and a Happy New Year... so you better have one!

Chuck Norris recently attended a Black Panther and KKK rally at the South Carolina state house. Authorities found no survivors.

Chuck Norris double batters his chicken and fish in cocaine & gorilla milk/egg wash.

The sun is afraid to look Chuck Norris directly in the eyes

Chuck Norris napisao program koji detektira beskonačnu petlju za sve slučajeve

Chuck Norris je isprogramirao program koji nastavi raditi nakon segfault

Chuck Norris je isprogramirao program koji nastavi raditi nakon segfault segfault

In the year 4321 Chuck Norris gave one ∞th of his power to an elderly man, the next day the man started World War 12.

If Chuck Norris where to meet Arnold Schwarzenegger the world would end of the action packed that would follow

Chuck Norris can beat Arnie in an Arnold Schwarzenegger Impersonation contest.

Arnold Schwarzenegger would never ask Chuck Norris to "DO IT NOW" because he knows Chuck will

Scientists created Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sly Stallone, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Vin Diesel, and Hulk Hogan by using urine samples from a toilet Chuck Norris once pissed in.

Chuck Norris has five children whose names are: - Van Damme - Arnold Schwarzenegger - Clint Eastwood - Steven Seagal - Joe Pesci

Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be back!". Chuck Norris says "I'm back!"

Chuck Norris is Charlie Sheen's dealer.

Chuck Norris only let's Charlie Sheen think he is winning. Chuck won a long time ago.

While Charlie Sheen was banging seven gram rocks and finishing them, Chuck Norris was banging seven pound rocks and finishing them.

Chuck Norris uspio uraditi zadaću da mu prođu svi autotestovi troll:

When life throws lemons at Chuck Norris, he catches them and throws them back at life.

Arnold Schwarzenegger always says he'll be back. But Chuck Norris always handles things the first time

Chuck Norris has five rows of teeth.

Chuck Norris' eyes can un-pixellate any criminal's face on the TV.

Miley Cyrus was inspired to do Wrecking Ball after actually swinging on one of Chuck Norris's balls.

When Chuck Norris watches Bubble Guppies, he gets pissed off and jumps into the TV and roundhouse kicks the motherf$&!ing sh*t out of them.

Chuck Norris once removed a thorn from Big Foot's little toe. That's why it's impossible to track Chuck Norris through the wilderness because Big Foot covers his trail with his own footprints.

Fun Fact: Chuck Norris wearing a blanky, riding a tricycle, with a kitten on his head looks more badass THAN YOU WILL EVER BE!!

Of course Chuck Norris banged Dolly Parton when she was in her prime.

Chuck Norris is loaded with more weaponry and alcohol than every pirate in history put together.

The Hulk doesn't like Chuck Norris when he's angry.

Chuck Norris on the cast of The Expendables 2 means the movie will consist of opening credits, one roundhouse kick, and closing credits. A single shot will not be fired.

Chuck Norris can see a black person on Friends.

Chuck Norris will kill anyone who does NOT respect him.

Samuel L Jackson is Chuck Norris' padawan

Chuck Norris once got in a bullfight with a matador.

Chuck Norris sees his reflection in a window.

When Chuck Norris was born, his Dad celebrated by lighting up cigars, one for him and one for Chuck.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

The Chicago Cubs are the worst team in baseball history. The only reason Cub fans still exist is because they are the only group of losers that Chuck Norris, uncharacteristically, has displayed any mercy for.

Every time Chuck Norris kills somebody, Danny Trejo gets another pockmark.

Chuck Norris cuts his steak with a plastic spoon.

Chuck Norris has the powers of the force, but NOBODY knows

When Chuck Norris claps his hands, the sun turns off.

Wooy Woodpecker died today. Nobody laughs at Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris was a Sherman Tank in a past life.

Chuck Norris can stack cups without moving his hands or eyes.

Chuck Norris went for a stroll in the jungle and was ambushed by a very hungry tiger. The attack was brutal, merciless and clinical. The tiger just doesn't have a ghost of chance at all. That is how Chuck Norris got the tiger rug in his living room.

Every once in awhile Chuck Norris goes on vacation to asia or the Middle-East. While there he usually gets into a bar-fight. Afterwards, this is remembered as a "war"

Chuck Norris raced light. Now he is always in the dark!

Chuck Norris keeps all the nuclear launch codes pinned to his fridge.

Michael Jackson can moonwalk but Chuck Norris can sun walk

The world is actually a long action movie franchise and we're all just background characters in Chuck Norris' story.

Chuck Norris can bend irony into balloon-animal shapes.

Chuck Norris got his legs cut off and still managed to get up and walk it off.

The Original Name of the Movie was Alien vs Chuck Norris. The producers found this to be a bit of an unfair fight, and knowing that they wanted a sequal, they substitued Predator for Chuck Norris. Many lives were saved.

The US did not boycot the 1980 Summer Olympics. Chuck Norris was the only US qualifier for every event. He decided not to compete because there was no challenge.

In 3rd grade , Chuck Norris wrote tthat 1+1=4 , and was instantly promoted to 8th grade.

Chuck Norris turned his Total Gym into a time machine.

When life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, he makes apple juice.

In Hollywood, the abbreviation HD stands for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is so scary, he can print his own money by sending selfies to the U.S. Mint.

Chuck Norris only finds M&M's in a bag of Trail Mix.

Chuck Norris can be a better villain than Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, Snaptrap, Venom, Lizard, and.....well any other villain. Hes a better villain than anyone.

Chuck Norris doesn't live in America. America lives under Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris' prostate has eaten dozens of doctor's middle fingers.

Chuck Norris was a first responder but he quit because people wanted him to use the defibrillators, and not roundhouse kicks.

Chuck Norris was originally cast to play the Terminator. However, the directors realized that if Chuck Norris was the Terminator, there would be no human resistence.

Chuck Norris sack-slapped a man in Reno just to watch him cry.

Michael Jordan was recently asked who he thought was the greatest basketball player in the world. His answer? Chuck Norris.

pearld harbour was burned because Chuck Norris pee on that with high explosive urine

Chuck Norris put 5 of his good friends in the hospital, after they challenged him to a pillow fight.

Chuck Norris once stabbed a man to death with a pillow.

Chuck Norris can cast Tenth Level Spells under First Edition rules.

Chuck Norris once rode a bull for 6 hours. He then ate it raw.

Chuck Norris uses his tongue can sniff out snakes. His tongue can also strangle a snake. He uses his beard to fillet the snake into bite size pieces and mixes it in with bananas to top off his bowl of Post Toasties.

Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Grim Reaper can process them.

Chuck Norris has a gentle side and it has only killed 100 ninjas.

Chuck Norris is the reason Atlantis no longer exists.

What Chuck Norris calls a "chaser" is what you and I call "cobra venom".

Chuck Norris can fix stupid with duct tape but he prefers to fix it with a roundhouse kick to stupid's face.

Chuck Norris is suing the creators of Facebook, for stealing the name of his personal collection of facial tissue he ripped off from people he met with bad manners.

The rock band Stone Temple Pilots got their name after they witnessed Chuck Norris cruising around in an Aztec shrine on the streets of L.A.

It's a little known fact that Chuck Norris's cat had a part in Harry Potter. To conceal her identity they called her " Mrs Norris".

Sheena became a Punk Rocker ever since Chuck Norris broke her heart.

When Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks your nuts your face implodes on itself.

Pound for pound, Chuck Norris is the biggest badass ever.

The term "Screaming Mimi" was introduced to American society in 1959 as a result of Chuck Norris attending an Eisenhower family BBQ.

Osama is not hiding from U.S soldiers , but of Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris can satisfy any woman just by being in the same room with her.

Did you know that Mother Nature had a one-night-stand with Father Time? The result was Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the reason that the Army had to change their slogan, "An Army of One".