🥋 General Facts

When Chuck Norris get bitten by a zombie, Chuck Norris doesn't turn into a zombie, the zombie turns in to Chuck Norris.

Don't try Chuck Norris at home

You can't spell Love without L O, you can't spell is without I S, you can't spell SILO without LOIS. Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn he breathes on the world's cornfields.

Chuck Norris can see his own eyes without a mirror.

Chuck Norris does not see dead people. He makes dead people.

Chuck Norris eats uranium tablets as an appetite stimulant.

Chuck Norris never shouts. The voices around him gather and shout on his behalf.

We all know the magic word is please as in Please do not kill me. Too bad Chuck Norris does not believe in magic.

If they called Chuck Norris to solve everything in the show 24, it would be a 24-second show.

Chuck Norris can perform photosynthesis without sunlight.

In an act of extreme philanthropy Chuck Norris made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6000 bodies for scientific research.

Chuck Norris turned down James Bond's job because he refused to be known as double zero anything.

Chuck Norris does not use a telephone. He just uses his voice.

If Chuck Norris ever fought himself in a time paradox, he would win.

Chuck Norris uses an axe to cut his fingernails.

When you see Chuck Norris he disappears. When Chuck Norris sees you, you disappear.

Chuck Norris's watermelons have no seeds. The seeds shrink and disappear from fear.

Chuck Norris uses a magnifying glass to kill ants. At night.

At the end of a prayer Chuck Norris does not say Amen. He says: Understood?

Chuck Norris does not vote. He decides.

A TsuNorris happens whenever Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks the ocean. A tsunami happens when he merely steps in.

Chuck Norris's toast never falls buttered side down. It just floats.

Chuck Norris can inhale helium and his voice still gets deeper.

Through six degrees of separation Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick anyone anywhere at any time.

The first rule of Chuck Norris is: never talk about Chuck Norris.

Sea sponges can regenerate from a single piece. Chuck Norris can too, he just never needed to.

If Chuck Norris were Brazilian, Argentina would not exist.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. Nobody surprises Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not make movies. He just allows cameras to film a few days of his life.

Women have XX chromosomes and men have XY. Chuck Norris has the entire alphabet. Seven times over.

It is foolish to believe cockroaches would survive a nuclear disaster. They would be killed by Chuck Norris.

The truth shall set you free unless you are a prisoner of Chuck Norris.

Time waits for no one. Except Chuck Norris.

There is no I in team but there are two in Chuck Norris. So forget the team.

Some people develop cancer. Cancer develops Chuck Norris and that definitely kills.

Chuck Norris does not use drugs as he might harm them.

Is there life after death? Of course. Chuck Norris is still here.

Pepper spray in the eyes is refreshing. For Chuck Norris that is not a metaphor.

Death still lacking courage asked the devil to tell Chuck Norris the truth. The devil refused because he still owes Chuck Norris his soul.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

The number of ghosts in the world keeps increasing because Chuck Norris kills people faster than Death can process them.

Chuck Norris sneezes with his eyes open.

When Chuck Norris walks on the beach he leaves 3 footprints.

Every time Chuck Norris stares at a cloud it starts to cry. That is what rain is.

If Chuck Norris were a book it would be called the Apocalypse.

Chuck Norris does not kill hunger. Hunger dies of fear before lunchtime.

The expression the last shall be first originated from the one time Chuck Norris joined a queue.

Gillette keeps adding blades to their razors hoping one day they will be able to cut Chuck Norris's beard.

Chuck Norris has a heart of gold. He keeps it in a small box next to his bed.

The truth is out there and it is not coming in any time soon because it is afraid of Chuck Norris.

The volleyball in Cast Away would not even talk to Tom Hanks. For Chuck Norris however it cooked, did laundry and cleaned the island.

Once a man asked Chuck Norris if his real name was Charles. Chuck Norris said nothing and simply stared at the man until he exploded.

High tides are not caused by the Moon. They happen because the sea retreats when Chuck Norris approaches the coast.

If regret could kill it would not be called regret. It would be called Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not hold his breath. He takes the air hostage.

Chuck Norris performed the greatest guitar solo of all time. On a drum kit.

Ninjas grow up wanting to be like Chuck Norris but invariably they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris's car reaches the speed of light it is time to shift into second gear.

Chuck Norris has never had enemies. Nobody ever had time to become an enemy of Chuck Norris.

Once love looked Chuck Norris in the eyes. That is why love has been blind ever since.

Chuck Norris can smell danger, so danger constantly changes its perfume trying to escape him.

If you were Chuck Norris you would not be reading this. You would be killing whoever wrote it.

Not all elements of the periodic table have been discovered yet. Chuck Norris refuses to give a blood sample.

Chuck Norris disagrees with the Apocalypse prophecy. That is not how he plans to end the world.

If you make a Chuck Norris voodoo doll you will receive a roundhouse kick before you can stick in the first pin.

End of the world theories emerge every time Chuck Norris prepares to throw a new roundhouse kick.

Ginsu knives are sharpened on Chuck Norris's beard hair.

Killing Chuck Norris does not make him die. It just makes him angrier.

Chuck Norris is currently finishing his third count to infinity.

With Chuck Norris, the show 24 would only be 24 seconds long.

Any virus that enters Chuck Norris's body is expelled with a roundhouse kick. All his antibodies have black belts.

Chuck Norris turns off the light whenever he wants. And also whoever complains.

Chuck Norris may not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Chuck Norris laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

Chuck Norris drinks napalm smoothies to keep his heart warm.

Smoking will not kill you. Chuck Norris, however...

The only person who can kill Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. He eagerly awaits the duel.

No gun ever backfired until someone pointed one at Chuck Norris.

After watching The Ring, Chuck Norris's phone rang: 'Seven days.' -- 'This is Chuck Norris.' -- 'Sorry, wrong number.'

According to the latest UN census Chuck Norris is the dominant religion in over 273 peoples across 98 countries.

Chuck Norris wears sunglasses to avoid blinding the sun with the brightness of his own eyes.

Chuck Norris does not know fear. Fear knows Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris eats a bowl of diamonds every morning.

Chuck Norris shaves daily with a chainsaw but when he looks in the mirror his beard immediately grows back.

In Chuck Norris's house a roundhouse kick to the face is the equivalent of a handshake.

A bad day in Chuck Norris's life is known as the Apocalypse.

The only license Chuck Norris holds is a license to kill.

In a failed assassination attempt Chuck Norris had six simultaneous heart attacks and did not die. His seventh heart kept beating while the other six recovered.

Chuck Norris does not age. Each birthday he simply adds one more year to his existence.

Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough for a single roundhouse kick to hit all of them.

It is better to give than to receive. This is especially true when thinking about a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Once Death had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

The dark side of the force is just Chuck Norris's shadow.

Chuck Norris was invited to play Dumbledore. He declined because he did not think it appropriate to use real magic in a fiction film.

When clean-shaven Chuck Norris radiates light equivalent to three suns.

If you empty a revolver into Chuck Norris you will only succeed in making him nervous.

Life is not like a box of chocolates. It is more like a box of Chuck Norris delivering a roundhouse kick to your face with some frequency.

Chuck Norris had to register every part of his body as a lethal weapon. His spleen is considered a concealed weapon in over 50 states.

Chuck Norris has never been charged with homicide because his roundhouse kick is legally recognized as an act of God.