🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris can cause reverberation inside an anechoic room.

Little Chuck Norris would bring a carving knife to play 'duck duck goose'.

Chuck Norris can make you cry with his unbelievable armpit rendition of 'The Star Spangled Banner'.

The is more than one way to skin a cat. Chuck Norris knows thousands. It was a childhood hobby

Chuck Norris drank up all his alcohol. Then he puked out guns. Hell yeah i said guns. He used them to kill people.

a Ford Taurus was killed in a fatal Chuck Norris accident

The New World Order reports to Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris cuts an onion, the onion cries.

When you knock on death's door, Chuck Norris answers, and then kills you for knocking.

When life gives Chuck Norris lemons, HE SQUIRTS THE LEMON JUICE IN HIS EYES AND RUNS RAMPANT ON LIFE'S ASS!!

Jessie wants to be Chuck Norris' girl.

Chuck Norris invented pain so that he could torture people.

Once back in the 60's Chuck Norris clipped his nails, a scientist found them and reverse engineered them to make Kevlar.

Chuck Norris knows what a mystery meal tasts like.

Whatever you're thinking of, Chuck Norris already thought of that.

the Keebler Elves do not chose to live in a tree, they are just hiding from Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris doesn't need to play games against people to beat their high scores. He just plays with himself and beats every highscore on every game on every console in the whole entire universe.

Chuck Norris committed the act hara-kiri last night. Later, he cleaned up the mess, cooked up some breakfast and went bass fishing.

When the Hulk sees Chuck Norris, he turns back into Bruce Banner.

Chuck Norris would love to go to town on your town.

Chuck Norris' earwax is used by the U.S. Airforce as the radar deflecting final polish on the B-2 Spirit stealth bombers.

haoerlkfsjkjfkjkpiku.. That's what you said after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked your face in.

For fun, Chuck Norris crab fishes in the Bearing Sea with just a snorkel and a laundry basket.

A man was freaking out and told his shrink he had seen deamons in the dark. Turns out he had just had the misfortune of running into Chuck Norris on a dark street corner.

Question: What does LKCG stand for? Answer: Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris scratches his back with a circular saw.

Chuck Norris savors the sweet taste of ax-murder.

Chuck Norris'new show is called "12" because he doesn't need "24".

When he jumps into a pool, Chuck Norris doesnt get wet, the water gets Chuck Norris

People say that light goes faster than anything. Not true. Once a man named Joe insulted Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris then roundhouse-kicked Joe. Less than 1 second later, Joe ended up speeding out of the universe.

Chuck Norris once saved Superman's life. Just to kill him again.

Chuck Norris gets more head then a pillow!

Chuck Norris doesn't even need to put the seat up when he urinates.

December 1 2013 will be the day Chuck Norris gets a playstation 5.

The Force is with Chuck Norris... for it's own good.

The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.

Chuck Norris sold Kajiji on KAJIJI

Nothing in the known universe is more badass than Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris was 3 years old, he went Back to the Future in his Little Tikes car.

Chuck Norris is the DEA and you are a meth lab door.

Step on a crack, Chuck Norris will pulverize your spine. Then plow your mother.

Chuck Norris once frightened Christopher Walken. From now on he is known as Christopher Runnin.

Chuck Norris sold 10% proprietary rights of his manly essence to The Jolly Green Giant. Now anybody can open up a can of Whoop-Ass.

Einstein was a genius. Chuck Norris is a genios, genious, and a genius.

Apple pie is as American as Chuck Norris

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times

Chuck Norris usually prefers to travel on the OUTSIDE of taxis, trains and commercial aircraft.

Chuck Norris can get blood out of a stone.

Tom Cruise lives with the certainty that one day, he'll bend over the bathroom sink to splash water on his face, lift up his head and in the mirror see that Chuck Norris is standing directly behind him.

Chuck Norris doesn't own a t.v. because when Chuck is around, he is the center of attention.

Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris cannot fly. He just jumps and chooses when to come down.

Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse.

Chuck Norris was the 13th Apostle. The one who took over.

Chuck Norris can Supercharge an electric car.

Chuck Norris can talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris invented Kotex MaxiPads. Originally they were used in hospital ER's to stop profuse bleeding from any part of his victim's body.

Chuck Norris got lost in the wilderness with Les Stroud and Bear Grylls. After 30 days only Chuck came out alive and had gained 20 pounds. Les and Bears bodies were never founds.

One round-house-kick from Chuck Norris can deliver eternal energy to Earth

Chuck Norris uses the planet Jupiter as his personal sauna.

Chuck Norris can split/fuse atoms through his piercing stare.

Want to have the scariest Halloween costume ever...dress up as Chuck Norris

The band still played on while the Titanic was sinking because Chuck Norris stayed on deck to watch them.

In The Bible, it says that Jonah was swallowed by the whale and the whale was swallowed by Chuck Norris.

They had to build a second afterlife for all of the people Chuck Norris killed.

Bees sting Chuck Norris for a less painful death.

Chuck Norris wins NASCAR races with all right turns.

When he was young, Chuck Norris wore a bear trap as teeth braces.

Chuck Norris can kick you in the nuts so hard, they will fly through your body up into your head and knock out your eyeballs, effectively replacing them.

Chuck Norris can lift Thor's hammer, Mjolnir...with his pinkie.

If you give Chuck Norris a fish you feed him for a day, but if you teach Chuck Norris how to fish, he will simply out fish you and then flog your face with a dead catfish!

Chuck Norris created "Where's Waldo?". He wasn't a fan of the name Waldo, so he round house kicked him in the face and no one has seen Waldo since...hence where's Waldo?

Slash, of Guns & Roses fame, got his name when the toenails from a barefoot Chuck Norris roundhouse kick slashed the top of Slash's skull & hair off. That's why Slash now covers his deformity with a tophat.

Chuck Norris can make a banana split after he eats it.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris's glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Chuck Norris gouged out the "i" in team.

Don't bother praying to be saved from Chuck Norris; God was about to ask you the same thing.

The Necronomicon is dedicated to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only person who can punch you in the back of the face.

Chuck Norris once fed a cannibal with a knuckle sandwich.

Of course Chuck Norris screwed Barbara Walters back in the 20's.

As a 3rd grader at school, Chuck Norris played schoolyard dodgeball with all the other boys using 80 pound cannonballs.

Snap, Crackle, Pop: 1) The sound made by Rice Krispies. 2) The sound made by the bones of those foolish enough to fight Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris gave birth to himself.

People can swim on water but Chuck Norris can swim on Land

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, he never has to go to Jail, not pass Go and not collect $200.

'Vengeance' is one of Chuck Norris' many, many middle names.

Chuck Norris made Kristen Stewart emotional.

Chuck Norris suckled from the teat of murder.

Chuck Norris looks down on serial killers, due to their method's inefficiency.

Chuck Norris can bake a turkey, a ham and 3 pumpkin pies, all at once inside an easy-bake oven

Chuck Norris went to pick up his girlfriend at Mr. Stevie's House of Beauty. Mr. Stevie asked Chuck if he'd like a bikini wax, since he was there. Chuck asked Mr Stevie if he would like it if he reached down his throat and ripped out his tonsils.

You can lead a horse to water, but Chuck Norris can make him drink eggnog.

Chuck Norris drives Optimus Prime to work.

When a young boy asked for Chuck Norris' autograph, he gave him a good solid kick to the face and left a permanent boot mark. This is Chuck's unique autograph, and that boy's face is now worth more money than the treasure from King Tut's tomb.

Pediatricians and researches are unsure what causes colic in infants. A leading theory on its cause is infants are ruminating over the wrath of Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't need help, help needs Chuck Norris.

There is only two wonder in the world Chuck Norris and Chuck Norris' round house kick

Children of cannibals think Chuck Norris is the Easter Bunny.

There is a Chuck Norris fact number zero, but those who read it will get blind because that was Chuck Norrir's first created by Chuck Norris himself.

Jesus Christ once said,"If someone strikes you on the right cheek turn to him the other also." He obviously hadn't met Chuck Norris.