🥋 General Facts

Stevie Wonder can see what a badass Chuck Norris is.

The Movie Predator was in direct retaliation of Chuck Norris' Vacation to the Predator's Home Planet. Body Count: Predator: 5 Chuck Norris: 5 Million.

Chuck Norris brightens up the sun's day.

If you've ever wondered where the wind comes from, it's Chuck Norris breathing. The next time it's really windy outside, Chuck Norris is jogging.

Atomic bombs are Chuck Norris favourite food. They are so crisply and spicy.

Chuck Norris was evil kanevil's stunt double.

A Chuck Norris movie will touch your heart. Then it will rip it out of your chest.

For St. Patrick's Day, Chuck Norris caught and crucified a Leprechaun, drank six kegs of green beer and roundhouse kicked the mayor of Boston.

Chuck Norris is the reason 'The Expendables 2' is rated PG-13.

Chuck Norris thinks somebody has no sense of humor & needs a roundhouse to the rucksack.

Chuck Norris once single-handedly killed 97 Afghan terrorists with his M-16 assault rifle. Then he flipped off the safety and shot 500 more of them.

By twerking daily, Miley Cyrus is in training to build up her ass & snatch muscles enough to be the first woman in history to satisfy Chuck Norris in less than 5 hours by his pile driving rigid tool.

Oh yeah, Chuck Norris brings it. He will bring it, put it down on the table, open it, get it out and sodomize you with it.

Chuck Norris can brew coffee out of tea leaves.

Chuck Norris is who taught Pai Mei from Kill Bill.

Chuck Norris once sailed around the world and found a shortcut.

Chuck Norris' pet piranha, Steve, likes to catch fresh Rainbow Trout for Chuck.

Chuck Norris doesn't give you a 'pearl necklace'. He simply kills you in a really gross way.

If you repeatedly say Chuck Norris 10 times....you explode.

There's no coincidence that an anagram for Chuck Norris is "crush rock in".

The Speaking Clock calls up Chuck Norris to make sure IT is correct.

Every time that Chuck Norris speaks, the expansion of the Universe halts for a split second.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete.

If at first you do not succeed.......you are not Chuck Norris.

All Chuck Norris facts should be told in a respectful whisper, whilst laying one's palms and forehead on the floor.

Chuck Norris weighs less than zero.

Chuck Norris' underwear can turn a clothes dryer inside out.

The Van Halen song "Runnin' With The Devil" was originally called "Running Screaming From Chuck Norris".

Chuck Norris once pissed in a man's beer bottle and made him drink it. That man is now known as "the most interesting man in the world".

Chuck Norris gargles with sulfuric acid.

Ghosts don't exist because Chuck Norris has never seen one.

Mickey Mouse wears a Chuck Norris watch.

A Bear can smell a drop of blood 2 miles away. Chuck Norris can smell fear 5.

When Chuck Norris reads Creepypastas, he doesn't get scared. The creepypasta story gets scared by Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris invented the Rosetta Stone Language Learning System, but found it useless, because he can already speak every language on Earth--simultaneously!

Chuck Norris has just left the building. He left it a smoldering pile of rubble.

Tim Tebow can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Time Tebow even further.

Chuck Norris can spit calligraphy.

Chuck Norris recently discovered that if you Build a man a fire, he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Chuck Norris can shine his boots to perfection just by using his foot and your ass.

Chuck Norris won a gun fight without a gun.

Chuck Norris' father is The Most Interesting Man in the World of Dos Equis fame, and his grandfather was Teddy Roosevelt.

Chuck Norris is actually every member of Slipknot. That's how fast he can change costumes.

Chuck Norris is the reason why nuclear bombs were invented.

Over the hills and far away...... CHUCK NORRIS COMES TO PLAY!!!!!!!!

Steven Segal is not a real person. He's just Chuck Norris in disguise.

Chuck Norris got tired of hearing about the internet phenomenon about him. So he recently invented the Chuckroll.

Chuck Norris once demonstrated CPR, and actually brought the dummy to life.

Chuck Norris always wanted to surf but couldn't. Every time his board touches the water, the sea parts.

Chuck Norris never "raises the roof". He lowers the floor.

Chuck Norris is a certifiable badass. That's right, he's got a certificate.

Chuck Norris can chuck a schmuck like a puck.

Bikers call themselves "hang arounds" when they're with Chuck Norris.

On Day Zero, Chuck Norris created God.

After meals, Chuck Norris picks his teeth with a pneumatic drill.

It's been discovered that the best possible weapon to have when the zombies come is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can kill an ender dragon without any potion, Armours and weapons in Minecraft.

Chuck Norris once had a zoo. He said that most of it tasted like chicken.

Chuck Norris doesn't avail for a broadband promo. He reaches out through the satellite in space.

A Chuck Norris divided against himself can still stand.

To Chuck Norris, every zoo is a petting zoo.

America is not a democracy. It is a Chucktatorship, after Chuck Norris!

Chuck Norris can make you disappear with just a blink of an eye, literally.

Chuck Norris is nothing compared to DavidV. DavidV drowned a guy in fire.

Chuck Norris stood up next to a mountain, and chopped it down with the edge of his hand. He then picked up all the pieces and made a little island. The only surviving witness was Jimi Hendrix.

When the sun goes outside, he puts on Chuck Norris glasses.

Chuck Norris cuts his fingernails with a hatchet.

Chuck Norris' lawnmower is equipped with a battery of hellfire missiles.

If "Evil Dead" had starred Chuck Norris as originally planned, it would have shattered box office records and be hailed as a masterpiece of modern cinema.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into Hulk. When Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris, when Chuck Norris gets mad, RUN LIKE HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chuck Norris once got a 500 in bowling. Without a ball. Or pins. Or oxygen.

Jesus walked on water, but Chuck Norris invented the boat.

The day of letting bulls go behind people in Spain is in fact the day Chuck Norris have to feed, so bulls had to escape.

So you hate Chuck Norris? Well it was nice knowing you. I hope you had good life.

After he was born, Chuck Norris immediately ate his own placenta.

Chuck Norris once Round-House kicked a man so fast, his foot went at the speed of light, it traveled back in time and killed the dinosaurs. Meteor? No, Chuck Norris.

According to Rocky Balboa, Chuck Norris has 'the eye of the tiger'. He keeps it in a pickle jar.

Chuck Norris had a bit of a mean streak, even as a child. He regularly enjoyed scaring his pet Grizzly Bear.

Chuck Norris taught Pai Mei from kill bill 2 the Five Finger Heart Exploding Technique.

Each time you rate this, Chuck Norris hits Obama with Charlie Sheen and says, "Who's winning now?!"

Ironically, Chuck Norris once drowned an elephant in a 5,000 gallon vat of peanut oil.

The original idea for the show Survivor was to put people on an island with Chuck Norris.............there were NO survivors and no one is brave enough to go retrieve the footage!

Chuck Norris recently invented The Internet 2.

Chuck Norris created the Sasquatch by setting fire to a Yeti with a flamethrower.

Chuck Norris can speak English, Spanish, French, Japanese, Russian, Italian, and Elvish- all at the same time.

If Chuck Norris has 5 apples, and you take 2 away, you have about 3 seconds to give them back.

Lindsay Lohan was actually on her way to having a great acting career before Chuck Norris sodomized her.

Chuck Norris will not be in The Expendables 3 simply because Stallone never wants to feel that terrified again.

Calvin Klein always used to wear Chuck Norris' discarded slacks.

Chuck Norris & the Late Chip Reese played a hand in the men's toilet in one casino in Las Vegas. The toilet is now known as 'Bobby's room'.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a guy called Phil. Afterwards Phil became known as Empty.

As a kid Chuck Norris beat the hell out of 1 of the Beatles. Next time don't piss him off.

Chuck Norris is a one army guy and he won World War 1 and he didn't use a gun!!!

Chuck Norris once beat a ghost to life.

Chuck Norris won the NBA Slam Dunk competition by just holding the ball.

Chuck Norris KNOWS where Waldo is.

Chuck Norris does not need a toothbrush when he brushes his teeth.

While playing Blackjack, Chuck Norris can bust without hitting. He just chooses not to because Chuck Norris never busts.

Chuck Norris invented awesome sauce by drinking hot sauce and spitting it out.

After reading about the April protests in Baltimore, Chuck Norris decided to attend the Orioles, White Sox game to protect the players. No protester or thug dared attend.