All Chuck Norris Facts
8,871 legendary facts and counting. Page 88 of 89.
Chuck Norris can hear what you are thinking. He usually disagrees.
Chuck Norris once shook hands with George Washington. Washington's arm was stronger after.
Chuck Norris was present at the signing of the Declaration of Independence. He was the co-signer nobody talks about.
Chuck Norris once played William Tell. He used a cannonball.
When Chuck Norris was born he delivered himself. The doctor assisted.
The Great Fire of London was caused by Chuck Norris sneezing.
Chuck Norris once attended a bullfight in Spain. The bull asked for a moment to pray.
Chuck Norris auditioned for Gladiator. Russell Crowe got the role because Chuck was too busy actually fighting.
The Roman Empire fell when Chuck Norris told it to sit down.
Chuck Norris once wrestled Zeus. Lightning still hasn't recovered.
The pyramids were built by Chuck Norris. On his lunch break.
Chuck Norris's biography was published before he was born. He had already written the ending.
When Chuck Norris enters a voting booth all candidates vote for him.
Chuck Norris once ran across the ocean. Just to stretch his legs.
Chuck Norris can watch a 3-hour movie in 20 minutes. The movie speeds up out of respect.
Chuck Norris has never had a nightmare. Nightmares have Chuck Norris dreams.
Chuck Norris won the swimming portion of a triathlon without getting wet.
When Chuck Norris goes bowling the pins jump back up out of respect.
Chuck Norris's tears are the only known cure for sadness. Too bad he never cries.
Chuck Norris can win a game of solitaire with a deck of 51 cards.
When Chuck Norris does laundry the clothes wash themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris once won a wet t-shirt contest. He was the only one wearing a life vest.
Chuck Norris can slam a door that isn't there.
Chuck Norris can bowl a perfect score with a football.
Chuck Norris once shot someone with a water gun. They are still in the hospital.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a lighter. He snaps his fingers.
Chuck Norris can make it rain. He just cracks his knuckles at the sky.
Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice cubes together.
Chuck Norris once caught a bullet with his teeth. He used it as a toothpick for the rest of the day.
Chuck Norris can hit a home run in soccer.
Chuck Norris's punch has been measured at the speed of light. He was taking it easy.
Chuck Norris once walked up a down escalator. It changed direction.
Chuck Norris can deadlift the concept of gravity.
Chuck Norris once opened a jar on the first try. The jar started crying.
Chuck Norris can fold a piece of paper more than seven times.
Chuck Norris can high-five himself.
Chuck Norris once pushed a boulder uphill. The boulder thanked him.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoelaces with one hand. While asleep.
Chuck Norris once stared at a stop sign. It started walking.
Chuck Norris doesn't get jet lag. Jet lag gets Chuck Norris lag.
Chuck Norris can turn back time just by walking backwards.
Chuck Norris doesn't use an umbrella. Rain avoids him out of self-preservation.
When Chuck Norris sits in a chair the chair holds its breath.
Chuck Norris once went on vacation. The weather apologized.
Chuck Norris can make a sandwich with just bread. The filling appears out of respect.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a map. The roads reroute themselves for him.
When Chuck Norris goes to a restaurant the menu asks him what it would like to be.
Chuck Norris's shadow has its own shadow. That shadow also does push-ups.
Chuck Norris once shook hands with a vending machine. It gave him everything inside.
When Chuck Norris plays chess all the pieces move forward.
Chuck Norris's voicemail does not exist. Messages are too afraid to be left.
Chuck Norris's coffee machine starts when he walks into the kitchen.
The Tooth Fairy used to leave coins. After Chuck Norris visited her she left IOUs.
Chuck Norris doesn't need sunscreen. The sun applies it for him.
Chuck Norris once played poker with a full deck. Then he added a few cards of his own.
Chuck Norris can speak Klingon. He taught it to the Klingons.
Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. The other person just picked up the wrong phone.
When Chuck Norris walks by a clock it resets to the correct time.
Chuck Norris once fell asleep in a library. The books organized themselves alphabetically.
Chuck Norris can play the violin with a baseball bat.
Chuck Norris doesn't sweat. His pores just exhale in defeat.
Chuck Norris once finished a jigsaw puzzle in one move. He looked at the box.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
When Chuck Norris tells a joke the punchline punches back.
Chuck Norris's nightmares are afraid of the dark.
Chuck Norris's beard trims itself out of respect.
When Chuck Norris looks in a mirror the mirror shatters. It knows better than to reflect perfection imperfectly.
When Chuck Norris was a baby he didn't have a rattle. He had a live grenade.
Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the crap out of it.
Santa Claus checks his list twice because of what happened the last time he forgot Chuck Norris.
Stonehenge was Chuck Norris's attempt at a game of horseshoes.
Chuck Norris once raced a Roman chariot on foot. He won. The horse asked to be on his team next time.
The Great Sphinx originally had a nose. Chuck Norris flicked it off.
Chuck Norris once challenged Hercules to an arm wrestle. Hercules is still recovering.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wise Man. He was turned away for bringing a roundhouse kick as a gift.
Abraham Lincoln said four score and seven years ago. Chuck Norris corrected him. Lincoln agreed.
Chuck Norris discovered fire. Then he put it out with his bare hands just because he could.
Napoleon's hand was not in his coat. He was hiding it from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once punched Julius Caesar. The phrase became Et tu Norris in the history books.
Chuck Norris taught Genghis Khan everything he knew. Khan only retained 10 percent.
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked one corner off.
The dinosaurs went extinct because Chuck Norris was hungry.
Chuck Norris won the Vietnam War. He just didn't tell anyone.
Chuck Norris built the Great Wall of China. He needed somewhere to do his push-ups.
Chuck Norris was originally cast as Jack in Titanic. The iceberg moved.
Black holes are what happen when Chuck Norris punches the fabric of space-time.
Chuck Norris once sneezed in space. Scientists are still tracking the debris.
The rings of Saturn are the remnants of Chuck Norris's last warm-up stretch.
Chuck Norris once visited a black hole. The black hole asked him to leave.
The sun sets every day because it is afraid to face Chuck Norris in the dark.
Chuck Norris once caught a shooting star with his bare hands. He used it as a toothpick.
Chuck Norris's beard has its own gravitational pull. Three moons orbit it.
Chuck Norris counted all the stars in the universe. He was not impressed.
NASA uses Chuck Norris as a unit of measurement for force.
Chuck Norris can breathe in space. Space is the one that needs the helmet.
The Big Bang happened when Chuck Norris stubbed his toe.
Chuck Norris once punched a black hole. It turned into a white flag.
Pluto was demoted from planet status after Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it out of orbit.
Chuck Norris can hear silence in space.
When Chuck Norris jumps he has to be careful not to leave Earth's atmosphere.