🥋 General Facts

When Arnold says "I'll be back" in Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.

The phrase 'dead ringer' refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.

Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

Chuck Norris was an only child...eventually.

Chuck Norris has never won an Academy Award for acting... because he's not acting.

Chuck Norris smashed the guy from Smashmouth in the mouth.

Chuck Norris once flicked Mickey Rourke on the nose.

Chuck Norris can pass an eye exam blind folded.

As a baby Chuck Norris did'nt wait for his mum to push, He got out himself..

Chuck Norris doesn't get sick. So once, after eating some chicken infected with salmonella, he gut punched some skidrow bums until they threw-up for him.

3 asians once ate 150 hotdogs in 1 minute. Not to be out done, Chuck Norris ate 3 asians in less than 20 seconds

Chuck Norris can sing with his feet and walk on his eyeballs.

I just downloaded the new "Roundhouse Kick" app for my iPhone and now my screen is cracked and the phone does not work. Damn you, Chuck Norris.

Godzilla is lucky that Chuck Norris doesn't live in Japan

Chuck Norris is who started the fire in that Billy Joel song.

In chucktatorship you get to vote only once. But in Chuck Norris' chucktatorship he gets to vote as many times as he wants.

Chuck Norris once had a heckler call him "Chuckie". Chuck kicked him so hard he was arrested for speeding 2 blocks away.

Chuck Norris found what Bono was looking for.

They say that the size and value of a man's car is inversely proportional to the size of his manhood. That must be why Chuck Norris usually gets around on a pair of rollerskates. And a wheelbarrow.

Chuck Norris got bit by a cobra after 7 days of intense suffering the cobra died.

All good things must come to an end...... When Chuck Norris says stop.

Chuck Norris knows the difference between a cow's tail and water faucet.

Chuck Norris decided he needed to have a pet. He looked at dogs and cats then ended up getting a pet alligator named Fluffy.

Chuck Norris spells relief, F-A-R-T.

If you find Chuck Norris while playing hide and seek, you lose.

When Chuck Norris came to a fork in the road, he picked it up.

Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in god, god believes in Chuck Norris.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Scotty in Star Trek often says "Ye cannae change the laws of physics." This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists.

MacGyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips. Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.

Chuck Norris never forgets an elephant.

By the time you see Chuck Norris' beard, it's already too late.

Snickers never satisfies Chuck Norris.

The killer is within... Chuck Norris.

Christians believe Jesus was crucified, died, and rose on the third day. Chuck Norris cannot die.

Chuck Norris doesnt follow the yellow brick road....he made it by turning concrete yellow.

life < existence < Infinite power < God < Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can swim undisturbed, through shark infested waters with 2 pockets full of chum.

Chuck Norris doesn't have a seat in Parliament......he has a couch.

As a child, Chuck Norris never failed a test in school. Tests failed Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris gargles ball bearings.

After Chuck Norris was born, he drove himself back home.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick your face with his pinky finger.

Chuck Norris taught Albert Einstein e=mc^2

Allstate is in good hands with Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris' Father is also Chuck Norris' son, when you sire Chuck Norris he always returns the favour.

Chuck Norris plays paintball with live ammunition in Afghanistan.

Chuck Norris tried to crank that soulja boy but it wouldn't crank up

You don't invite Chuck Norris. He invites himself.

Chuck Norris CAN whisper bloody murder. Damn it.

Chuck Norris Plays paintball with Al Qaeda.

Chuck Norris whisper bloody murder.

Chuck Norris has a sign in his front yard that reads, "Beware of Chuck Norris." This is not a joke. He actually has one.

After a round of 18 holes of golf, Chuck Norris beat Tiger Woods with a score of 17 to 63.

"Sweating bullets" is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.

Chuck Norris drives to Hawaii.

The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales.

Chuck Norris can win at solitaire with only 18 cards.

The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian.

When Chuck Norris was Born, the whole Hospital cried.

Chuck Norris sleeps with his eyes open

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

March 10, 2010. Somebody attempted to give Chuck Norris his bithday spankings today. Upon impact of the first spank, their hand exploded. Nobody spanks Chuck Norris.

Who crapped in your corn flakes? Chuck Norris did!

Chuck Norris has a deep and abiding respect for human life... unless it gets in his way.

All roads lead to Chuck Norris. And by the transitive property, a roundhouse kick to the face.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.

Chuck Norris banged the tooth fairy.

It's not easy being green. It is, however, very easy to be violently murdered by Chuck Norris.

Even Black Holes cannot escape the force of Chuck Norris

Faster than a speeding bullet... More powerful than a locomotive... Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... These are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

In a paper due out soon, Stephen Hawking has proven that Chuck Norris exists in every universe, multiverse, and every dimension. There is no escaping Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris kills you till you are dead....and that's worse!

Chuck Norris has three buttocks.

Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.

Chuck Norris ripped off Hugh Jackman's claws and shoved them up his ass.

Old Spice uses Chuck Norris bodywash

Rules of fighting: 1) Don't bring a knife to a gun fight. 2) Don't bring a gun to a Chuck Norris fight.

This little piggy went to the market,this little piggy stayed home,this little piggy went we we we all the way home because Chuck Norris delivered a fatal roundhouse kick to the other piggy.

The last ice age came to an end when Chuck Norris destroyed the east pole and the west pole, thus creating the equator.

Chuck Norris likes pie, deal with it.

Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal.

We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.

One time, at band camp, Chuck Norris ate a percussionist.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

When you play Monopoly with Chuck Norris, you do not pass go, and you do not collect two hundred dollars. You will be lucky if you make it out alive.

Chuck Norris smokes crack addicts.

John Wayne's tombstone reads "In loving memory of Chuck Norris."

Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

Chuck Norris can Halo jump without a parachute in the air 20 billion times and touch a target on the ground with ease.

Chuck Norris' backyard shed doubles as his personal torture chamber

The Drummer for Def Leppard's only got one arm. Chuck Norris needed a back scratcher.

Chuck Norris can chew with his mouth open

Chuck Norris smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is Chuck Norris' personal chef.