All Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris once punched a man so hard his shadow fell off.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.

When Chuck Norris enters a swimming pool the water gets out.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once ran a marathon backwards just to see what second place looked like.

Chuck Norris once won a staring contest with the sun. The sun blinked first.

Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the moon just to impress a girl at a bar.

Chuck Norris once broke the sound barrier with his pinky finger.

Chuck Norris doesn't need a parachute to go skydiving. He needs one to keep the ground from shattering.

Chuck Norris once arm-wrestled Superman. The loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people. Then it exploded.

Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a lemon.

Chuck Norris's fist is listed as a deadly weapon in 192 countries.

When Chuck Norris enters a room he does not turn the lights on. He turns the dark off.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd. Nobody fools Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are now known as giraffes.

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the Earth down.

Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

On a sunny day, Chuck Norris's shadow does pushups.

Google Maps asks Chuck Norris for directions.

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch. He decides what time it is.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can charge his phone by simply staring at it menacingly.

Chuck Norris gave Mr. T all that gold. It was payment for mowing his lawn.

Mosquitoes don't bite Chuck Norris. Not because they can't — out of professional respect.

When Chuck Norris cuts onions, the onions cry.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records, it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars. That's why there are no signs of life there.

Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now called The Islands.

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris once won a staring contest with Medusa.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked the sun. That's why we have day and night.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.