🥋 General Facts

Chuck Norris declared checkmate against the 2012 chess champion Viswanathan Anand in under 4 moves. Using only the boot from monopoly.

Chuck Norris' car has homicide doors

The Swine Flu got started when a pig oinked in Chuck Norris's presence.

Chuck Norris' last kid was born 10 months after his 23rd vasectomy.

Nobodies perfect... Except Chuck Norris that is.

Chuck Norris fooled The Who again.

Chuck Norris makes "smart bombs" look like a bunch of knuckleheads.

see the picture on top that has Chuck Norris' face on it? stare at it too long, and you will get a imaginary roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris eats Skylanders Toys and craps out a huge gigantic fire-breathing dragon

The rope that they made to hang Saddam Hussien was made out of Chuck Norris' beard hair. It never released its grip.

Chuck Norris does make friends with salad.

Chuck Norris knows what Scotty doesn't.

While waiting at the drive up window at the local KFC for his order of lobster thermidor, Chuck Norris chugged a gallon of Wild Turkey. When his order arrived, he barfed in the cashiers face and drove off laughing.

Strange but true: auto tune cannot improve Chuck Norris' voice or farts - he is utterly pitch perfect, or, to be more accurate, pitch perfect is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can tell the time at night with the use of a flashlight alone.

Chuck Norris can kill you with his eyebrow.

When Chuck Norris farts he dutch-ovens the world

In the original making of Scarface when Tony said "say hello to my little friend" Chuck Norris appeared. However, the director cut it out said it was too gruesome for a R rated movie.

Chuck Norris takes everything for granite.

Chuck Norris hates land mines because everytime he steps on one he has to go out buy a new pair of boots.

If Chuck Norris had signed on to be on NBC's A-Team, the team would have needed only one member.

Newton discovered gravity beacause Chuck Norris threw an apple at him

"Let bygones be bygones" is always subject to Chuck Norris' approval.

Slender Man used to be morbidly obese before his Chuck Norris beatdown.

Chuck Norris loves how the harvest moon glistens upon hunted flesh.

Every episode of Fear Factor is based off what Chuck Norris did last weekend.

When Chuck Norris was only 3 months old, his mother swam nude through the Okefenokee Swamp just so he could learn how to suckle blood from leaches.

Chuck Norris does not ask when stores open. Store managers ask "Mr Norris, when would you like us to open".

Thanks to Chuck Norris, the astrological sign 'Virgo' will now have to be renamed 'Pregno'.

Jack Bauer needs 24 hours to save the day. Chuck Norris needs 24 minutes.

Chuck Norris endorsed Ted Cruz for President, thus singlehandedly ending the need to hold elections forever...

Steve Jobs recently rickrolled Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not have elephantitis on his balls. He is just well-endowed.

Chuck Norris won the World Series of Poker with a three of clubs, an empty cd case, a broken coaster and two triscuts.

Chuck Norris once rhymed "pain" with "balls." No one called him on it.

The 7 wonders of the world were actually Chuck Norris' science fair projects. And Chuck Norris is the 8th wonder of the world.

It takes Chuck Norris 5 seconds to kick your ass... 80 times

Rome was not built in day because Chuck Norris was not there to do the job right.

If you are alive today, it's because Chuck Norris decided not to kill you yesterday.

Chuck Norris once opened a can of Campbells chicken noodle soup with his eyeballs.

Chuck Norris can kill a flock of birds with a grain of sand.

Chuck Norris doesn't need to shower, he dares dirt to touch him...

Chuck Norris has a Ford F-1450 pickup that spans 4 lanes of traffic. The license plate has the entire St. Crispin's Day speech from Henry V on it.

Everyone knows the answer to WWCND? (What Would Chuck Norris Do). Everyone. Including my grandfather and my 9 months old niece.

Chuck Norris was banned from competitive bull riding after a 1992 exhibition in San Antonio, in which he rode a brahma bull 1,746 miles from Texas to Milwaukee, Wisconsin to pick up his dry cleaning.

The Vatican conclave of voting Cardinals burn Chuck Norris dingleberries to create the white smoke that signals the election of a new Pope.

Once a panhandler approached Chuck Norris and asked him for some change. Chuck Norris generously gave the poor man a quarter roundhouse kick and sent him hurtling into outer space at the speed of light.

A good golfer can often make a 'birdie'. Better golfers frequently get an 'eagle'. Chuck Norris always gets a 'condor'.

Chuck Norris' face was going to be on Mt. Rushmore, but the granite wasn't tough enough for his beard

Nerdi, I believe that the joke posted to below this is the worst I have ever heard; therefore, I will create a better version. Chuck Norris doesn't breath air, his lungs generate their own air out of fear.

Jesus carried his cross to Calvary where he was crucified. Chuck Norris carries planets wherever he goes for fun.

Chuck Norris built the hospital he was born in

Chuck Norris once stabbed a man with a bowling ball.

Chuck Norris invented legs just so he'd have two more things to beat you with when his fists got bored.

Chuck Norris only ever broke a sweat once, because it stayed broken.

Chuck Norris can play New Super Mario Bros. 2 on an X-Box 360. He can also play Sonic The Hedgehog 2006 on a Nintendo 3DS.

During a recent talk show interview Chuck Norris was asked what he thought of Justin Bieber. Chuck said he thought Bieber was a waste of perfectly good toilet paper.

Chuck Norris recently set a land-speed record at the Bonneville Salt Flats while riding on a pogo stick.

Chuck Norris knows all the words in the dictionary, except the word "Mercy".

When Chuck Norris does a titty twister, it's so painful, Chuck could tear the flesh off.

When Chuck Norris claps with one hand, the sound is deafening.

There is no "i" in team, because Chuck Norris gouged it out.

Chuck Norris once dipped an elephant's nose in a pile of cocaine then rammed it up Ricarhd Gere's ass.

Chuck Norris found 1000 mini nukes and 1 Fat Man after leaving his vault.

Chuck Norris once completed 40 hours of work in 4 hours, including 15 minutes for a coffee break.

Chuck Norris can do an instrumental a Capella.

always face your fears... uless your fear is Chuck Norris, then run for your life!!

Chuck Norris briefly replaced Flea in the Red Hot Chili Peppers in the early 80's. He had to wear two socks.

Chuck Norris' favourite word: chunk.

The US army gave Osama Bin Laden's head to Chuck Norris. It now adorns the hood of his Hummer, which can be seen cruising through the streets of Abbotabad, Pakistan, with the song 'We Are The Champions' blaring from its speakers.

Chuck Norris takes his temperature with a measuring spoon.

Chuck Norris doesn't get ready for work in the morning. Work gets ready for Chuck Norris.

In 1957 while in Elementary school Chuck Norris drew a sketch of a square apparatus with astonishing details. 50 years later, Apple used that same sketch to design and develop what we know now as... the ipad.

Chuck Norris gave the Pope permission to have a cuncubine.

Chuck Norris wears a size 2 ballet slipper.

Chuck Norris once won a D 1 Drifting Championship by driving a smart car with no motor,tranny,wheels or tires...come to think of it he was merely running sidways while making scretching noises

Chuck Norris can watch 3-D movies wearing only a monocle.

Harper Lee's classic novel's original title: 'To Kill A Mockingbird, Simply Tell Chuck Norris It Shat On His Ferrari'

If Chuck Norris ever ruined your life, you'd probably want to kill him. But you couldn't.

Chuck Norris doesn't kick people to the sun,he kicks the sun to people

Slenderman once found Chuck Norris and then he came up and roundhouse kicked Slenderman in the face 100 times

Chuck Norris once cast his fishing line into the Bearing Sea and caught a 176 lb halibut from his patio lawn chair in southern Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris can drink water in a saucer.

Chuck Norris' father is Chuck Norris, his mother is America, his brother is freedom and his other brother is Sam... Sam Norris. Chuck Norris loves his family dearly, except for Sam, that is why Sam no longer exists.

Chuck Norris doen't always drink beer. But when he does, he prefers to roundhouse kick "The Most Interesting Man in the World" in the face and take his Dos Equis. "Stay thirsty my friends".

At his wedding, Chuck Norris' first dance number was to 'Lord Of This World' by Black Sabbath.

when a robber steal stuff from people they say its like taking candy from a baby. but when they steal from Chuck Norris it's not as easy as they think.

Chuck Norris can just wright a random number and the math problem is right

Chuck Norris knows where your car is - in his stomach.

Chuck Norris wants all South Carolina beach goers to feel safe because he will personally be extracting all the teeth from all area sharks this 4th of July weekend.

Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.

Chuck Norris doesn't use tent pegs. He puts claw hammers through the loops before pushing them into the ground using only his eyes.

Chuck Norris once punched Jean-Claude Van Damme in his career.

Iron Maiden wrote the song "Run to the hills" after their brief encounter with Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can punch you so hard that your blood will bleed.

Chuck Norris likes to bring a knife to a gunfight.

Remember the big bang theory, that day Chuck Norris got pissed.

When Clarke Kent goes into a phonebox Superman comes out. When Chuck Norris goes into a phonebox... Chuck Norris comes out.

A carjacker attempted to take Chuck Norris' Lexus. Chuck pulled him through the window, stuffed the jacker's head up his own ass, then threw him back out the window. Chuck then went for coffee at Starbucks.

When Chuck Norris Kills someone they dont go to heaven or hell or even get reincarnated... its like they never exsisted in the first place.