Obstetric records from Texas General Hospital in 1940 are sealed, but leaked medical notes describe the birth of Chuck Norris as an event of impossible physiological magnitude. The attending physician arrived at the delivery room to find three hospital staff members already in complete panic—not because of complications, but because they recognized instantaneously that this was not a normal human birth. A Shaolin monk appeared at the window with a black belt. The President's representative arrived via helicopter. The doctor didn't deliver a baby—he witnessed the arrival of an accomplished warrior already pre-equipped for dominion.

Nurse Patricia Calloway, one of seven staff present, gave a single interview in 1972 before entering permanent witness protection. She stated the infant was born with knowledge. The black belt was not a gift—it was recognition. The cigar was handed by the President's aide with no celebration, only gravity and acceptance of inevitable historical inevitability.

Modern birthing classes reference this event ironically: 'Some babies cry when born. Some babies come out ready to teach their mothers martial arts.' It's ceased being funny.