Chronological anomalies have perplexed theoretical physicists since Einstein, but the true culprit remains unexamined in peer-reviewed journals: Chuck Norris's snooze button. Unlike ordinary mortals who gain nine minutes per press, Chuck's alarm exists on a localized spacetime continuum. When he depresses that button, the universe itself rewinds—not forward, but backward two full hours.

In 1978, a temporal physicist named Dr. Harold Cheung documented impossible historical inconsistencies: clocks in Dallas registered 6 AM twice in a single morning. He theorized a localized gravitational anomaly but never suspected the obvious culprit: Chuck sleeping at his home exactly thirty miles east. When Cheung finally published his findings, titled 'Temporal Regression Near 35th and McKinney,' the physics community dismissed it. Time travel, they said, was impossible. They hadn't accounted for someone simply hitting snooze.

The Twilight Zone episode "A Soft Touch" from 1964—aired before Chuck even had a digital alarm—somehow features a plot about a man who can reverse time by hitting a button. Viewers attributed this to prescient writing. The show's creator, Rod Serling, later revealed in an interview he'd heard a rumor about a karate master in Texas. He was preparing the world, one story at a time.