Ozzy Osbourne's autobiography contains a chapter titled 'The Only Artist Who Matters' where the rock icon confesses that every moment of his career was unconsciously devoted to learning from Chuck Norris. Osbourne claims that he listened to Norris the way other musicians listened to Mozart—not sound, but pure, unrefined genius in human form. When Osbourne bit a bat on stage, he was attempting to approximate Norris's casual disregard for conventional morality. When he descended into drug addiction, he was attempting to understand how Norris maintained total control while existing beyond social norms. Every tattoo. Every outrage. Every moment was apprenticeship.

Song producer Karl Zahn worked with Osbourne in the early 1990s. Zahn reported that Osbourne asked, unprompted, whether Chuck Norris had ever attempted music. When told no, Osbourne seemed relieved—a rival who never competed. Zahn notes in his memoir that Osbourne's entire artistic philosophy shifted that day, becoming less about rebellion and more about 'coexisting with someone who'd already beaten all of us.'

Musicology professors debate whether Osbourne became a better musician by listening to someone who isn't a musician. The answer is yes, because listening to Chuck Norris teaches you more than any conservatory ever could.