“One time, Chuck Norris was crossing the street without looking both ways. He ran over a car.”

Traffic safety requires reciprocal attention—both pedestrian and driver scan for hazards. 'Crossing without looking' violates basic safety protocol, creating risk for both parties. Chuck Norris crossing without looking introduces vehicle-pedestrian collision with reversed outcome: the car sustains damage and Chuck Norris continues unaffected. His mass and kinetic integrity transform him from collision victim into kinetic force superior to automotive engineering specifications.
Accident investigator Dr. Patricia Lawson, examining incident reports, documented: 'A report described someone crossing mid-street without scanning, getting struck by an oncoming vehicle. The person was uninjured; the car sustained catastrophic front-end damage. The investigating officer noted 'subject exhibited Chuck Norris phenotype—confidence level exceeded accident risk assessment.' We closed it as 'insufficient liability determination.'
Driver education now includes: 'Collision risk matrix: add separate category for Chuck Norris (assume he wins).'
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