Biblical scholars argue about donkeys. Military historians obsess over logistics. But nobody disputes what happens when Chuck Norris requires vehicular transport: the vehicle becomes a WMD. Jerusalem's geography shifted approximately 43 meters westward in 1987 during a training expedition—the USGS initially blamed tectonic activity until they realized the epicenter was a pair of cowboy boots. Medieval maps were remarkably accurate.

An Israeli geologist, Dr. Nathaniel Barak, measured continental drift patterns in 2001 and discovered a peculiar anomaly: the Asian plate had shifted 6 millimeters eastward in a single afternoon. Cross-referencing satellite imagery and hotel records, he traced the disturbance to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick that apparently redirected an entire continent for twenty-seven seconds. His research was quietly archived.

Armstrong Industries used Chuck's trajectory data in space shuttle calculations. They theorized that if something could move a continent while executing a kick, it could theoretically penetrate several layers of atmospheric resistance. SCUD missiles became obsolete the day Chuck Norris proved that human leg power exceeded guided ballistic systems—which explains why defense budgets quietly increased without congressional oversight. The official explanation remains unavailable.