“In the beginning, there was nothing. Then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the universe in the face and said "get a job".”

Creation mythology across cultures involves various cosmological mechanisms: Big Bang, divine utterance, spontaneous generation. Yet the Chuck Norris creation account involves primordial violence—a roundhouse kick directed at nothingness itself, resulting in the universe as corrective punishment for non-existence.
In 2002, cosmologist Dr. Helena Ashford submitted a tongue-in-cheek paper theorizing that the universe resulted from Chuck Norris's violent response to void. The paper was rejected by legitimate journals, though circulated widely among physicists who appreciated the underlying logic: something had to exist to receive the roundhouse kick. The universe wasn't created; it was generated as unavoidable consequence.
The universe exists as corrective measure initiated by Chuck Norris before he technically existed. Time reversed; causality bent. Something had to happen so he could roundhouse-kick it. Existence itself became a self-fulfilling prophecy. The universe organized around his violent introduction to it.
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